Part 109: 9/19: Get Smoked

Part 105: 9/19: Get Smoked



This is a legendary post.

Anon: im getting so hype rn
Anon: calling card plz!!!
Anon: Yeah, take Okumura down!!
Anon: Exploitation is not OK.

Music: Tokyo Emergency



If Haru’s sold off, our failure will sully the Phantom Thieves name.

“Sold off”? That’s a really weird way of phrasing that, man.




All right! New mission! Time to fuck around, ignore every single one of our friends and responsibilities, talk to every NPC in the game again, and blitz through the Palace in a single day, putting tremendous strain on myself as well as you, the viewing audience!



It’s the government’s fault. Why do they pick on people on the National Pension like us? Young people are pathetic, too. They’re so quick to complain and claim they’re getting exploited.

Surely this can’t be because they’re actually getting exploited, you fucking raisin? No, it must be those whiny children who are wrong.



You think so? I think they work just as hard as we did, don’t they?
No! They’re weak, I’m telling you!

Not quite sure what that was about...



We’ve been gathering stories about the corrupt bosses that people have worked for. We’ve gotten tons of responses so far. People have been sending stories of such terrible things…
They’re blowing things out of proportion. Young people today are just too soft.

Kill all the old people, it’s the only way to be sure.



One thing we’re going to try to do at least a few times for the rest of the game is buy more materials and transmutable weapons wherever and whenever we can. I have no idea if I’ll end up using any of this, but it’s worth a shot.



Oh no! The dog is sick!

Also, I guess we really are using the “sold off” terminology. That’s pretty uncomfortable, not gonna lie.



Huh? Kotaro seems kinda tired though…
*whine*…
This summer was really hot, so he’s a little worn out… Let’s leave the bad guys to the Phantom Thieves and let him rest.

Music: Tokyo Daylight



Stirring up the popularity of the Phantom Thieves was a success. Now we’ll focus on Okumura Foods!
We shouldn’t go too far… Okumura’s a major sponsor of ours, you know.
I told you, don’t get cold feet! Our viewers can’t get enough of the Phantom Thieves’ craze! We’ll get to bash both the police and the politicians. It’ll be double the fun. *snicker*



That is the fate of an economic supremacist, contaminated by the surge of darkness!
Stand up, Phantom Thieves! Apostles of the Sun! Go and fulfill the will of the Sun God!
Please remember this: The Phantom Thieves only exist thanks to the Sun God!



Thinking about what happened with Okumura Foods made me realize that…
I’m not sure that’s a good comparison… Anyway, how old did you tell your boyfriend you were?
...I told him I was 15 years younger than I really am.

Okay, I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but between her description as “Young-looking Woman,” her previous obsession with Akechi, and her rather extreme predilection for dating men massively younger than her, I think this woman might be an actual pedophile.



Oh? What’s this? Blue text?




Kishi? That dude we did a change of heart for like two weeks ago?

A...All right. Thank you!
Knock it out of the park and the drinks are on me! Just be ready for an all-night rager!
No, no, nooo—I can’t. My wife would kill me.
Looks like the change of heart worked.



It’s all lies! Everyone’s out to get Okumura Foods because they’re jealous of its success!
Are you sure? My husband, he never receives any overtime pay, so… I wonder if they’ll pin this on the CEO. He should probably just admit the truth. Ohoho…



The girls love lines like that. It’s all thanks to the Phantom Thieves!
Hoho, you’re starting to get the hang of it. Hit a homerun with that Love Thief line, did you?
Actually, the “Love Thief” line didn’t work out so well. I always hear it’s lame and hard to get...




Oh, got you interested, huh? Well, if that’s the case, you ought to see our new product!



Don’t be so full of yourself, kid. I’m no Phantom Thief, but I can make you beg for forgiveness, too.



Who knows? It’s not as flashy a target as Medjed though. Companies all over the country exploit their workers. Will taking down one of them change anything?
I’m sure it will affect public opinion. I guess we’ll sit back and watch what they do.



