The Let's Play Archive

Persona 5

by Arist

Part 127: 10/3-10/5: The Dumbest Girl In The Universe

Part 119: 10/3-10/5: The Dumbest Girl In The Universe

Music: What’s Going On?

I saw a lot of errors on the previous test, so please be more careful in the future.

Today’s examples will be on your entrance exam, so make sure you know them.

She usually looks so tired…
I talked to her this morning about my future… and she was super polite. Friendly, even.
Yeah, I know what you mean. She even gave me advice about my girlfriend.
Now that she’s back on her feet, Kawakami seems to be working hard as a teacher...

Kawakami’s rested and reinvigorated. Good for her.

Music: So Boring

Stealing hearts? Social reform? Don’t give me this Phantom Thieves nonsense. It’s all so unscientific. I mean, how could they target Big Bang Burger and Okumura Foods? They’re criminals! That artificially consummate flavor… Enough volume to fill a small universe.

I see Mr. Hiruta went to the Code Talker school of burger appreciation.

Are the Phantom Thieves trying to steal the galaxy called junk food from me!? That said… Hamiru-kun. The night sky may be filled with countless galaxies… but in the entire universe, which of these is closest to its density of stars.

Imagining three watermelons in the sun is giving me a right chuckle, I tell you what.

Hehe. I expected as much out of you. Yes. The correct answer is three watermelons in the sun. Three bees in the whole of Europe works too. In other words, the universe is essentially empty. There are countless stars in the sky, but the universe is even more vast than that. Even within our galaxy, the stars are separated by a great distance even though you can see so many.

How bleak. Maaku gains Knowledge +1.

Close, but yet far… Hehe, you could say the same of our hearts.
Ugh, if he only knew the places we’ve been…

Music: Tokyo Daylight

And no rank up.

I’m getting worried about the public’s reaction to all this.

You’re going to train today too, right?

Okaaay… Let’s just play a game then.

Music: Alright (Elp Version)

Sounds like they had another success, huh? That’s cool.

It’s probably because they think I’m weak. If only I was as strong as the Phantom Thieves…

Hah, my bad. I didn’t mean it like that. I just thought we should be friends, since we’re both gamers. The name’s Takekuma. I make a living from gaming, more or less. Ever heard of me?

...Yeah, you’re the guy from all those videos online!

And you’re the one they call the King, right? I’ve always wanted to play you… But I don’t know if it’s a good idea… I mean, if I beat you, your rank will definitely drop. And I don’t need people bashing me for beating a kid.

That’s it! We’re playing! I won’t lose!
As I expected of the King… OK, let’s get this started.

Music: Suspicion

Christ, look at Takekuma. What is that hand supposed to be, a scouter? What a fuckin’ dork.

Also, shout out to this lady, reading her phone over someone else’s shoulder:

And this dude, trying to cop a feel:

The King is getting destroyed…
That’s Takekuma, isn’t it? He’s awesome!

I missed!?

...Th-That doesn’t count! Let’s play again!
You got it.

The King got slaughtered! Ha! That’s hilarious!
One more… One more game!
No matter how many times we play, the end result will be the same. We should probably stop, for your sake.
Shut up! You cheated, didn’t you!?

Cheer on the child throwing a tantrum! This is a good idea!

Man… I guess the King is just a little kid after all… Looks like I overestimated your ability. I’d feel bad beating you again, so I’m going to go. Make sure you practice for the next time we play.

You’ve gotta be kidding me…

Maybe encouraging him in this situation isn’t the greatest plan, but I feel kinda bad. He’s just a kid.

I’m the one who’s gonna win in the end! If I lose, it’s all over for me!

I’m gonna beat him next time for sure. This isn’t over. The strongest always win in the end. Just like the Phantom Thieves… Watch, I’ll win for sure next time! I’m not a loser, you’ll see!
Shinya is more motivated than ever before...

That’s not necessarily a good thing. I may be grooming a young Eric Cartman in the making.

...Crap, it’s late. I gotta go… Man, that Takekuma though! Telling me to practice for next time… A grown-up shouldn’t spend so much time playing video games!

I feel personally attacked.

Interacting with Shinya has made my heart grow… I feel like my Kindness has increased…

Maaku gains Kindness +3.

Oh hey, we maxed out Kindness while we’re at it. Nice.

...Today tired me out. I’ll see ya later…

Music: Beneath the Mask

Hey Sojiro, I hung out with a kid today and he was such a shit that I basically turned into the fucking Buddha incarnate! I can help you with your problem now!

We get the 20 Donut-Worrys. They cure Fear.

