Part 26: Episode 26: The Inhuman Centipede

Episode 26: The Inhuman Centipede

Okay, so last time we tackled the single worst dungeon in the game. This time, we face off against the worst boss. Okay, maybe not the worst, but he still blows.



Right, so everyone remember that mass of meat-slime that used to be human beings who attended the Central Park concert? Yeah, they fell into the water supply. Sure, everyone's evacuated right now, but no one wants to deal with that shit when they get back.


Of course, Aya believes in the Francis York Morgan school of Urgency, so we head down here first.


What's down in this large, ominous area?


Did someone say "Optional Mini-boss"?




No? Well, that's what it is.



Croc's back, and he brought a friend. You'll notice the new color, so they've clearly been upgraded. Unfortunately for them, so has Aya. And they certainly don't have guns that first grenades filled with acid, buckshot, and crazy purple knock-out gas. All at once


Sure, they still have their old fire-breath.


Fire breath that explodes into smaller fireballs.


The Sonic BOOMs come from their hands now, so you don't have to kill the tails. This isn't the boss I said I didn't like, by the way. These guys are actually a blast to fight. They can keep you on your toes with their number superiority, but are still easy enough to take down so you really feel how far you've come since that first boss way back in the sewers.


Er...the OTHER sewers.


They also drop a nice reward, which is always good.


All that's left down here is this Tool. Sometimes a fun fight is reward enough.


That's done, so let's go take care of that thing what we said we'd do. Or whatever.


This room annoys me, because it feels like there should be something in here, but there isn't.



: Aya, push the action button to turn the handle!

: Oh, come on! MGS2 didn't even come out yet!



: That mechanic was annoying, anyway.


This room looks important. And it is, because it contains...


Bullets! Wait, shit


It actually has a pump control system. Aya says we have to do this to stop the melty-meats from...doing something? But, actually we also need to do this to progress at all. There's an impassable trench of sewage out there, and Aya sure as hell ain't wading through all that.

Let's Flush Some Human Waste!


Right, so here's the puzzle. First we turn on the main power.


Then we turn on Pump 1, followed by Pump 2. That's it. Wait, that's it? Guys, are we sure this a survival horror game? I think I've been duped.


By the way, if you clicked the video link up there, that annoying grinding noise is the power generator we turned on. Yeah, it plays the whole cutscene, and yeah, it sucks.


Uh, Aya, was that what we were trying to do? What ARE you doing?



: What's it look like I'm doing? Why don't you let me work; I let you work!



: I'll tell ya why we're here, we're because some diaper-bag downtown is bein' a jerk, and makin' us work on a Friday night! Am I right, Aya?



: Of course, you're right, Daniel. Is he right, Ziggy?



: YO!



: Yeah, I've seen the movie, guys. Hardy har har.


Well, now that that killjoy has left and wrecked up the joint, we can shut off the pump and move on. By the way, if we tried to pass by before doing that?


Aya refuses to walk through any more dookie today.


But, no pump, no dookie, no problem.


We can pass through this creepy-ass door to find...


Groovin' tunes? So, now we're in the subway for some reason, and after the utter silence of the sewers, we're treated to this particularly cool song. Very nice change of pace.


Okay, let's get off the tracks, first.


Hey, maybe if we go out that gate, we can get some fresh air!


Of course. Well, let's go find the damn thing.


These are always nice.


Past the staircase, we find this, a Medicine in the upper chest, and a save point. Sadly, we also find that we have no choice but to drop back down onto the tracks.


I choose this side. Both sides lead to the same place, but this side has a chest, and most importantly, no bats.


What kind of beast will accost us here? Mutant hobos? Some sort of bio-mechanical train car? Those bug things from Cloverfield?!


A...mole? Okay, whatever. The chest in this tunnel has bullets or a Medicine. I forget which.


Okay, we reach the next screen and...


Shit, they found us! Dammit, Jessie, you just had to make that ID "special", didn't you?


Wait, no, false alarm. Sorry, everybody, it's just a giant fuck-off centipede.


Actually, no, not a false alarm. I fucking hate this guy! When I was a kid, I could never, ever beat this creepy crawly cockbag. I had to have my sister do it, and watch her play the rest of the game.

When I came back to this game, older, wiser, actually aware of the Tool/Upgrade system. I found he's actually pretty easy, just really annoying. And I mean, really fucking annoying. How do you feel about status effects? Because this asshole fucking loves 'em!