Ugh, don’t tell me what to do, you annoying jerk.
Whoa, it’s true! She’s a real-life tsundere maid! Yeah, harsh on the outside, and shy on the inside.

In case you’ve never watched a bad anime and thus don’t know what “tsundere” means, it’s basically what this dude just described, summed up in the oft-used phrase, “it’s not like I like you or anything.”

Gross… Gross, gross gross! Don’t come near me!

A fair response.



Must be a leak from the opposition party. I read about that on a news blog.
Really!?
See for yourself. Just search for “Okumura Foods” in the archives and you’ll find a lot of articles.



Don’t worry! I cut my losses! If I want to rule the market, I should know when to back out! I’m gonna live as a trader. No, I was born to be a trader!
Huh? Wait, what about your job?
Didn’t I tell you? I quit! We’ll rrrevolutionize ourselves and live like celebrities!

This game has so many pure, wonderful idiots.



But now, the real reason we came to the arcade.




...That’s the King.
Oh, I’ve heard about him. He’s just a little guy, huh? Must still be in grade school… He’s dual-wielding…?

…! No… It can’t be...

*ahem* Sorry, I’m terminally incapable of hearing the words “dual-wielding” and not freaking out after the copious amounts of SAO I’ve consumed.

Yeah, he’s playing two opponents all by himself. And it’s still too easy for him.



GET SMOKED



The King may have some tips on how to defeat the cheater. I should negotiate with him...

Music: Break it Down





Don’t take it personal; I turn everyone down. ...Later.



Annoying, huh…? Oh, you mean that guy who cheats. It really makes me mad when he does that… But I can still beat him, so I don’t really care. Just forget about him.




Ohshit

So, you’re saying you wanna beat the cheater? You seem like a nice guy… but just let it go. The Phantom Thieves are really cool, aren’t they!? Are you a fan, too? Have you ever met them?




Oh god, I just noticed that his jacket says “NOOB” in addition to the “GET SMOKED” cap, this is amazing.



But, um… Teaching you how to play Gun About won’t be easy… And I won’t get anything out of it…



Geez, you’re really persistent. I’m just a grade schooler, y’know. How about this… I wanna get to know the Phantom Thieves.



...It’s probably impossible, but if you can help me do that, then I’ll teach you how to play. Well, whaddaya say? Is it a deal?



It’s a big ask, kid, but I like your moxie. Let’s do this!

...Wait, what? You’re not gonna say no!? Well, if you really want to THAT much, then… I thought for sure you were gonna give up… Wow, I didn’t see this coming. But the Phantom Thieves hide their true identities, right? Are you sure I can get to know them?



Huh? You’re gonna tell them my name? …… My name’s Shinya Oda. Tell the Phantom Thieves my name, and have them post it somewhere only they’d be able to access. That’ll be good enough as an autograph, and proof that they know my name.



We need something credible for this kid to believe us. Didn’t Futaba say she hacked into Gun About’s server or something? Let’s bring this up with her. Might lead us to some good ideas.

Music: Tokyo Emergency



Futaba isn’t actually available to hang out today, but “activating” this stage of the Shinya sidequest “summoned” her. However, we still can’t hang out with her, because the game will make us go back to Shinya instead once we’re done here.

So, did he tell you how to take down that cheater?
He’s going to, on one condition: he wants us to introduce him to the Phantom Thieves. We can’t just give ourselves away though. That’s where you come in. Maybe you could hack into the Gun About server and do something?
But we won’t be able to get in touch with him that way…



A calling card…? What are we going to steal?
Oh, how about the home page? I already hacked into it, so it’s as good as stolen!

After you already used the home page once to send a message to that cheater, you’d think they’d have closed that glaring vulnerability.