...Criminal Affairs, OCD, 5th Organized Crime Countermeasures Section, Special Task Force.
...Oh, so you’re a cop, huh?
The heck? That’s like a tongue twister. Does he have to say all that in every episode?

Music: Crossroads

OK… Sit down.

Music: Suspicion

All my connections who knew where Kayo was are gone, thanks to the chief and my publisher… ...Well, say something.

Well, I guess it is pretty obvious. *sigh* Pulling all these consecutive all-nighters is really wearing me down.
At this rate, you’re going to work yourself to death. You’ve been meeting your quota, right?

The chief really wants me to mess up, but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction. Haha…
He’s like some kinda tyrant.
Tell me about it. It’s a race to see whether I can find Kayo before he crushes me…
That’s not good! Shouldn’t you do something about the chief before you keep chasing Kayo-chan’s case?
There’s nothing I can do about a guy like that. He’s rotten to the core. And despite how he acts, the higher-ups like him. I have no one to go to. It’s over.
Yeah, he didn’t seem like the kind of guy to change his mind… But at this rate, you won’t be able to continue your investigation… What do you think, kid?

I need to do something about the chief and help her...
Ughhh, I’m gonna die…

Why? You gonna try to find his weakness? His name is Shinpei Honjo. I heard that he’s a good husband, and he used to cover economic foreign policy…

Don’t go trying anything heroic.
She’s saying this for your own good. Got it, kid?
I wonder where Kayo is… Sorry, but I don’t feel like getting any info from you today…

Uhh, with your quota as it is, can you really afford not to ask me anything?

Thanks for coming all the way out here though. I’ll see you around…
I need to free Ohya from her chief’s oppressive demands...

Music: Beneath the Mask -Rain (Instrumental Version)

C’mon, they aren’t gonna murder him. Besides, I’m pretty sure the principal killed himself.

Student #2 here is named “Slightly-appalled Guy” and I love it.

No way, that was the Phantom Thieves sending a message! “Wake up, people. It’s time to atone!” Or something like that. I’d kill for that kind of power…

Light Yagami here just openly admitting he wants the power to murder people.

Today, we decide that if Ann’s not going to have an SP Adhesive 3, she can at least have better Fire on the off-chance we use her, so we visit the accessory shop 37 Degrees Celsius in the underground mall.

Do you think you could maybe come with me to see her?

Thank you. It is reassuring to know you’ll be there with me. She’s waiting over at Big Bang Burger. Let’s go.

Well, um… I was wondering if you could maybe lend me some cash.

Music: Suspicion

Ah shit.

It’s nothing real major, but I need it like, right now… I’ll pay you back though, honest! Pleeease!

Makoto and Maaku turn to each other, then look back at Eiko.

...Does this have to do with Tsukasa?
Mm-hm… He dropped a super expensive bottle of sake at work, so the club’s making him pay for it… but he needs help.

Oldest trick in the book.

...He’s lying to you, Eiko. Don’t give him any money.
He’s not lying! I know you’re all weird about the fact that he’s a host, but my Tsukasa’s not like that! He’s really gentle, and honest too… He even calls me “princess”! I’m the only one he says that to, y’know. He says it’s ‘cause I’m special.
So he calls you his special princess… What do you think, Maaku-kun?

Every girl who gives him money is his “princess.” That way he can never get their names mixed up.
Don’t accuse him of that stuff! You don’t have any proof!
...You’re not wrong about that. But did you ask anyone at his club about the broken bottle?
W-Well, um… no… He told me not to talk to them about it though! He’s too proud to have me go crying to his boss.

Man, this girl’s dumb.

...Please, Makoto. You’re the only person I can trust. All my other friends would rather focus on cram school and entrance exams than take time to help me… And who knows what my parents’d say if I tried to ask them… Please. Even a little…
...I think you should end your relationship with him. If you don’t put a stop to this, he might try to drag you into some suspicious line of work.
Oh, he already got me a job. It’s nothing weird though. I’m just serving drinks at a bar to help him pay off that broken bottle. He said I’ll be number one in no time. Maybe I’ll just keep doing it after I graduate high school though. I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna go to college.

Man, this girl’s duuuuuuuuumb.

You can’t just do what he says! He’s trying to deceive you…!
...A smart person like you totally wouldn’t understand what it’s like. You’re just gonna go to a good college, work at a fancy company, and then what? At the end of the day, your life’s gonna be totally boring. I mean, is that seriously how you wanna live?
I… I’m not sure yet. But be that as it may, you should still stay as far away from him as you can.
...So you’re not gonna help me? Ugh, just forget it. I can make it up if I just let some customers take me out on dates after work.

