The Let's Play Archive

Planet Alcatraz

by bhlaab

Part 8: Heart of Darkness


Using his Stealth tactics, Boar stumbles upon a pack of wild dogs protecting their latest kill.

Starvation and primal bloodlust have awoken inside of Boar. He strikes.

Oh. Appears the carcass they were protecting was another escapee. Just another reminder of Boar's potential fate out here in the badlands.

Still, it's an opportunity to scavange and put on some tattered rags with fewer... memories...

Though plenty of bloodstains. Oh well, they aren't Toots' they're just some guy's.

The gates of Northen City open before Boar just to the north.
Hey, that makes sense. Maybe if he had gone north to begin with he wouldn't have had to eat that rat.

Freedom at last. Or, slightly more freedom than before. The whole planet is still a prison, mind.

Boar could not be more relieved to see civilization.

"Nice try, Ace I said. Shut him RIGHT up."

And then Lazarus just fucks right off.

So far nobody has even taken the slightest bit of interest in Boar's SMG so maybe that was a rare example of social perception.

This appears to be the poor area of town. You can always tell you're in the projects when you see shoes hanging from the electrical wires. Northern City has something like that, too.

The pile of shoes presumably belong to this man.

He wants his pants back. Sure, fine.

Along the way Boar hears some catcalls from the locals.

"Oh yeah," he remembers, "I did strip myself naked and slaughter wildlife in a primeval haze."

Still, he can't bring himself to see any of the clothing associated with poor Toot. Besides, being dressed like a fugitive can't be a good thing.

Once he's certain nobody's looking he does a little bit of five finger browsing through some unlucky person's chests.


Yes, that's a chinese ricepicking hat, wooden chinese shoes, a tube top, and a whip.

Boar wonders what his alias will be from now on. "How about Janet Clydesdale?"
No, no. It should probably sound Chinese.

My name is Margaret Cho and I believe you are harboring a trousers thief!

Unfortunately Hunchback, leader of the Hunchback gang in this part of town, does not like Ms. Cho's outfit.

Choices & Consequences

To Boar's credit, this is actually true.

This guy really wants to steal Boar's manpanties. I don't blame him, they're très European.

Too bad Boar is having none of it. I mean really too bad because Hunchback's gang is a ten man army and they all desperately want Boar to take his dick out.

Even taking out their leader does nothing to abate their cocklust.

They even begin a strange cult like chant in unison.

One of us, one of us...

However it all works out for the best. Boar even finds a fresh pair of oddly feminine and tight cargo pants on the body of this man he decapitated.

I didn't know you could decapitate dudes in this game but guess what you can.

And the rumors were true! The one who stole the trousers was hiding in Hunchback's shed all along!

Obviously, like everything else on this planet, it comes down to a fight.

Hope those pants were worth dying over, buddy.

Hey, wait a second...

God DAMN, girl!

However, before he can get his bellybutton pierced, Boar's sense of honor burbles up his esophagus and he returns to Honduras.

Observe with amusement. That's your reward for completing this quest, by the way, Boar. So you had better fucking be amused.

With business finished in the slums, Boar heads into the city proper.

It's guarded, but contrary to Lazarus' warnings Boar recieves no hassle. Guess it was all a con, then.

Ahh, real civilization at last.

Feeling that urban sense of hustle and bustle provokes Boar to do a little window shopping at the Macy's Dept. Store. He comes out with a whole new look!

Winter coat? check. Winter hat? check. Shoes? Ahh, don't need em.

If the day's events have imparted anything upon Boar it is a love for fashion! Well, okay, that and dehumanizing violent excess in the wilderness. Toot who?
Here's a gent going for that whole 1992-Seattle look.

But is he as aloof and nihilistic as his effortless flannel suggests?

For shame! Boar does NOT advocate-- just kidding, he totally accepted the quest.
Hope that payment of 10,000 coins goes off without a hitch and this isn't an elaborate trap of some sort.

Outside of Frankie's house is something Boar hasn't seen in a while.

A woman! A real one, not the pretend-Amamba kind. And she's walking around in her panties. This is the kind of broad Boar can relate to!

Unfortunately, like for so many intellectual men, it's all ruined once she opens her yap.

Yawn. Oh really? Oh that's interesting. It's so interesting that we're talking about YOU and how YOU feel again.

Before long it gets even worse. Boar starts to notice those aggrivating habits and mannerisms that drive him crazy such as her insistence on pulling invisible food out of her vagina and pretending to eat it.

A whirlwind romance alright. Whirling right down the toilet! Okay that's whirlwater but still.

Something troubling that I feel I should mention is that Boar is steadily running out of precious food items to heal himself with. He had to eat most of his corn, bread, some potatoes, and a few carrots during that row with the Hunchback Gang.
On the other hand, he has been hoarding a ton of one healing item without even partaking once.

Here goes nothing. What could this side effect possibly be?

Boar? BOAR! Oh no. No no no. Boar, you're acting nonsense and you're talking nonsense.

There's not even any music pla-- wait, Boar?? Where'd he go? Boar???