Hm, OK. I’ll write a calling card saying that we’re going to steal the Gun About home page. After that, you’ll need to leave evidence that the Phantom Thieves hacked into it. The King will have no choice but to believe it was really us.
Oooh, this sounds like fun. I’ll put our logo smack dab at the top of the front page.
Perfect. We’ll go see the King. Oh, and we’ll let you know before we talk to him, so wait for our word to start the hacking.
All right, you can count on me.



Should we ask Futaba about the hacking?




It’ll be fine! Leave it to me! OK, I’m hacking in now.

Music: What’s Going On?



So, uh… Shinya. Oh sweet, innocent Shinya.

So, Shinya is voiced by Barbara Goodson, probably best known as Laharl from Disgaea (and fucking Rita Repulsa, how could I possibly forget)… and it’s really just a hell of a performance. Here’s the entire event, just so you can hear it, but… click wisely.




Huh? HUH? There’s something written on it… “Thanks for your support. Please help those in need. This is a promise to you from the Phantom Thieves: We’re going to post a secret message, just for you, on the game’s official website.” …… Is… Is this for real? I mean, you can probably just buy one of these cards at the store…

“You were gone for like an hour, dude. I may be twelve but I’m not fuckin’ stupid.”





Just like they did on Medjed’s site! Which means… you were able to contact the real Phantom Thieves! No way! How’d you do it?



That’s so cool… So they want to remain anonymous… Wow, I can’t believe they sent me a message… I wasn’t expecting much from you, Hamiru-san, but you’re actually pretty cool. I wish I was able to talk with them—or something—though… But you fulfilled your part of the deal, so I’ll teach you how to shoot.

Music: Wicked Plan



You should be able to inflict a lot of damage to the cheater this way. ...Let’s get started.



...C’mon, you gotta aim.



...No, no, no. You’re just stopping their movement by doing that.



Are you taking this seriously!? You gotta focus on your second shot!
He’s almost like a different person when he gets mad. His instructions are precise, but also spartan-like...



...No he’s not?

That’s what happens when he teams up with another player. And why everyone also watches him from a distance…

The second line there is delivered really strangely. The actor was clearly going for “sardonic” but it comes out as “rushed to meet non-existent lip flaps.”



I think you’ll be able to beat that cheater now.

Music: Break it Down (Elp Version)



Sorry…

Do you? Because it didn’t happen today!

But I think you have a lot of potential. More than most people! If you want… I can teach you a few other moves too! I have the ultimate trump card. So tell me more about the Phantom Thieves!

What’s this kid gonna want in return though? Are we gonna have to show up in-costume to Shinya’s birthday party?



I’ve made a deal with Shinya...

Music: Interrogation Room




Either you taught yourself… or you had a capable coach by your side… Where did you learn how to handle a gun!?

“I learned it from a child who’s really good at a video game. What’s that look for? I’m telling the truth, cop.”

Music: The Spirit



Yeeeeep, forming a Confidant with this young child, what of it



So, Tower is an interesting arcana, symbolizing destruction, revelation, and sudden change. When reversed, it represents avoidance of disaster and fear of change. It’s probably the most universally “negative” card in the deck.

Down Shot lets us spend all the ammunition in our clip to down a single enemy. This is pretty much only worth it on Treasure Demons and enemies without weaknesses due to the exorbitant ammunition cost, but it’s still handy occasionally. It should also go without saying that it’s fucking worthless on bosses, just like every other interesting part of combat in this game.

Music: Break it Down (Elp Version)




I gotta go. See ya later!
Interacting with Shinya has made my heart grow… I feel like my Kindness has increased...

Maaku gains Kindness +3.

Music: Beneath the Mask




I truly apologize for what has happened in this case.
So formal!



But I’m the newest member. I need to act respectfully.
We don’t really pay mind to those kinds of things. Furthermore, you’re already one of us.
Thank you, Mako-chan.