Jesus christ!

Eiko, wait! I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but Tsukasa has been texting me almost constantly. Recently, he’s been asking if my sister and I live alone, and that he’d be glad to help us out. Even today he asked me if I’m still happy with my boyfriend… Listen to me, Eiko: He’s not serious about you.
Don’t gimme that crap! Tsukasa’s just so nice that he’d worry about my friends for me… Wait, you were texting him behind my back? What the hell, Makoto!?
It was mostly him texting me…
Ugh! You have the grades, the looks, a cool boyfriend… and you seriously still want more!?

Thank you for the compliment! I think you’re swell too!

Tsukasa is all I have…! You can’t take him from me!

Yeah right. Just keep your hands off! I’d never forgive him if you stole him away, Makoto…!

You know, I think she’s exactly the kind of girl those gangs in Shinjuku are on the lookout for. Lonely, depressed girls who have nowhere to vent their frustrations…

What is it with this city and its sea of predators lying in wait to victimize women, monetarily or otherwise?

Eiko’s family is quite well off. Her multi-talented younger brother seems to be the sole focus of her parents’ attention though. I’m sure that’s why she fell for Tsukasa in the first place. He treats her like she’s special. But… asking a high schooler for money isn’t normal boyfriend behavior. She needs to realize that. You’re going to help, right?

Eiko’s blessed to have both money and a family… yet she’s still trying to break free from them. She’s almost the exact opposite of me. ...But I guess in a sense, watching her now is almost like looking back at my past self. I was so blinded by my own convictions that I never stopped to consider other alternative viewpoints on the world. But… that’s not the right way to live. I want to show her that, just like you did for me.
I can sense a deep bond of trust from Makoto...

I know she wants me to stay out of her business, but I’d never forgive myself if I let this come to pass. …… What is the right way to live…? ...At any rate, we’re going to catch that horrible host. I’ll let you know once I’ve thought of how to do it. Thank you again for today. I’ll see you later.

Music: Beneath the Mask

Their influence has expanded beyond Japan—even foreign nations know about the Phantom Thieves. Some countries are even taking bets about what the Phantom Thieves will do next.
They even knew about us in Hawaii, right? We’ve really gotten famous.

Finally, Yusuke’s ready. And it only took an extra 15k after we intentionally picked the wrong option!

There’s something I’d like to talk about. The ADP case is more complicated than I thought… *sigh* What am I going to do…?

Music: Suspicion

I’ve been trying to use this as an opportunity to investigate into the ADP’s seminars so I can expose him… But the deeper I dig, the scarier everything becomes.

The ADP apparently doesn’t profit at all from sales of the Holy Stones. It’s nothing more than a front.

Wait, so not only is this organization somehow not managing to profit off of selling hunks of rock salt for 100k a piece, it’s only a side business? Why in the hell are they so insistent about her selling more of these giant pieces of nothing if they don’t tangibly benefit from it in any way?

Most of their revenue actually comes from the seminars.

Self-help’s a lucrative business, man. Why work to improve yourself when you can have someone talk at you until you feel like you’re doing something to improve yourself?

There, they give their patrons some sort of mind-altering drug…

That took a turn! Holy shit!

After which, they’re encouraged to donate their life’s savings to the “benefit of the ADP.” People have gone missing after seminars… Families have been torn apart by this madness…

This is like an unholy amalgamation of five or six different conspiracy theories about cults, many of which have little factual basis but are just kind of fun to think about in a scary way, so they endure. I actually took a class recently on the subject of cults and new religions in general, and while I think the teacher may have been a bit too even-handed on the subject when most of us really just wanted to hear about the gnarly shit like the sick fucks we are, I learned a lot. Brainwashing’s not really a thing, for one, and brainwashing facilitated by mind-altering chemicals is just hilarious nonsense.

I’m pretty sure Scientology is still a scam, though, I don’t care what she said. Speaking of scams, back to Chihaya’s Kooky Kult! (Khihaya? No, that doesn’t work)

And I… I was a part of it all. By selling these fraudulent stones, I was in direct support of their horrible actions.

In what way? It’s still unclear.

I know this doesn’t make up for what I’ve done… but I want to help the others come to their senses. Barely anyone within the ADP will talk to me though, and those who do won’t actually hear me out. What should I do, Hamiru-san…? These people are all heading down a path toward great ruin…

Right. I’ll just have to admit to everything that’s been going on, even if I get dragged down too… That’s… the only way…
It looks like Chihaya’s not sure how to approach this issue… She might do something rash at this rate… I should take care of the chairman before that happens…
I’m the only one who can stop him… right?