First, he spews this rain of poison balls into the air. They leave a small cloud for a second when they hit the ground, and he tries to aim them at you. If a ball or cloud hits you, you're poisoned. Poison can rack up damage very quickly in this game, and although it's easy to cure through items and spells, that's a turn you have to waste curing.

Not gonna completely fuck you if you use Haste constantly, like you should, but it is very annoying.


Then, like all centipedes in the natural world, he can fire lightning at you out of his tail. Getting hit by the lightning inflicts Defense Down, which is super annoying and we don't have a way to cure at the moment. The the lighting hits a pretty big area in front of him, so Haste is very important for dodging it.

Again, this all completely accurate to nature. Look it up.


After you knock him down to about half HP, he shits purple and explodes into pieces.


Independently moving, still very angry pieces. This part is complete nonsense since everyone know only millipedes can split their consciousness across dismembered body parts.


Here, the four parts will shift around you in a circle, then attack you all at once. It's dodge-able, but very tricky. The thing that confounded me for years was that I thought a hit from any of the four pieces inflicted poison. I was wrong: Only the head can poison you. Either kill that first, or just keep and eye on him and try to dodge.


I used Gene Heal here rather than just curing my poison because...well, he's down to two pieces. I've pretty much already won. All the same...



: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M LIKE THE FUCKING ENOLA GAY WITH A BADGE! AHAHAHAHAHA!


Fuck that guy. I can spare a rocket or two for a little catharsis.


No new spell, but look at all those BP I'll inevitably forget to spend!


The game gives me another Grenade Launcher here, because it knows what I like. This one gives me pause, however.


Because this one has Ice Grenades. Now, my hideous abomi-gun can't have any more slots attached, and it's all filled up. So, I'd have to replace one of my old abilities to slap this one on there. And I really like the shotgun effect, so either Acid or Sleep grenades would have to go.

I'll let you guys decide, because I'm tempted to slap that shit on there just in case I run into The Nemesis.


By the way, don't forget to check behind this crashed train!


It's a secret goodie room!


It contains this! Now, arguably, Defense Down is the most dangerous status effect in the game. But seeing as my only death so far was from a fucking shit-spider _{and a plane}, Stiffness is my most hated status. Being slowed can be fucking catastrophic, and being stopped dead is even worse.

Since this room also contained two Tools, I immediately transfer this to my good armor.


Okay, let's head forward to...


...a bridge? Wha...how...where did the train tracks go? How did we get so far from the city? How long was I in those sewers?! Dear God, what year is it?!


You gotta help me, napping guy!


Okay, that helps, I guess.




Well, shit, we'd better...


Haha, what? THAT's where you put the disc break? Really? C'mon, Squaresoft, there wasn't even an airship anywhere near that scene!




: Bill Murray seems like a nice guy.


: So, I had dis friend in High School. 'is name was Martin Mole, and yeah, 'e always got picked on fer it. Anyways, back in '96, 'e comes ta me, beggin' me fer a job! "What's wrong wit yer old one?" I asks him. 'e tells me dis fat plumber is always jumpin' on 'is head! All day, too? Can ya imagine? So I says "Well, what can ya do?" an' he goes "Well, I can dig, right? Pop up in diff'rnt places and whatnot. An' I can stretch my arms real far. I can like, slap ya across da room, or deliver drinks, or whateva really!" So, being a nice guy like I am, I says "Look, I got dis audition comin' up. Dere lookin' fer crazy monster-guys like us. Why don'tcha come wit' me, and we'll see what happens!" Turns out da director liked us both so much, we both got in da game. Too bad Martin got involved in dat nose candy, though. Last time anyone saws him, 'e was runnin' off inta da woods screamin' 'bout breakfast cereal.


: Oy, dis guy. Dis guy...is not my kinda guy. Always bustin' chops an' pushin' around da lighting guys an' all. Used ta borrow money all da time, an' as far as I know, no one ever saw a cent back. Still, he didn't deserve ta go out da way 'e did. Oh, dey said it was an accident. A prop malfunction. Forgot ta put blanks in da gun. But I ain't neva seen no blanks what can fight in a rocket launcha! Ya don't just "accidentally" break a guy inta pieces an' shoot 'im repeatedly in each piece! But I neva said nuttin'. Cuz Momma Johansen didn't raise no fools.




: Well, 'cept my brudda Slug. 'e ate shoes an' lived in da basement. But we ain't s'pposed ta talk about Slug...