The Let's Play Archive

Paladin's Quest

by Stayton

Part 8: The Sword and the Kidney Stone, Part 1/2

Previously, on Let's Play: Paladin's Quest

Johnny and Mindy wandered into the wilderness outside of Jurayn searching for Daphne the sage. After a short walk they came to the town of Doubor. The town of the Lubott, a group of self segregated half breeds. There wasn't much going on in Doubor, but after dismissing Zuran Johnny picked up a new mercenary by the name of Slayer. Also of likely plot interest, the locals insisted that Johnny and Mindy were themselves Lobotts. Leaving Dubor our heroes faced a long walk to Daphne's cave on the equator.

Surprised to find Daphne actually in her home Johnny and Mindy consulted with the Sage. She informed them that in order to defeat Dal Gren they would have to gather the three items of the legendary hero Kormu. Those items being his Sword, Helmet, and Armor. After quizzing Johnny on what she just said Daphne directed them to a teleportation pad which would take them to a location near Kormu's sword. This happened to be in the middle of nowhere, much to Johnny's chagrin. This is where we pick up for

Christ, couldn't she just send us right to the sword. As long as she has the power to teleport things I mean. Where are we anyway? I wonder how long we'll have to walk this time?

Oh hey, that wasn't bad at all. She could have put us down within visual range and saved us a lot of stress though. Let's have a look.

So this is where Saynol come from. I was always curious about the dragon wing things. I guess it's part of a theme.

Yep, a theme. For a tourist trap. You're not getting my money you carnies!

Oh yes please tell me the inane story you people put on your restaurant placemats.

So Kormu killed a dragon in this area ten thousand years ago, and you based your entire town's income generation model on it? Don't you guys have an economics major in the region?

Yes, all part of a dragon theme. I think this statue is paper mache.

Gee Mindy, do you think that cave is worth checking out? Perhaps, maybe, is there a chance? We get it you yokels. I just hope you don't think I'm paying admission.

Well the yokels are out of ways to swindle us. What say we check out the local eatery? No Mindy, I'm not going to try to call this a date.

Merc Alert!
It's that time again. Time to pick our team for the next dungeon and beyond. To see which bonds of companionship will be formed, and which will be broken. Lets start with a review of our current mercenaries.

The most recent addition to the team, Slayer is a big man with a big sword, and small (but useful) bottle of healing potion. He also has a few defensive buff spells, which can come in handy. Currently he is level 24.

Martial Arts enthusiast Dan is still kicking heads and taking names at level 25. Though he doesn't have any magic, and his gear is starting to be a bit outdated for the area. He is still a strong addition to the team.

Now the challengers.

First off we have a lady named Wild. Don't know how she could get a nickname like that. Update! Angelic Panacea continues to rock my world!

Oh my *ahem* well I don't know about you but I'm about to go buck wild. (get it? Sex! lol!)

Besides being a hottie, and jailbait. Wild is level 21 and comes equipped with a bow, and a mini bottle for healing. She also knows what is becoming a fairly standard set of offensive water spells, and defensive buff spells. Who cares about combat effectiveness. She's an absolute fox.

The other new mercenary is MeanMa. Apparently she's just looking for some company on the road.

She's no Wild, but Johnny isn't picky. Even though she's only twenty-eight years old, He won't stop using the annoying term MILF. She is also level twenty-one. Which, if memory serves, is acceptable for this area.

Her gear looks good. Especially that High Bottle. That's the best healing item we've seen so far.

MeanMa knows a lightning spell, a debuff, and that freeze spell that may or may not work at her skill level.

Those are our choices at this juncture. I'm sure you can guess what Johnny would do, but it isn't really up to him is it? Anyway here's hoping you have a good time making your decision. Sorry about the shortness of this update, but that's just how the chips fell in this episode.

Chapter 7, Part 2/2

And we're back! Let's see what Johnny is up to.

Dan, Slayer. I've called you here today to thank you for your hard work and contributions to the team. Unfortunately I feel there is a higher power that this team must now serve, and I'm afraid that despite your considerable skills. You just don't have a place for you in this organization now that we've discovered a higher calling. Good luck to both of you in your future endeavors.

Alright now that the hard part's out of way it's time to redefine what this team is all about.

BOOBIES! One booby, two boobies, three boobies, four boobies! Look at all the boobies! I love boobies!. Get on that slip 'n slide Mindy! This is now a booby party! Break out the low cut blouses and the harem anime jokes! We've got a lot of fanservice to, uh, service.

Now before we head out to the mountain everyone in this town is so proud of, let's spend a night at the inn. Yes, a night at the inn is just what we all need in order to bond.

Oh, I just remembered. There was something that I needed to buy at the drug store. Now while I'm gone I don't want you ladies having all kinds of hot lesbian sex as part of a contest to see who gets to have me. After which you decide, in a truly genius move, that you can all share me, then I come back and we have lots and lots of group sex.

itsaplot.jpg Two hours later I returned from the drug store bag of various lubricants. While I was gone the girls decided have a slumber party. Not the good kind with the silk pajamas, and pillow fights, and practicing French kissing each other. No, they had bad kind of slumber party with the formless cotton pajamas that your mom would wear, and the hair curlers, and the talking about how much I suck. They even put a no boys allowed sign on the door. I had to sneak a peek in the window to see what they were doing. It was really lousy material for . No skin or innuendo at all! Curses! they've bonded alright, but not in the hot, sticky way I'd hoped! I ended up sleeping in the hotel lobby. Oh, and nobody laughed at my big lube bag.