Oh, the chairman…? It’s Yuichi Fukurai. Why do you ask…?

I love just picking the most suspicious responses possible. “I can’t tell you because then you’ll be an accessory.”


My future is in line with that of the Trickster… What does that mean…? Even so, my fate remains unchanged. I am destined to stay a monster… Hm…
I need to take care of the chairman for Chihaya…

I’ll have to think on this for a while. Let’s finish for today… Well then, goodbye…

Music: Beneath the Mask (Instrumental Version)

The day Haru’s going to get sent off is almost here… We took the Treasure, so all we have to do is wait. Still, I wish we could do something in the meantime. Why don’t we go to Mementos today?

I don’t waaaaaanna.

You have something else to do? Well, I won’t force you. If the president has a change of heart, maybe our reputation will go up and we’ll get more requests. So I want to get the requests we currently have out of the way at least.

Music: My Homie

...Ahem. Ms. Usami, please come to the faculty office at once.
...What could it be? ...Everyone, make sure to study on your own while I go to the faculty office.

How does it take so long to go to the faculty office?

We’ve unfortunately already maxed Kindness, but we need to finish this book anyway.

Did you want me to call you “Chief” now? I’m just kidding.

No, do it.

Did you learn more about chiefs and their big hearts? Even in the underworld, there’s kindness…

Maaku gains Kindness +3, which is really +4 because it’s one of the longer books.

Music: Tokyo Daylight

And Shinya’s ready.

Hey, you know how I said I was gonna take the world by storm with my modeling? Well, I was thinking of getting in shape first. And who better to help with that than Ryuji, right? He said he’d be glad to train with me. What about you, Maaku? Do you wanna join us?

All right, let’s go work up a sweat! It’s pretty close by. Oh, and I’ll let Ryuji know.

Music: What’s Going On?

Oh shit! A Confidant interaction acknowledged! Perhaps the only time in the entire game that’ll happen!

It’s pretty sweet, huh? Not too many people gettin’ in your way. Anyways, uh… what’re you tryin’ to do here?

Huh. You tried joggin’?
Aerobics alone aren’t enough! I want to tone up too, so I need to start lifting weights. Plus my shoulders are drooping, I wanna make my biceps leaner, and I need to straighten my back out!

Uh, what the hell’s that even supposed to mean…? Anyways, motivation’s good n’ all, but you’re not gonna be able to move tomorrow if you do all that shit.
Then you come up with a training regimen for me.
Ugh, you’re such a pain.

There are many things I find offputting about this pose, but the one that sticks out right now is the way her hand clips through her sweatpants.

Quit thinkin’ you’re some sexy character in an anime. It’s sad watchin’ you like this.

First off, one of them sexy characters’d never come to the gym in their PE uniform.

This failed seduction is one of the best character beats in the entire game, and makes me like both characters way more. It’s a shame the animated cutscene leadtime led to Ryuji just being Horny All The Time in those because it’s way more interesting to see him like this, rejecting her attempts to play him because he knows her too well.

How am I supposed to know that!? I’ve never even been to the gym before today!

Huh…? It fell through? Yeah… Uh, I guess that’s OK… Mm-hm…

It was a black-and-white shoot, so they said I wouldn’t stand out. It sounded like fun though. It was about the everyday life of models…
Guess you just gotta find somewhere you do stand out then.
Huh… There has to be somewhere my vibrant charm will shine, right!?

Uh, where…?

Hey, speakin’ of magazines, there was a real pretty girl in that one you said you were starrin’ in. She’s got this innocent vibe, but she’s sexy too. Now that’s what real charm looks like to me.
...Were there photos of me too?
Uh, yeah.
...And did she have long, brown hair?
Yup, that’s the one! You know her!? You gotta introduce me, dude!


Of all the girls you could have been talking about, it just HAD to be Mika! Urghhhh, I’m so pissed!

Come on, which machine are we using first!? I’m gonna break it!
The three of us trained until we had reached our limits…

But for some reason… I feel… satisfied…
That’s what workin’ hard feels like. Not bad, huh?
Yeah, that was actually… pretty fun. I think it was because the two of you were here with me. I had to prove I was working extra hard.
It’s simple stuff like that that’ll help you keep pushin’.

Dude, cut me some slack!
You thought you were being so cool too…

I actually thought it was pretty cool and don’t know why that option was even there, but far be it from me to ignore an opportunity to dunk on Ryuji.

