Part 15: Episode 15: Loot Da JointSo, I meant to have an update up Saturday, but I went to a Charity Rave hosted by a local Anime Convention to raise money for Japan relief. It was basically the gooniest charity event you can imagine, but it was fun. In the process, I learned two things:
1 - I am the unholy embodiment of white people dancing.
2 - It should be illegal to sell trenchcoats and fedoras to anyone under 40. Especially at the same time.
Anyway, here's Saturday's update.
Episode 15 - Loot Da Joint
When we last left Aya, she was moping about maybe being a secret crazy monster lady. If this was a Final Fantasy game, the internet would call her emo for such an episode.
But there's no time to sit and brood!
There's bullets to steal!
And TV to watch! Aya seems like the kind of person who watches VH1. 'Course, this is 1998 and Reality TV hadn't really taken over yet, and I honestly can't remember what VH1 did before reality shows. Pop-Up Video?
Betcha Aya fuckin' loved Pop-Up Video.
Nice neighborhood. Seems like the whole town's gone to hell once everyone started melting.
Oh, hey, this guy.
Oh, right. That scene at the end of last update? That was technically still the night of the 2nd Day. Now it's Day 3. So, uh...
He was sitting outside, on the street, all night, in December? In New York? Dressed like that?
: From the monsters?
: Hypothermia! How do you not have frostbite? Oh, yeah, and there's rat monsters and shit, too, I guess.
Scientists sleep on the freezing streets of hell itself if it means getting proof! Hell, in this genre, scientists will literally murder police officers just to get imaginary "combat data". Maeda here is literally the most realistic scientist in any survival horror game ever.
Not even joking about that.
Hey, is that...?
He seems like he's in a good mood, seeing as his ex-wife just died. Actually, maybe not.
: So, what're we sitting around for ?! We've got work to do !
: Daniel... thanks...
Daniel, have I told you lately that you're my favorite character?
Yes. Let us do that. Yes.
The Police Station Music plays here for some reason
Haha, who gives a fuck?
Hey, how did you guys beat me here?
: Outta the way, Aya.
: Daniel, no...
: Sorry, but it's the only way.
Daniel draws his revolver and BLASTS THE FUCKING DOOR OPEN!
He even does a little pistol twirl when he puts it away.
Daniel brings the badass, Aya brings the deadpan sarcasm. Parasite Eve is actually a very cleverly disguised buddy cop movie.
Oh, I like the looks of this.
: Do you know how many motherfuckers I could blow up with all this? All of 'em. All the motherfuckers.
I really wish this scene was done as a "trying on different outfits" montage, except with guns.
In fact, just imagine it is and listen to this until we leave the gun store.
: Much better.
: What did you just do?
: Oh, I just took the grenades out of my grenade launcher and crammed them into the pistol. I had to take the launcher apart, but now I have a handgun that shoots napalm grenades.
: What?! How did you do that?
: With this wrench I found on the floor.
: Oh, of course.
Yeah, I know Fire Grenades aren't that good, but come on. It's faster than my rifle, does barely less damage, and now fires grenades. It rules.
I also found this SMG. It has Rapid Fire, which makes Aya spray bullets all over the place, hitting enemies randomly. It cannot blow anything up, so I ignore it for now.
There's this fancy new model Club. It looks like a straight upgrade, but it has Steal, which makes it hit for half-damage, but lets you steal from enemies when you connect. Unfortunately, Aya's inventory fills up quickly enough without grabbing extra shitty Medicines, so it's less than useful.
Sadly, that's all there is to find in Sam's Gun Shop. Guess we're done here, right?
Fine, I guess we'll go to the stupid pharmacy. If we have to.
: I am declaring war on anyone who sells drugs to this community!
: But Daniel...I sell drugs to the community!
What? And someone already beat us to the vandalism? Laaaaaaame.
When I was a kid, I thought this line meant that Japan was like a 3rd world country with no medical supplies, where everyone lived in grass huts and occasionally attacked Chris Redfield. I was a dumb kid.
I guess this line just means that Maeda fucking loves drugs. Loves 'em.
So, yeah. There's boatloads of shit in here, too. But I don't have a catchy tune to fit the theme of chemical substances.
Let's try this
Oooh, a secret back room?
Naturally, all the good stuff is in the back.
And behind the counter.
We're done here. I probably missed like a million healing items by not checking every shelf in the pharmacy, but fuck it. I can heal myself with magic. Magic, bitches!
Hey, let's go show Torres this incredibly unsafe grenade pistol I just made!
This happens if you try to get in the backseat. I've played this game at least half-a-dozen times to completion, but I always do this. And never intentionally.
No, shut up. It's "Give-Torres-a-Nervous-Breakdown" time, not "Science" time. Wait your turn.
They did before?
Remember any of that, Danny?
Oh, this should be fun.