We set out early the next morning, as none of us were exhausted from an all night orgy, with boobies, and limbs, and soft, gropeable girl bits everywhere. What a waste. Oh well, the world isn't going to save itself is it?

For the town's premiere tourist attraction, this isn't exactly a convenient location.

New enemies! We've got pallete swapped red orbs, now black orbs, and a new enemy called Red Witches. By far the most magic happy enemies I've encountered to date.

So this is the mountain with cave everyone's been so on about. Well let's take a look inside.

That guy was right, there is a warm breeze coming out of here. It's kind of pleasent.

Hmm this is a pretty narrow tunnel. The floor's kinda moist too.

More new enemies. The ones on top are called amoebas, and the bottom ones are called viruses. Also from up close this cave looks like a huge version of that bone cathedral thing. Only not using human bones.

Even more enemies. The ones on the bottom center are parasites. The ones to the left are bacteria. I'm detecting a theme in this dungeon's monsters.

In addition to being narrow this passage winds back on itself a lot.

We eventually arrived in a large chamber with an unstable floor. Mindy almost tripped a couple times, but I was there to catch her. I am so in.

About this time MeanMa started talking about her background. Seems she used to be a housewife known for being a strict disciplinarian. One day a misunderstanding with child protective services lead to her losing her children. Somehow, she thinks that by working as a mercenary and proving her physical strength she can get her children back. Yeah, I don't know either. Luckily we were interrupted by a strange rumbling from behind us.

And we were swept away by a flood of acrid green liquid.

Ugh. Is everyone alright? Did anyone swallow any of that green crap? What in Sam Hill is going on here? I swear I saw a tongue just before we... Is that a dragon?

Inside, inside? You mean we've been crawling around inside a dragon's guts all this time? Wait a tick.

We crawled up you ass didn't we? Right up your stinky, slightly warm gas emitting, dragon ass.

The revealation that the tunnel we entered was indeed your ass brings up another atrocity.




What we're seeing here is a first (I hope) anywhere. Dragon goatse. Further, this Dragon has been spreading his anus the whole world to see for ten thousand years now. While that kind of dedication to anything should be admirable. This is just misguided!

Torment? Don't tell me about torment! Your ass is a major tourist attraction. Children run about freely in your digestive tract. No doubt using your prostate as a trampoline, which you enjoy thoroughly. So do me a favor and don't ever use the word "release" in my presence again! We both know you've been getting plenty of that you sick lizard fuck!

What did I just say? Oh, that kind of release. You mean someone forced you into the goatse position, and then pinned you to the groud with a sword for ten thousand years? Well that's five percent less horrible than if you doing it for jollies. You surely came to enjoy this position over the centuries, of course. That must have been one bad motherfucker who did that to you. Even if he was a sexual deviant. Since that's obviously the sword I'm looking for I'll pull it out. But I'm giving it a few good twists first to teach you a lesson about not saying "Hey! Don't crawl up my ass you tiny little people!".

So to get up on your back I gotta crawl up between your creepy two sets of eyes huh? You&'ve got some kind of small creatures crawling on you fetish don't you?

I'm assuming this is the sword all the fuss is about?

Yup. It looks pretty badass, under the ten millennia of rust anyway. Removing the sword commences a mighty rumble in the earth, or maybe just the dragon's bowels.

No that's okay. We've had bad experiences with people giving us lifts and free transportation to places.

Plus all the places you're talking about sound weird and symbolic.

Wait! We didn't even tell you where we wanted to go!

Good Christ! Mindy, hold onto me like your life depends on it! (Oh yeah, that's it)

Actually this is much safer and less hair raising than the last time somebody flew us somewhere. Some of the scenery is really quite breathtaking.

So any of you ladies wanna make out?

Oh come on, not one of you?

Now it's time for me to say the thing I say every time somebody thinks they're doing us a favor by taking us somewhere. Where the hell are we?

Saskuot? You mean that place that keeps kidnapping people from, causing trouble in, and trying to flat out invade the continent of Naskuot? Oh yeah, this is where I wanted to go.

Hell yeah I'll be on my guard. Pretty much the entire continent wants to kick my ass. And I mean moreso than the last continent I was on.

Wait you're leaving? Don't you disappear? Don't you dare disappear you assplay loving reptile!

Well Mindy I just found out there's something I hate more than being ditched in the middle of fucking nowhere, being ditched in the middle of nowhere, in HOSTILE FUCKING TERRITORY!!
To be continued

Another Chapter complete. The forces at work in Lennus sure like dropping Mindy and Johnny in out of the way places don't they? Later tonight I should have a bit of chapter 8 up. That means more mercenary selection.