Mom forgot to buy stuff for dinner, so I guess I gotta head home now. Seeya, guys.

...I’m actually a little jealous of the relationship they have.

I mean even growing up, my parents were super busy. They always told me I was strong, that I’d be fine on my own. I was free… but I was lonely. I’d make friends, but we moved a lot… and every time, I had to start all over again. I actually got used to the loneliness… But all that changed once I met Shiho… The world seemed so hopeful…
I heard her rehab is going well… She’s going to be officially transferring schools soon too… I need to show her that I’m working hard… and that she doesn’t need to worry so much about me.

She needs to see how much I’ve learned from her…!
I can sense a strong resolve from Ann...

Come on, let’s head home. ...I might have trouble moving though. My legs are killing me.

Well, see you later.

Music: Beneath the Mask

Nothing, unfortunately. Father is still indisposed.
How are things with you, Haru? Has anything happened with the media?
I hope they haven’t been horrible to you.
Thank you. They will surely say a great deal about my father, but I am determined to push through it.
Society doesn’t care what may be going on as long as it is enough to kill their perpetual boredom. They don’t even consider how their words may hurt others.
They think caring about people is someone else’s job. It makes me wanna puke.

Man, the people we’re doing this all for sure are shitheads!

There’s nothing we can do about that though. And… everything they say about Father is true.
But it’s important to remember there was someone else in the shadows behind the shutdowns.

Yeah. It’s gonna be a hella good victory when we expose that criminal for who he really is.
We’ll have plenty of time to ask him about it then.
The one behind the mental shutdowns… It has to be someone dangerous. Now that we’re getting closer to the truth, we need to be ready for absolutely anything.

The popularity of phantom thieves is as strong as ever. More people are becoming fans every day. Some, however, might be going too far with comments like, “I want them to destroy all evildoers.”
I’m glad that we have fans, but not if they’re genuine fanatics.

Music: Time to Repent

And so… Oh, do you have some time? ...I’m feeling a bit anxious.

Thank you… ...After I confessed, I was scorned by the media. I bet everyone wants me to lose. However, I’m not going to give them the satisfaction. I’m going to win… with these very hands.

I will! Well, it’s time. I have to go to the venue. You won’t be able to go inside the match room, but you can watch over the internet, if you’d like. Well then, I’m off.

Music: Alleycat

The men at the table in the background, a journalist and his editor, discuss the match.

She’s getting pushed back quite a bit. It’s only a matter of time now…
Hifumi is biting her lip. She doesn’t seem to be doing so well...

There’s a large commotion throughout the room.

Perhaps her skills ARE of genuine article?
Oh, no, that’s not good. The next move will surely result in checkmate.
Hifumi looks troubled as she’s being pushed around the board… She hasn’t made a move…
I’m thinking “Phony Princess, Real Defeat” as the headline for our next article.

It was as if an ant had challenged an elephant. A shogi player should know her limits.

I was so ashamed of myself. I didn’t want to hurt the pieces any longer…

One must lose with grace… With dignity until the very end, as a queen should… But I confess I am confused… I mean, naturally I am disappointed that I lost… ...But I still feel happy… as if a demon has been purged from me. The moment I realized that victory was impossible… I felt a strange peace. What’s important is what I do from this point on… I played so disgracefully in front of you… Perhaps you can just view it as an example of what not to do… ...And understand that there are times which require one to forfeit with valor and grace.
I feel Hifumi’s trust in me…

Touryou lets us instantly escape any normal battle. We already had the ability from an earlier skill of Hifumi’s to escape from ambushes instantly, but this extends that to everything. It’s useful even if you’ll pretty much never run from a fight, especially at this late stage of the game.

Um, I’ve been thinking about this for a while… Let’s make today your last lesson…


Spending time with me has only brought you pain…
Hifumi is thinking hard...

This message appears when we arrive at a crucial dialogue option. I’m sure you all know what I mean by “crucial”: girlfriend time. During each Rank 9 Confidant event with a romanceable Confidant, we may get this popup, meaning we have to pick the right option or set of options to start dating that girl. We didn’t see it with Kawakami last update because I decided not to even entertain that option and picked a choice that bypassed the process entirely. Also, yes, Kawakami was dateable, fuck me.

...So this is goodbye.

...Shame we won’t be picking her romance option. Part of me wishes Hifumi had actually won, but it seems it was not to be.

The things you say sometimes… Perhaps I should take a lesson from that ambitious nature of yours…

There may be things I can learn from you as well. I suppose this is a friendly rivalry for both of us… as irreplaceable shogi friends. Well then, let’s go home…