The Let's Play Archive

Planet Alcatraz

by bhlaab

Part 12: Make Some Friends, Lose Others

ALCATRAZ -- NOV 15 2507

In case you forgot, last time Boar put on a ski mask and went to kill some guy named Li Ho! I don't know why either!

OK, we're through the henchmen. Time to go hot.

Breaching formation six three niner. Ash you take six.
Copy that.
Breach on my mark in three... two... one...

Samurai Sword! Samurai Sword! Pull out!

Ash is down!
I thought you were Ash!
I'm Oakbreaker. I just went with it before because I didn't want you to feel racially awkward.
Oh. Thank you, you know how much I hate that. Now let's kill this Chinaman!
Copy that.

It takes some doing and a whole hell of a lot of potatoes, but Li Ho goes down and the XP flows like so much milk and honey.

Even Ash levels up! Way to go, Ash!

Boar helps himself to the samurai sword, as well as all of his partners' equipment.

10-35 damage. I know you as a reader don't have a frame of reference to put that in, but it explains pretty decently how Ash was torn apart in one hit.

They say it takes a skilled photographer to capture someone's inner essence.

Aren't citations usually a bad thing?

Suddenly, a hat.
Isn't 'serving the Empire' usually a bad thing?

Where are these hats coming from?

If you give Boar a new hat he gets so excited it usually takes a couple minutes for the things he says to start making sense again.

In fact it almost doesn't register to him that he's about to make contact with another member of Vampire Squad! And it only took how many updates? two... ...OH GOD

It's Sullen! It's both his name and probably what he is since he is a naked dude in a cage in the desert.

Well ain't that a bitch. Theoretically Boar could just shoot Mirza and take the key to Sullen's cage. And theoretically the town guards could throw a lot of grenades at Boar and Sullen.
Perhaps it's best to play ball for now.

Now, where can one find a slave to trade in? Wait! Boar has an idea, the slave market! He was just there earlier today!

Abu knows how to play salesman with his "you can't afford it" shtick. Now Boar has to buy a slave just to prove Abu wrong.

Now time for Boar to take this slave over and trade him in.

You know what happens to dudes in a badass wasteland do to people who bust a deal? Nothing, because the town guards still have a lot of grenades.

Well. This sucks.


Uh, Sid, is it?

I guess it's, uh, you and me now, "Sid"

Well this looks like the place Mirza was talking about.

Boar will find his Bounty here.

Oh, wow. Hell of a place.

This seems like as good as any place to point out what I've been playing when I wanted a break from playing Planet Alcatraz.

Okay, Sid, I'm going in to talk to the guy who runs this place. You stay put and don't touch anything, got it?

Boar, don't you know Chris Rock said there's No Slave Purchases in the Champaign Room?

Okay so maybe you don't have a frame of reference for the value of 1 point of damage, but now you know 1 Woman = 1 Flashlight

For some reason Boar's fetch quest instincts send him towards the Quest Marker

But the marker points at nothing!

Boar will have to scour the entire immediate area until he finds--

Oh okay.

Wait. Something doesn't seem right.

Everything cool out there, Sid?


Wow, that's a lot of red dots on that radar in the top right there...

Shit shit shit... FUCK YOU I don't want your god damn blood jacket!!

Thankfully the villainous bums are polite enough to only enter the house one at a time.


Pile of bums.

Okay so Boar has been critically injured and his only friend Sid is dead, but at least the flashlight has been apprehended.

Oh hey, Sid's back! How you been, Sid? How is Ash dealing with those 16 extra points of Melee skill?

Jesus, do all your bitches come with an instruction manual?

Sid, this is Bounty. Bounty, this is Sid.

Sid, Bounty, this is Mirza.

Goodbye Bounty. Goodbye Sid.
The 700 Boar spent on Sid paid off big time. Slaves are a seller's market right now on Alcatraz.

But now Sullen is free and the first step towards the re-assembly of Vampire Squad is completed.

Sullen gives Boar a lot of quest threads to check out. But top priority is certainly to get Sullen some gear.

This episode is full of baby steps.