The Let's Play Archive

Paladin's Quest

by Stayton

Part 7: The Town of Misfit Mutants

Okay everyone, ready for more?
Previously, on Let's Play: Paladin's quest

Arriving in the hippy bastion of Jurayn Mindy and Johnny learn the sage Daphne has skipped town because hippies are dumb. Finding the border closed Mindy and Johnny strike a deal with the town's mayor. They can have a pass if they save the town. Johnny and Mindy find the means to rescue the city from the collapse of the giant patchouli, but find a hippy sit-in is preventing them from getting to the mechanism that needs to be recharged. One hippy bloodbath later the team has a pass, the town is saved, and they are underway once more. Before leaving the country with the mercenaries Dan the headkicker and Zuran the possibly gay

You know Mindy being in the untamed wilds brings out the animal in me. I just want to rut with the first thing I see. Stop standing behind Zuran, Mindy.

If there's no civilization out here, who built this bridge? I'm starting to not trust this hippy intel. Somebody who takes every breath through a lit bong isn't a very good historian in my experience.

New enemy time. This ugly fellow is a whipper. He likes to whip things with those tentacles. For some reason he makes Mindy extra nervous.

See I knew those hippies didn't know shit. There's a town only a short walk from their border. Its up on that ridge to the south Mindy. We just need to walk around like this...

...and through this huge swamp. At least it doesn't smell as bad a Jurayn. This town must have really poor civic planning or something.

The swamp yields new enemies. The rabbit things are preyers. In addition to scissoring at us with their ears, they also do a "bomb" type explosive suicide attack. Except instead of damaging our party it heals all the other enemies. That purplish thing is called an eater, I'm not quite sure what it does, it's just kinda weird. I can't remember what the big things in the back are called, but they like to stomp on my face with their giant feet. After pounding these precious creatures we made it into the town.

Lubbot eh? Never heard of 'em. I got an A in my races of Lennus class at the magic academy too. That means you don't exist. Anyway which way to the inn. My black eye has healed so it's time I tried seducing Mindy again.

A fresh black eye later I decided to talk to some folks hanging out in the inn's common room.

So Lubbot is just a funny word for jerk then?

The next morning we resumed grilling the locals, and found this helpful young lady.

So this is a village of half-breeds force to live outside society because their very physicality is evidence of people breaking social taboos? Oh cry me a river. We both know society has no problem with interracial relationships. Though I must say I didn't think such couples could have children. You say you're a Saynol-Guud hybrid eh? Wait a sec The Saynol are the aryan looking guys with dragon wings, and effeminate tendencies amongst their males. The Guud are hairy little trolls? You're telling me a combination of those people got busy? I think I'm gonna hurl. Though that would explain your ugly face. I'd like to correct my previous statement. Society only encourages interbreeding between hot races.

I get the feeling that Zaygos is indeed a clown. Crazy genetic mutants or not. The lubbot are the most sensible people I've met so far.

Inviolate? Hold on, let me get my dictionary. Hmm
Inviolate, adjective
1. Free from violation injury, desecration, or outrage.
2. Undisturbed, untouched
3. Unbroken
4. Not infringed
So in layman's terms Gabnid said the Lubbot are a bunch of tough sons of bitches. I like you guys more all the time.

Except for you, fuck you.

In this house we found a sick kid. I decided to perform a good old fashioned faith healing. I need a pipe organ, a pinstripe suit, and a gospel choir of at least 25 black women who each weight at least two hundred pounds. Then we play up tempo versions Amazing Grace, and Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. Then I'll command the kid to walk, even if that isn't what's wrong with him. Then he's cured.

No Billy, that's meditation. You aren't even in the right hemisphere for the religious healing I'm talking about. Oh what the hell. Mindy, where's that antidote bottle we found a few dungeons ago?

There you go Billy, good as new. Though it isn't as much fun without the gospel music.

Oh yeah Billy, let's rock out to the old timey songs of praise!

Well that isn't what I meant, but I appreciate the sentiment. I also get your not so subtle hint.

Hey rude shopkeeper, "a series of button presses"! *poit!* A staircase opens!

Wow, an old fashioned black market. The Lubbot sure know how to party. Though out here in the boondocks I'm not sure what authorities they're hiding the goods from. Or even what makes these good illicit. It's all just the normal stuff I could get over the counter any weapon or items shop. I think the lubbot just have a flair for cloak and dagger stuff.

Hear that Mindy? We've got something else in common. Just one more reason you have to do me.

Before this adventure is over we will have met somebody named Mouth.

The black market offered us a chance to upgrade our magic. We took it of course.

This place has everything in one convenient location, including muscle for hire.
Merc Alert!
That's right everyone. We've got ourselves new mercenaries available. That means I need our help to assemble a team. First let's look at who we've got on our team (all stats up to date).

Dan is a martial arts expert. Now level 19, his headkicks and tonfa beatdowns are stronger than ever. His idols include Bruce Lee, Pat Morita, and the obligatory Chuck Norris. When not in combat he can be found rebuffing the flirtations of Zuran

Zuran is a man of many ambiguities. Sexual orientation not the least among them. He's level twenty, wears little gear, and knows a small bit of defensive magic. His primary weapon is the boomerang. A weapon which hits groups of enemies at a time, but only for okay damage. His hobbies include wierding Dan out.

Competing against these two for a place in our party are two new mercenaries.

At fifty gold to hire is Destry. He's level 21, looks a little , and is strangely proud of his lifting strength. He also knows two offensive wind spells, and a strange status effect spell that most assuredly will not work. At only fifty gold to hire it seems to me that he's either trying to pull a fast one, or he's got some mental defect.

Our other entry is a level 20 Lubbot named Slayer. He is 400 gold to hire (yes I know the screenshot says I don't have enough money, don't worry about it) Besides the generic name he comes with equipment that is pretty advanced for this stage in the game. Also of note is his minibottle which makes him the first merc available with healing abilities. He also knows two defensive buff spells, and a spell that cures many status effects.

So there you have it. Who will come with us, and who will be left behind? It's up to you to decide. Choose wisely.