Part 30: Episode 30: Everybody Walk The Dinosaur

Episode 30: Everybody Walk The Dinosaur

Welcome back to Let's Play Parasite Eve. Last time, Daniel punched Klamp right in the face. Klamp is now dead. These events may not be connected, but they are in my heart.


Right, so that's one villain down, one to go. Eve is chillin' out up on the 4th Floor somewhere, so let's go shoot her repeatedly!


We'll just head on up the stairs and...


Uh...


Well, Eve has apparently barricaded herself in by covering the door in people-goo and letting it harden like a horrible meaty amber. Neat.


Well, at least this is nice. Maybe we can use that key we got from Klamp's crazy corpse to find an other way in?


Well, yes, that's exactly what we can do, as Klamp's Key can unlock every door in the building. Starting with this one in the room we climbed down to way back when. Remember when we ran around on a window ledge dozens of feet above the cold hard floor? Good times.


This new room contains a fight with some boring mooks and another quiz machine!


Oh, and we get this. Full Recover is nice, but you should ideally never need to use it. Of course, if your back's against the wall and you have a buttload of PE to burn, you'll be glad you have it.


Same deal with this quiz. Answer science question, get bullets.


Hey, looks like there's something back there. Some sort of secretive stash of supplies. Hmmmmmm


Yeah, they put two locked doors in a row that are both opened by the same key you just got. I dunno either.


More Chocobos, Squaresoft? Nobody likes chocobos!  Everybody likes chocobos 


Blah blah blah Mortal Kombat joke blah blah


This door, along with nearly every other door unlocked by the Klamp Key, simply opens a route back to a place you've already been. This one goes back to the room below the one with the mitochondria display. This is marginally useful if you need to make a trip back to the Station, but it's mostly just there to make you realize Klamp was actively trying to stop your progress through the museum. That jerk.


Upstairs is where we wanna be


Hmm, that triceratops looks suspiciously not pre-rendered...Oh well, probably nothing.


BUH-WHAAAAA?!


It's Triceratops Fighting Time!


Right, so the Trike is a miniboss, and he pretty much has one attack. That is ramming Aya with his horns.


A lot.


His charges can be a bitch to dodge if you aren't recasting Haste every time it runs out. I'm an idiot, so I chose to cast Gene Heal, which ate up all my PE, while struggling to heal all the damage I took from getting impaled. Basically, I'm on fire and choose to apply band-aids instead of stepping into a pool.


He can also shoot lightning, because why the hell not?


After enough damage, his head comes off. Yeah, the whole thing. At this point, he pretty much stops trying to charge you and mostly sticks to good ol' electrotherapy.


Of course, once his head is off, he's pretty much dead.


Liberate is the only offensive PE spell in the game aside from Energy Shot. It...it's certainly a thing to be seen. I'll explain it in the next boss fight. In the meantime, let's just...



: Whozawhatnow?



: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUU!


Okay, it might be hard to tell in screenshots, but basically, the Headless Dino just got back up and charged Aya, sending them both flying out the window and crashing to the floor below. It's a bit easier to tell in the video. What video?

The Boss Video


Luckily, the Triceratops absorbed most of the fall damage and promptly melts away. Aya has a brief freakout, but is otherwise completely fine.


Some say he has webbed fingers, toes, and lungs.


Others say he subsists exclusively on yellow snow.


All we know is, he's called...


MOTHERFUCKING TREX IN YOUR FUCKING FACE!


Okay, we all knew this was coming. Time for a showdown with arguably the coolest boss in this, or any other, game.


Right, so Megatron here can leap around the arena and, notably, BREATHE FUCKING FIRE. He also has an extremely damaging bite attack, but it's a non-issue because he only uses it if you stand right under his face.


Well, if Eve is bustin' out the big guns, I figure we should too. Liberate cost a percentage of your PE, and that percentage is 100%. If that green bar is anything less than full, you just plain can't use it.


Using Liberate causes Aya to unleash her latent mitochondria powers, not unlike Eve. And like Melissa before her, Aya transforms.


