Part 37: Episode 37: Escape SequenceEpisode 37: Escape Sequence
Last time, Daniel Dollis jumped out of a helicopter several hundred feet in the air to throw Aya a deus ex machina she needs to kill the final boss. Without a parachute. While on fire.
Aya shows concern for Daniel's safety here, but this is basically the only time anyone reacts to Danny's amazing stunt.
No idea how she knows this, unless Daniel also included a tidily written note with the magic cell bullets. Which he probably did, because he's very considerate.
Okay, so Maeda's magic bullets actually overwrite the Narita item in your inventory. Which is why you couldn't remove it; to make sure you'd have a slot for this item no matter what.
The game auto-equips the bullets and Maeda's Gun, which is the only gun that can fire them. It's stats are unchanged, but hey, the game is clearly trying to tell us something, here.
Here are those shiny new sci-fi bullets, ready to fire. Don't ask me how one goes about making bullets containing magic cells, because I'm still trying to figure out why that makes them green.
Well, however the fuck it works, it works really, really well. Every shot does 999 damage to the boss. Every. Single. One.
UB's laser bits start firing more frequently at this point, but even if you just stood there and took every hit, this is a damage race you basically cannot lose.
The form with the disturbingly displayed scrotum was the real final boss. This is just a formality, really.
Observant viewers may notice I named my equipment slightly differently in the boss videos.
The Ultimate Being reacts to being shot repeated with plot bullets by spazzing the fuck out.
Nobody likes a sore loser, UB. These hissy fits are very unbecoming, young man.
He flails so hard, his
Jeez, at least Eve died with some dignity.
BLARG I AM DEAD
Now that Aya's murdered what is technically her nephew, she rushes to make sure Daniel's okay. Pfft, like a little fall could kill Daniel "BAMF" Dollis.
OH, COME ON!
Even though we just killed this jerk four times in a row, the Ultimate Being proves to be the Ultimate Pain in The Ass by dragging itself towards Aya.
Here's how this works. UB moves slowly but not that slowly towards you, and you run away. Touch UB, and guess what? Dead. Contact with the green phallic dolphin will kill Aya instantly, meaning you have to go through all four boss fights all over again.
This sequence also features the ultimate Brown Trouser Music.
There's also this cool Remix from some sort of weird, fan-made hentai game or something.
Hey, remember how Aya actually has to go through an animation to open these doors? Yeah, well, the UBster keeps moving while you do them, so you have to make sure you reach any doors you need to open with a healthy buffer between you and Insta-death.
Inside, maybe this map of the BATTLESHIP can help us find some way to deal with our clingy nephew.
I'm sure we can use that somehow? Aya clearly has a plan, at least. Well, let's just hit up that phone and save so we don't have to refight all the bosses if we fuck up.
Or better yet, let's not. Because you see, that diabolical phone is actually a trap! The time it takes Aya to reach the phone and go through her "picking up a phone" animation is exactly the length of time it takes the Ultimate Butthead to reach Aya and kill her.
DO NOT USE THIS PHONE! Just keep running. Seriously. I'm sure the thread will be filled with stories of woe and misery related to this phone. It's simply not worth it.
Just go through the door and never look back.
So, here we have a fork in the road. One way leads to our destination, the other to a dead end. A dead end equals death, so we don't want that. But that oddly placed map wasn't particularly helpful, so how do we know where to go?
Just go left. Seriously. If you reach a fork during this chase, take the route to Aya's left. That's always the right choice.
The creeping death is still hot on our tail.
Unfortunately, there's no time to see if UB has a goofy animation for sliding down stairs, we need to duck through that door and keep moving.
Once again, if we don't go left, we die. So, uh...go left.
Lookit UBby-wubby peeking around that doorway.
There's a big red arrow on the wall, helpfully pointing the way to our destination! Down the hatch, we go!
Here's the engine room. I can't speak for accuracy, but it looks fairly engine room-esqe.
Most JRPG protagonists would use the power of friendship or love to defeat the big bad. Not Aya Brea. She's just gonna blow it the fuck up!
Speak of the devil. I can appreciate a world ending horror that doesn't mind flopping face-first down a hole to kill someone.
Okay, that line's pretty good. The red alarm lights helped it a lot, though.
UB will actually just sit there for this room, but Aya did just set the engine to overheat and fucking explode, so we should probably get going.
The alarm is actually blaring here, and the lights will periodically flash red.
In the next hall, the Ultimate Being has recovered from Aya's one-liner and resumes his pursuit. He can still kill ya, so keep moving.
Another hallway, another door, etc etc
In this stairwell, the Ultimate Being remembers that it has BS mitochondria powers, and just decides to start flying. He moves considerably faster now, so unless you keep moving at full sprint, you will die.
We're on the home stretch now. Here's a video of the whole chase sequence, by the way.
A woman flees for her life from a writhing red phallus. You could write at least...five, six whole sentences about the subtext here. You shouldn't, but you could.
Aya bursts out the door right into an FMV! I'm pretty sure there were several corridors and a stairwell between us and the engine room by this point, though. These boats are weird.
I like to think there was a big red "DO NOT PUSH" button on this thing that Aya just mashed the shit out of.
: Oh, right. Boats go in the ocean! Well, I'm not seeing many options here, so...
: I'm comin' for ya, Danny!
Yeah, so that engine ain't doin' too good anymore.
Parasite Eve's working title? Blowin' Shit Up: The Game.
Y'know, I bet more Naval personnel have died during the past few FMVs than in the average game of Battleship.
: HOLY FUCK, THAT'S COLD!
: Another job well done.