The Let's Play Archive

Planet Alcatraz

by bhlaab

Part 13: Tactical Stealth Action

ALCATRAZ -- NOV 21 2507

So who is this "Sullen" person Boar has apparently known for years?

Seems he's a master tactitian Scout who sees in the dark. I will be using him as a thief because up until writing this exactly right now I thought his Thieving skill was a lot higher.

Now for comparison's sake, here's Boar's character shee-

Oh, that's not good at all is it?

Yes, this game has targeted shots and crippling effects like in the Fallout series. These shots are applicable to both ranged and melee weapons and are done by holding a requisite number pad key, like so:

A quick trip to the nearby market allows Sullen to gear up.

Why does everyone keep asking that?

Here's the trick to telling them apart: Sullen has the brown studded leather vest, and Boar has the greenish-brown studded leather vest.

Onward, to adventures unknown!

Vampire Squad heads to the exact spot on the peninsula that they figure they can find a Human-related encounter.

Robber and Robber have some choice words. They are clearly going to be important NPCs for the rest of the game.

From films and television I always figured that criminals solved arguments more violently than this.

Pan out to reveal Boar was standing 10 feet away just staring at them the entire time.

That's a good question.

Shotuing "Get ready to feel the pain!" while doing a handjob motion isn't the best way to make people think you're tough, Boar.

Say, where is Sullen throughout all of this?

Oh yeah, he's staying back, making use of his stealth skills. While Boar diverts attention, Sullen will snake-crawl up from behind and pounce.

The Jorts Bandit shatters a beer bottle across Sullen's back and and then proceeds to stomp on his face. But through it all Sullen makes not a peep. Stealth skills, people.

A friend in need is a friend who didn't choose to specialize.

Up ahead, Sullen spots another chance.

Okay, okay. I'll sneak up to the guy in the Freddy Mercury tank top, get a nice backstab crit, then you run in firing. You got me?
The guy in the blue shirt has totally seen us.
What? What the fuck!

What's worse is that he socks Sullen in the jaw so hard an explosion happens.

Okay, while Boar is taking care of the group, I'm going to sneak around and take out that rifleman.

Oh son of a BITCH!

Pssst! Sullen! He totally sees you!
Fuck it, I'm going to stab him anyway.
Pssst! Sullen! He sees you and he's stabbing you!

The sneak attack is finally a success! Despite the man he's attacking openly fighting back, his friends stand by idly chit-chatting as he and Sullen have a tussle.

Okay, this backstabbing thing is not going well. But I have a plan!

I'll sneak up on the group of guys ahead and throw this grenade right in the middle of all of em!

Okay, okay! Forget the sneaking part! I'll just throw it into the cluster!

Unfortunately Sullen is unable to throw the grenade through the man standing directly in front of him.

Pssst! Sullen! You're really bad at things!

Not true, Boar.

Sullen is fantastic at standing still while a dozen men stab him and punch him in the testicles. This allows Boar to shimmy up behind and blow their heads literally off with his shotgun.

Hey, a surgery kit! This will allow me to fix my broken left hand and cracked ribs! I had a broken left hand and cracked ribs while I killed all of those guys you couldn't even sneak up on, Sullen.
I remember.

With the robbers out of the way, it's time for Boar and Sullen to venture to the slave trader den to take out the trash.

You know, all those bad guys who take advantage of the slave trade.

Who let him out of the cage to begin with?

Has asking politely to be let go ever worked for a slave?


That's it! Time to kick this slave in the dick!
Fortunately, Nuf Nuf has cleverly removed all of the nerve endings from his dick beforehand in preparation for just such a scenario.

Once again, pan out to reveal that Boar has been creepily staring at them the entire time.

Jackal realizes far too late that he's probably not fit for a battle given that all of his fingers are broken in twelve places.

For some reason Sullen starts all the way over there. Which is great because Boar is the ranged fighter and Sullen is the melee fighter.

Hold your praise for when a thing actually happens, please.

There's something vaguely creepy about all of this, but Boar can't quite put his finger on it.

Has anyone ever told you you're very... hairless?

That's good advice, as before long a patrol heads their way.

Okay. Here's what we do. I hide here, you run to the other side of the clearing. Then when they pass by me I can get the jump on them from behind and you can cut them off from the front.
Cool beans, bro. Let me know how it works out.

How did it work out?
They ran directly at me and started pummeling me.
Cool beans, bro!

This is about as 'saved' as Boar and Sullen managed to get him. Still, he seems happy about it.

Before long, Vampire Squad inevitably runs afoul of the leader of the slavers.

"Hey Zeb, looks like Spider's caught himself a couple of flies"

And after his defeat, there was much rejoicing.

I mean there was much rejoicing.

Seeing a bodywaxed black man in a blue speedo do the twist around a campfire was all the thanks necessary.

With a few missions on the world map completed, Vampire Squad consider it time to start checking out the bad side of town-- the Ungan district.

This is kind of where Boar put on a ski mask and went on a rampage before.

Yes. Careful.

Oakbreaker! What a great name! Where did Boar think of it!

Oakbreaker lays it all on the line: A wizard has stolen his name and needs it back. All Vampire Squad needs to do is break into the biggest house in town and slaughter the militarized cult that surrounds the wizard.

Easy peasy.


Boy is it your lucky day!

Actually, it's Boar's. On that man's corpse was a cool khaki shirt.

And a bolt action rifle! Doesn't hit quite as hard as his Mad Max sawed-off, but Sullen's tactical genius is already swimming with applicable ideas for a sniper.

These are all different rooms, I swear.

Aw, who says you're sub-magicians? You're sur-magicians in my book!
Note: they do not use magic.

Okay, the wizard should be in the next room. Here's the plan--
How about I shoot his head with my shotgun?
*sigh* Fine.


Hmm.. Nope. No Names in this inventory. Maybe... maybe that guy who sent us here was crazy??

After Boar's question an awkward silence fills the city streets.

A silence that is soon broken.

Hey, it's Ivar!

Remember him? (no) The husband of Kirpikly (no) from Mombasa Village (no)??

~~~~~~A Few Updates Ago...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Well he doesn't look enslaved...

Uh oh.

Boar is a good person.

Okay let's get this done.
Wait! Boar! A magical girl is watching.
So? We'll clean up witnesses.
You didn't say anything about no animes, man! I... I can't go through with this!

They decide to hear Kirpikly out first, earning +5 paragon points for doing so.

What a hot mess. Speaking of hot messes, Boar wonders if he'll ever be able to find those speedo men again.

Boar and Sullen decide to confront Ivar about the matter.

Actually Sullen confronts, Boar flanks.

Okay. Umm... umm...


To be Continued...