The Let's Play Archive

Paladin's Quest

by Stayton

Part 11: Gettin' the Stank Out

Guess I was only half serious about that whole to be continued thing. I blew through chapter ten real quick, and here it is for you viewing pleasure

After wandering around for a bit we came across another funny looking town.

Misuto? Isn't that a soup or another food of some kind? Not to mention this town is about as far from where I need to go as you can get. I guess that does give us lots of time to meet hot girls and have wacky adventures along the way doesn't it? Anyway Misuto's gimmick as a town is that instead of all the buildings being giant eggs, all the buildings are giant eggs on top of trees. How's that for a whole new level of impractical?

First priority, find a communal bath to eye some boobies and wash off this dragon vomit, animal crap, cave scum, gore from a thousand vanquished foes, and the general bad odor of not having bathed for several weeks.

Oh that just figures

Okay I smell bad, I get it? Why do you guys have to be such jerks about it?

You're racist, I get that too.

Lady, if I was prying your mouth open it wouldn't be so we could have a conversation. Count yourself lucky that I'm in the company of three classy ladies or I might just mouth rape you and burn your house down for the fun of it. I've been having a very rough month.

Why do you guys hate us so much again. The continents are separated by thousands of miles of ocean, what on do you think we did? Made fun of you behind your backs?

Well Joyce sounds like a pretty hot name, so now that you bring it up I'm going to pencil her into my schedule for some molestin'

Oh she's a fighter huh? I like that. Little struggle makes it worth while.

So Joyce I hear that you're a fighter and you own a bakery. That's pretty sexy if you ask me.

Oh she got a whiff of us. You're going to throw frying pans at me, and hit me with a spatula aren't you?

You mean fresh baked poison bread, and having my bottles filled with urine don't you?

Oh hey you mean the good kind? Thanks, you're the only nice person I've met on this entire continent.

And you continue to be the nicest person on this continent. Are you by any chance up for a Nobel Prize this year, cause damn lady. You're all kinds of helpful. Luck for us we're adventuring types and getting that grain shouldn't be a problem. Back in a jiffy.

Hey guy I get it. You've got a thing for Joyce, and I can see why she's a very nice lady. Don't sweat it guy, I wouldn't want come other guy horning in on my admittedly huge territory. So what say we just go our separate ways, I'm just having her bake me some bread.

You really want to rumble don't you? You don't know who you're tangling with here. To demonstrate I'm going to give you a bitch slap with my left hand and we'll see what happens.

Yeah, that's usually how it goes.

Whatever it takes to make you feel like a man guy.

Where's that cave o' grain? Mountains to the east was it?

Yeah there it is.

An area prone to lava flows isn't what I would call a good place to grow grain, but I'm not a profession baker.

New enemy! Those beholder lookin' guys are called grabbers, or grippers or somesuch.

I don't see any grain anywhere.

There it is. Field and fields of it. I'll just pick some and… wait a minute.

It's a FAKE!

So we've got acres and acres of this fake stuff to wade through. That's okay though because years of RPGing have told me what to look for.

The one plant that looks different, and there it is.

Let's get back to Joyce's place and get that destinkifying bread.

Here's that grain you needed? I'm not going to hit on you because I told someone I wouldn't

Joyce then ran around her kitchen a lot. The programmers were all very glad that the graphics were not too good. That way they didn't have to draw the actual food preparation process.

We are officially less stinky

Hey guy, get a whiff of this!

Our new odor makes love blossom

That certainly sounds like it would be fun to watch on pay per view

On the subject of blossom causing odors. Let's see if we can finally get a bath at the inn.

Yes I would like to stay the night. Integrated locker room of the future here I come!

What do you mean they've got private washrooms? Bummer.

Early the next morning we head to the rope network station to head to Zaygos' temple. Our mission: Destroy Noi Gren.

As you can tell by the way we smell good sir, we are in fact not a quartet of adventurers from Naskuot determined to destroy both Noi Gren, and your empire. Please let us aboard.

Oh we will

Everyone get aboard for what will no doubt be a long boring ride with no making out whatsoever.

If you won't make out with me could you make out with each other?

Just a little? Come on, I promise not to take pictures.

I don't know why I bother with you girls.

(ghetto animated gif time)
(Also a big earth shattering kaboom!)

To Be Continued!
I hope you all enjoyed that exciting installment. I'll be back tomorrow with one or two more. There are some new mercenaries coming up, so get ready to make some tough choices.