(pause)

...Do you mean me?
Sorry, I think my fingers typed that subconsciously… I’m just so glad to have found a friend my age.
Not a problem. That personal touch is actually refreshing.
Great. I hope we get to be the bestest of friends, Mako-chan.

(pause)

Uh, sorry ‘bout that. I sorta got carried away…



We have a new message from Mishima, while we’re here.



And if the land speculators aren’t coming by, they can actually start showing movies there again!
That might be a good place to go see a movie! You should invite someone to go with you sometime!



It has become clear that harsh work conditions are the norm at Okumura Foods. Escalating criticism of President Okumura has considerably worsened the company’s public image.
Our target’s Okumura! People will definitely stop bugging us once we actually take him down!




Shady Commodities time!

Music: Dark Net



This site uses text-to-speech for an easy-to-understand shopping experience!




We can only have one package incoming at a time, and the more we spend the more will be available. Simple.

Forget any silly doubts or skepticism you might have, and just sign up now!
This site is incredibly shady… So, are you gonna sign up?



...Is it really OK to use your real name on a site like this?



It’ll be fiiiiiiiiiiine.



Hello, and welcome to Tanaka’s Shady Commodities! Mr. Hamiru, you’ve opened the door to possibilities that normal people can only dream of! Now, you can find all the rate items you could possibly want!



We’re just going to buy literally everything we can: the Nirvana Ring, the Black Rock, the Five-inch Nail, and three Condenser Lenses. The Nirvana Ring gives high resistance to Bless damage. The Black Rock lets us transmute a Persona into an accessory. The Five-inch Nail deals 50 Curse damage to a foe, which is useful if you don’t have that on a Persona yet but not that useful because you can’t buy them in bulk. The Condenser Lenses are just crafting materials.



Good news, Mr. Hamiru! Wh-Why, you’ve already spent over 10,000 yen! Your member rank is now Black! Now you can purchase all of our Black-tier products! Your order will arrive soon. We understand your excitement, but we ask for your patience! We hope to see you again soon!

Fun fact: Tanaka’s is the only portrait in the entire game with no animations. Well, I assume. I didn’t actually check.

Music: Beneath the Mask



Ha… Heh… Hahahahaha!



Me OK? Yer the one talkin’ to a rock… jus’ sittin’… on the shide of the road… But even a rock like me c’n help people! Throw me! Jus’ throw me at th’ evil corporationsh!

All three responses are about the same, which is a bit disappointing coming from our old friend Drunken Souse.



That’s dumb! A phone is way better. If you had one, you could look at the Phantom Thieves fan site!
Oh, that’d be so cool! They have rankings and stuff, right?
Yeah, it’s really popular right now! I’m gonna ask my parents to get me a phone too.



I didn’t go to college to wind up at a company like that.
Anyways, buuuddy, while the Phantom Thieves take care of those assholes… We party, party, party!



Yes, even though many were skeptical of them until recently.
We hate to think, therefore we are easily controlled. Japan is becoming a country of imbeciles.
I guess that means there’s going to be people making a fortune off of them again.



The Phantom Thieves’ll take care of him. Don’t you worry. I hope they do it soon, too.
The fire department back home would’ve come to the rescue right quick.
Aaaaand this conversation’s over.



That’s so messed up! They treat their employees like livestock!
*hiss*
I’m glad my manager doesn’t treat me like that…



Young people seem excited about them too. They’re saying it’s a sign that times are changing. I hope their next target is that hotshot president. That guy’s an enemy to office workers everywhere.
They’ll target the president if they call themselves heroes. They already got my hopes up.



Shut up, you… chunky, hunky… cake of beef!

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother transcribing these fuckers’ dialogue.

Just you watch! I’ll reveal the Phantom Thieves as the monsters they really are!
What are you talking about? When you get angry, you’re more of a monster than they are!



This is important, you idiot. How do you think we get by? They’re a real important sponsor, one we can’t afford to lose, so we gotta take good care of them!