Into a naked green...alien...lady. Well, she still has legs, so she clearly got the better deal outta this than Eve did.


Once in full Final Fantasy end boss mode, Aya flies at the enemy and punches explosions at them for huge damage.


Over...


and over...


and over again. Seven hits, all told, all of them for basically buckets of damage. Super-Aya will even jump back and forth between multiple targets if there are any, so it can basically do everything the Rocket Launcher can but better.


After it's all over, Aya turns back and is briefly stunned. I did this against the Rex mostly to demonstrate that even though it is completely awesome, it is not always a guaranteed win button, and it will leave you vulnerable and without PE.

That being said, it is pretty much always worth it once you know what a boss can throw at you.


Of course, the T Rex isn't gonna just take that beating sitting down, and retaliates by farting homing lasers. These are easily his trickiest attack to dodge, in that it's his only tricky attack to dodge.


Not even silly dances are enough to save it, and the Rex soon falls to rapid-fire shotgun shells filled with liquid nitrogen and acid.


He drops this pistol, which has "Enter 2 Commands" attached to it. It's a really shitty name for an ability, but at least you know what it does. It lets you do two things per turn instead of one.



: Lookit me! I'm a big dumb lizard with tiny arms! Hurf durf!


Well, once Aya's had her fun, we move on by slipping out this side door.


This brings us out right here, which is no good, because we need to be...


Back up in the Triceratops room! We can now leave out the southern exit without being rudely interrupted.

Or can we?


This is one of those cutscenes that is damn near impossible to communicate via screenshots, so you might wanna click that video link.


Basically, there's a periodic rumbling, and stuff shakes around and falls over.


Like, imagine with Sabertooth skull is rattlin' around all crazy like.


And then a buncha bones fall off Birdman back there.


GEE THAT SURE WAS FORESHADOWY! Anyway, here's another door locked by foul, nightmarish means. But more importantly...


That earthquake broke some glass! Now we can sneak back behind this exhibit and find some goodies!




Yay, goodies!



: Hmm, I wonder where else I can get into now...


The Earthquake also broke open the exhibit downstairs, which allows us to get at that stash we saw earlier.




Not a bad haul.


At this point, I ran all over the museum making sure I didn't miss anything else. Interestingly, only two other things changed after the earthquake. The first is this mess.


The other is that the room where we first encountered the Scorpion enemy is now littered with puddles of water. I have no idea why or where that water even came from.


Whatever, let's just go back upstairs to these gross-ass stairs and move on.


This entire room is covered in the stuff. By the way, I just want to remind you that this goop is MELTED HUMAN FLESH.


Let's finish this mayhem.











: Yeah, dat one's a cliffhanger, folks.


: Threehorns never play with Longnecks.


: So, I rememba dis one day on da set, we're all jus' hangin' out, chattin' wit da lighting fellas. All o' a sudden, we hear da director outside goin' at it wit dis guy, screaming Japanese and yellin' 'bout contracts and whatnot. Basically, dis bigshot, Terry, was fresh off some Spielberg joint, an' was demandin' all shorts o' nonsense. Bigger trailer, more close-ups, name on da poster, all dat stuff. Eventually, da director convinces him to come in an' do his scene. So, he comes in, an' Aya comes in, an' dey do da scene, an' as soon as da director says cut, Terry starts rantin' 'bout "Amateurs this" an' "Screen Monsters Guild that", an' storms off. Well, Aya got all mad, an' she went after 'im, bangin' on his trailer door an' demandin' an apology.

Well, everybody went home to cool off. Da next day, we come in, and we do da scene again. Da thing is, some new guy was standin' in fer Terry. No one said a word, but everyone knew somethin' weird happened. Nobody heard from Terry again, not a peep. A few years later, dey found his trailer at da bottom o' da river. Dey never found Terry, though. No one really missed 'im, but it's still weird, y'know?

Either way, no one ever mentioned da incident again, especially when Aya was on set.

Dis business...it's a rough business.