The Let's Play Archive

Pokemon Vietnamese Crystal

by Epee Em

Part 2: Now you become one of them.

Wusiji claims we have the Diathesis to become Elf Champion, since his alternate personality Oujide saw our potential. Uh... posted:

— n , pl -ses
a hereditary or acquired susceptibility of the body to one or more diseases


Terry and Wusiji's lab aide engage in vigorous gay sex as a fond farewell. Terry knows he won't see his lover for a long time to come.

Someone said that the garbled tileset gets hard on the eyes after a while, but honestly, with the game's text as fucked up as it is, it just feels more right than the alternative.

Before starting his Elf Journey, Terry has a last helping of his impaired mother's volcano bakemeat. It's like meatloaf and volcano chocolate cake mixed together.

The hallucinogenic effects of the volcano bakemeat result in Terry's mind drifting off to a happier life where he lives in a stable household that comes complete with a clean pool. He and his mother live peacefully together there. Poor Terry, no wonder he loves the volcano bakemeat so much, it lets him forget about the shattered reality he lives in.

The closest Terry's mother can come to wishing him well. Tears fill Terry's eyes as he abandons his disabled mother in shame. He resolves to send her a portion of the money he makes on his travels to soothe his conscience.

Terry's neighbors make as much sense as they ever did.

Can't believe I forgot to mention this last update, but Terry shouts "GO AWAY" whenever he sends out an Elf. Our depressed protagonist isn't sure whether or not he truly wants others to suffer his presence, even if he's their Coach.

That's not a Camel. That's not words!

It's no substitute for Volcano Bakemeat, but Terry's drug habit will be his crutch during his journey.

Ah, there we go, a Sicib. Let me explain the team I intend Terry to have now. Everyone (except Torgo) will have Explosion. The name "Terry" is a pun on Terrorist. I've run "Team Jihad" in other Elf games before, and it just breaks the game's difficulty curve hilariously.

Not even the game itself has any idea what to say about this.

Sicib becomes Cfour, the first official member of Team Jihad, because Torgo will be around for support while not actually exploding.

Terry's world is plagued by the evil organization Missile Bomb, who use Elfs to do evil deeds!

We arrive at the next city who's garbled name I forget already. First stop is the Elf Center, followed by the Shshop tower.

Shshop tower is run by a group of Buddhists who preach the Dharma while sending sentient weeds out to fight.

The tower is also dedicated to the founding of the country.

Surprisingly, the monks have nothing but good things to say about Presbyterians. You'd think that a competing faith wouldn't be so tolerated, but that's Buddhists for you. They're real bros.

Torgo learns the Bind attack, which shoots little embers of fire. Completely decimates the Madaqs that all the monks use.

Porno has some standards when it comes to his work, he's only into the strong types.

A 'Tache, huh? The head monk has a hobby documenting various styles of facial hair. He's a bit disappointed that the visitors he's had are too young to grow any. Terry is challenged to an Elf battle!

Torgo envolves into Madam, taking up a penchant for dressing all ladylike. Dammit, Porno's been having a bad influence, hasn't he? Young Elfs are very impressionable!

The head monk claims that the Elf Gymnasium nearby won't give us a badge. Terry's going to prove him wrong!

Terry takes a detour north of town to find that an odd tree is blocking the road. This guy is pissed. Not wanting to be caught up in the tantrum, Terry heads back to the town.

Entering the local Elf Gymnasium after leveling Cfour up a bit, Cfour's learned the Volt move, which triggers a rock slide. Due to how the elemental system works, rock-type moves are very strong against birds, so Cfour will easily curbstomp the whole place.

Our enemy bird is a FIGHTAAAAH!

Time to take on the head Coach of the Gymnasium!

The Lap here is annoying, because it just spams a move that lowers Cfour's Sdefence, which controls how often moves actually work.

Cfour takes a pillory against the Pige, allowing Torgo to take over to share the experience.

Oh, that's what his name is, Heyaduo. We got the Wing Badge! One down, seven to go.

Terry's taken by Wusiji's aide, Heyaduo, exposing yourself isn't going to seduce him.

Heyaduo apologizes for that by giving as a Skil, which is an item that can be used to teach an Elf a specific move. It only works once, though. This one is the attack that the Lap kept using. It lowers Sdefence by turning an Elf's organs into mud.

Terry's first Gymnasium victory is greeted with the wonderful news that he'll be able to see his beloved Aide again, who is dropping the egg off from Wusiji.

The 3C- is in our care now. It's like Terry and Aide's forbidden lovechild.

Terry celebrates the occasion by going on a brief tour of the nearby ruins outside of town. The Libya Relic is a fascinating place of architecture and tile-sliding puzzles, but really nothing worth writing home about.

Terry runs into a sadomasochistic gilr scout and sends Cfour out to train by beating her up repeatedly. Cfour gets experience, she gets sexual gratification, everybody wins.

A fat man propositions Terry. Damn, Terry must be quite a handsome young man if everybody hits on him like this.

The man can offer all the money he wants, Terry has standards, dammit! No fatties!

Terry is...troubled by this ominous statement. Now away from home, will he give in to the insanity of the world around him, and become just like them?

Onwards to the cave that connects to the next bastion of civilization.

Cfour learns the powerful Anger attack, which creates a powerful tremor with varying attack power depending on luck.

Wait, what? Anger, seriously? And it causes an earthquake? That tears it, playing this game was my destiny. I am the chosen one.

Terry finds another Skil machine. Let's pop open the inventory and see what we've got so far.

Belly is the one we earned at the Gymnasium, while the head monk gave us the Clamp machine, which lights up dark places. Majus is apparently a bullet hell attack.

Oh, alright, what the fuck is a greasy?

I picked up a Sofsand somewhere along the line, it lets Terry recover from his hallucinogenic hazes when he hits his stash a little too hard.

Okay, so a Greasy raises the Defence stat. That's all for the cave.