Let’s hang with Sojiro tonight.

Sorry, and thanks. Oh… The regulars’ll be here any minute.

What are you doing, people!? Grab your muskets!

I question whether anyone will understand that joke, but the idea of making a goof no one will get kinda cracks me up anyway, so it’s worth it.

Music: Break it Down



All I want in a relationship is spicy stimulation followed by some smooth, relaxing comfort. And I can get both of those things from my curry and my coffee. That’s enough for me.
He always dodges my questions like that. He’s so clever. By the way, what are your thoughts on So-chan’s life of solitude?




Anyway, the only thing I care about in life is making sure my customers are satisfied.

Also, your teenage daughter. I assume, anyway.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing people relax in here. Come back anytime, OK?



But I guess food service relies on keeping the right distance from people… Not too far, not too close.



Music: Suspicion




Shit, haven’t seen this guy in a while.

Well… I just learned something VERY interesting! Futaba’s been shut off from both school and society this whole time, huh? That’s not good parenting.
Yeah? And what have YOU done to care for her?
You know quite well what I’ve done… and it’s about time you pay up.
Don’t be ridiculous. Futaba had a terrible life living with you… Plus, I already gave you most of the inheritance for custody! Is that still not enough for you!?
We could always find out in court. I wonder who’d win between a blood relative and a mere legal guardian…
You…
Oh, and not to mention that kid you have here! I’ve heard all about him and his criminal record. That leaves us with a “parent” who won’t let her go to school and a delinquent housemate on probation… Doesn’t quite seem to be the best environment for Futaba, now does it?



Y-You have a problem, punk!? I’ll sue you for intimidation!






Futaba-chan! Long time no see!




See what I’m saying? She’s a total wreck. This is clearly not a healthy situation.
She’s only like this because she saw you here!
Hmph, don’t make me repeat myself… You can’t beat me in court, so you may as well just give me the money.
Grrr…
Well, I hope you reach the right decision! Bye now!

“Bye now!”? That’s what he says after threatening to strip Sojiro of custody? Are he and Sae friends or something?



Sojiro...

Later…




That man… is Futaba’s uncle.

Music: Confession/Secret



It’s actually not that surprising. He alluded multiple times to being related to Futaba.

After Wakaba died, Futaba was passed around all her relatives… His place was the last. He treated her like garbage. He never fed her, and forced her to sleep on the floor like an animal. He didn’t even let her bathe… Once I learned that, I knew I had to step in.

My god, this dude is a fucking cartoon supervillain. This is the plot of the unproduced third Rescuers film, isn’t it?

I couldn’t stand for that kind of horrible treatment, so I decided to take Futaba under my care. Even back then, he was whining about all the damn expenses. I threw some cash his way, thinking that would put the issue to bed… but now he’s back for more. I don’t even know how he managed to find me here… Maybe paying him was a mistake.




Either way though, it’s my fault Futaba didn’t leave her room. I just didn’t know how to help her through it… I’d make curry, leave it by her door, and go. If not for you, I’d probably still be waiting for her to come out.



They say blood’s thicker than water, right? I wonder what’d be the best for Futaba…

Not that fucking dude! Holy shit, are you really considering this!?

Haha… Look at me, spilling my heart out to a punk like you. Though… it’s kinda weird. For some reason, I just feel like telling you this stuff. It’s like you’re peering into my heart… Heh, I guess there really is something special about you.
I feel like my bond with Sojiro is growing deeper...



There’s really no reason to be making coffee at this point in the game, especially once you unlock Affinity Reading, so I’ve never made use of Coffee Mastery. From what I hear, though, it upgrades coffee’s SP restoration from 30 to 100. Not bad.



I should be heading home. I’m still worried about Futaba. Don’t stay up too late, you hear? Oh, and… thanks.
I can see the compassion hidden beneath Sojiro’s actions… I feel my Kindness growing…

Maaku gains Kindness +3.