The Let's Play Archive

Planet Alcatraz

by bhlaab

Part 11: A Pound of Gerbil Flesh

ALCATRAZ -- NOV 15 2507

Boar was told he could make some cash by giving up some details about the Industrial Zone he was held prisoner at for so long to some guy at the local bar.

Looking inconspicuous.

"Do you want some cherries?" "Yes" aren't exactly the best codephrases. I think a lot of people could guess the appropriate response.

Boar proceeds to be blindfolded and led to the secret location.

Not pictured: blindfold

Note the GPS radar in the top right corner. The secret location is behind the bar they met at. The Cold War this ain't.

Niamba has plenty of questions for Boar. Having no love for the Industrial Zone he answers them honestly. Unfortunately most of the answers are "I don't know"

Gee, thanks?

Easiest money he ever made. Well, unless you count the hellish experiences he had to endure that marked the trail of events up to this point.

Now it's time to embark on Blacky's imperative mission assignment: Bring him 21 gerbil skins. This is roleplaying.

I didn't take many screenshots of this adventure, but for the whole story please mail thirteen US dollars to Notch.

After taking care of that business, Boar stumbles upon a man in the wilderness.

Well this sounds like a job for

...a price!

You know you look how I feel right now?

It's been a while since Boar has had a partner. Every gerbil he's skinned today has just been another reminder of the Hamster he left behind...

Boar alone is a force to be reckoned with, Boar with a buddy is--


The world will know the name of Rogue #37 and they will sing it from the rooftops!

The Rogue Chief is inside of the windmill of course (see TV Tropes: "The Windmill Rogue")

He's tough but Boar outfitted Elk with some armor and healing potatoes so it turned out okay.

Boar tries in vain to get another human being to do the hand-trick with him, it's been ages since he's seen a vagina.

"Nice outfit. Where'd you get it, me?"

A g-g-graveyard, Shaggy?

Mmhmm. Yep! What a couplea of nice guys.

A dreaded sunny day so I meet you at the cemetery gates.

Rogue and Rogue are on your side
while Rogue is on mine.

Hey, it's Elk! And he's still wearing that armor I gave h--

Oh, dang it!

Probably the same guy who left a trail of bodies with sledgehammer imprints on them.

Either Boar is playing cool here or he's much stupider than previously thought.

Elk uses his biting wit to show Boar who is boss.

Boar does the same.

Ask him where he got the armor! Ask him!

It gets taken care of, naturally, and Boar goes to claim his spoils.

Gerbil skins. Great.

On his way back to base Boar stops off at the lovely Mambosa Village, home of drug dealer archetypes.

And pickled dick trees.

But! I'm not! I... how did he know???

Speaking of dressed in women's clothing, here is a woman being just that.

Boar feels compelled to introduce himself to this nubian princess.

Wow, she doesn't have hair anymore when you talk to her. Th... that's cool, I guess.

Anyway, she'll do "anything" if Boar rescues her boyfriend from a slave camp, payable at delivery. I'm sure that promise will be honored.

But! I'm not! I... how did he know???

They just tell you to get out of their house. That's sensible.

Oh no, this is one of those Weed Gangs Boar's been hearing about on the news...

This isn't funny.

Tut tut! I am NOT laughing.

Boar tries to come up with something clever, but is distracted by the man goatse-ing him irl

Plus they are more clever anyway.

And the guy who owns the place throws a grenade into the middle of the lot. Why did he need Boar's help with this again?

Uh oh, this isn't looking good...

Aaa, Ganja Salesman, you're alright! And no, Boar isn't going to give you back your things.

So with the Gerbil pelts in tow, Boar heads back to his boss' office reeking of marijuana and graveyard. The perfect combination.

If you think that revealing my arduous quest was about underpants all along will humiliate me at this point you are sorely mistaken.

Boar can't tell if that was a bad joke or an eerie revalation.

Boar likes to name his missions after Rocky and Bullwinkle episodes.

I'm at a loss.

Looting a nearby chest, Boar squeals. "This gown would go PERFECT with my balaclava!"

Unfortunately the time for clothes without armor ratings has passed.