Part 3: Story Time With Keith Part One: The Adventure BeginsSettle down, boys. Settle down. It's story time. I know you've all been waiting to hear about this. So, Bonds gets in to work that day, and everything's going well. But guess what. Disaster is on the way!
He decides to take a walk.
A really long walk.
Here comes a car doing twenty past the speed limit...
Smashes right into him!
Guy was in traction for a month. True story.
Don't be absurd.
Come on, it's the God's honest!
Could you maybe tell us what really happened?
Well, I guess I could tell you what happened after he got out of the hospital.
So he gets to work and goes to open the door.
But he forgot his keys, the goon!
So he goes back to his car to get them.
This is your big disaster story? This is what you got us all here in the Blue Room to tell us about? The Day Sonny Bonds Left His Keys in the Car?
Anyway, I don't buy it. Bonds doesn't blow his nose without filling out six kleenex requisition forms in triplicate. He'll forget his keys the day you volunteer for extra shifts.
Hey, who's telling this story, anyway?
Good question. Just stick to what actually happened, alright, Keith?
Look, nobody knows what actually happened better than me.
So Bonds finally gets in and heads to the locker room.
Then he stops to hit the head.
Then goes to wash his hands like the good boy scout he is.
What the hell.
You said you wanted the whole story!
No, we said we wanted the true story. You don't need to tell us about every time he stopped for a whiz.
Alright, alright. So he gets his gun and decides to go fix up the sight.
Now THAT I believe.
He blows right by the officer in charge of the shooting range like a freaking cowboy and heads straight in.
He just couldn't wait. You all know how much Sonny loves his gun.
Yes, we do. Which is why we don't believe this at all.
Whoops! Guess he forgot his ammo in the locker.
I didn't buy it with the keys and I'm not buying it now.
One trip to his locker later, he's locked and loaded and ready for action.
Do... do you guys actually talk like that?
You've been awful quiet tonight, Gelepsi.
Shhh. I can't hear the bull.
So he's blasting away at a target and his ears start hurting. But does he stop? Noooooo. Mr. Bonds thinks he knows better than everybody.
Next thing you know? Burst eardrum.
Keith, I worked a scene with Bonds two weeks ago. His hearing is fine.
Don't stop him now. It's just getting good.
He's crazed from the pain and he just has to lash out!
But he used up all his ammo shooting at the target! So he goes back to his locker for more.
Of course, he had to put the gun away to get the locker open, and he can't have that, so he takes it back out again.
Why are we listening to this again?
We're drunk and bored and drunk. Also, they cancelled Magnum PI, Sledge Hammer, and Punky Brewster.
He decides to take his anger out on Ken. Why didn't he make me wear ear protection? WHYY?!
Of course, he's too stunned to move.
You are so full of crap.
Every word of it true. So who has the next round?