Part 8: Regret

Part 8: Regret


It’s about time that we moseyed down north for a bit of grinding. Mom’s Level 8, so it would be prudent to grind her up to speed.

Oh, wait, she’s a companion? I’m slow.


Problem is, most enemies in the Magicant area can violently leave our party into tiny, bloody chunks. In hindsight, I suppose it would be easier to grind for levels in Corrupted Onett...but it’s faster this way.


Desire Dog is one of the more annoying enemies in the Magicant Area. Sporting a high evasion rate and HP, you’d have more luck trying to dig through concrete than hitting this jerkass. On top of that, its attacks mainly consist of spraying you with boogers and draining your HP. So even if you somehow backhand the sucker, it’ll probably recover a quarter of its HP next turn, making it that harder to kill.


On top of that, the Desire Dog can Tail Whip someone for 40-50 damage. If we came here later like we were supposed to, Scooby Doo here would’ve been a piece of cake to slam and jam...But not at this juncture.

That and he may scratch up your furniture. A heinous deed for a heinous fiend.


So how do we deal with the One Hundred and One Dalmations? The solution is simple: have Mom roast ‘em with Flame Alpha (PSI Fire Alpha). One bonfire later and dog is ready to be served as an appetizer.

Your Asian is showing.


Magic is how you deal with most enemies in the Magicant area. The only thing you really need to concern yourself with is keeping the party’s HP up. Other than that, the rest of the area is a breeze.

Huh, using MAGIC in an area called MAGICant. Who would've guessed.

And so Jerry Toraernos murdered Scooby-Doo and the Cthulhu Fanclub for shits, giggles, and profit.


The Hair Gel gets tossed to Paula, since she needs it more than Jerry at this point. Equipping it increases her defense by 4, bringing the total up to a measly 16.

Paula now:



: "Who are you? Aren’t you me?”
: “Do I look like a twelve-year old boy to you? I don’t think I look like a twelve-year old boy to me.”
: "I agree. You are more of the type to hurt someone and get boozed up every Friday night.”
: “...”
: “...Was that a compliment, or…?”
: “I am only stating my opinion.”


: “...Creepy kid.”
: "I know, right? Back when we traveled together, he didn’t utter a single word. All he did was make these squeaky noises and stare off in the distance.”

He’s a mouse. Gasp.


Magicant Road is a straight path to a dead end. However, there are a few items that are worth picking up.


The Cloak of kings is a piece of equipment for Jerry and OP. Considering that the cloak has two more points of defense than the Leather armor, it’s clear that Jerry will opt for his best Batman cosplay rather than practical safety.

He’s the hero Magicant deserves but not the one it needs.


Trick-or-Treat kid is probably the least threatening enemy in the area. I’d call it an act of karma due to the sheer amount of Halloween children we’ve hurt, but it won’t matter since the thing is about to get its face caved in.

Earthbound OST - Battle Against a Weak Opponent


Apparently, the Trick-or-Treat kid demorphed into a pumpkin-like abomination. Meet the Ghostkin. It can shoot bile and pumpkin seeds at someone. You can tell it to go gently caress off with a pointy sword.

He just wants a hug, though.


The pizza won’t be brought out until endgame. I can guarantee that at least.


On the way back, I grab the last box. Like the Cloak of kings, the sword is for Jerry and OP. Unlike the cloak however, the Sword of kings deals less damage than the Rapier, so it gets left in Mom’s inventory until OP can join the gang.

Original Poster?

Omnicidal Poser?

Omnipotent Pineapple?

Orangutan Peashooter?

Yes.


Anyways...we’ll be right back after a commercial break/grinding/punching out Pirkle for Sky Nectars.


Jerry | Offense: 1 | Defense 1 | Guts: 1 | Vitality: 1 | IQ: 1 | HP: 11 | PP: 3


Mom | IQ: 1 | HP: 2 | PP: 10 | Learned PSI Shield Omega | Learned PSI Magnet Omega


After a lot of muggings and level ups later, I think we’re ready to go through door #2. It’s...different, to say the least.

Are you sure you want what’s behind door number 2?

(The bear on the left basically serves to railroad the player into completing Mom and Ban’s dungeon before letting them into OP’s dungeon.)



Earthbound OST - Save the Miners!


Welcome to Dungeon #2: The Cave of Many Flashbacks. It’s actually my favorite out of the three, as it provides a lot of exposition and insight into Dr. Andonuts’ psychological mindscape.


Jerks!

TIL Andonuts’ never had a happy Christmas.


Ban’s dungeon starts off incredibly straightforward. However, as we progress further into the flashbacks, and thus, the dungeon, branching paths begin to split from the main route.

Screen flashes to white…



Earthbound OST - Eight Melodies


Looks like we’ve just entered a flashback sequence. A lot of Dr. Andonuts’ resulting psych can be traced back to the few moments that we see in Ban/Jeff’s dungeon.


: “You barely say anything to us...you barely interact with us...Don’t you realize what this is doing to our child? ...what would you do if I went away? I don’t...feel like you’d really be able to raise Ban on your own…

And right now… what about me? Why has it suddenly become so cold between us? What...why… what’s wrong with you?

…

...you… even if I ask you…

… what am I expecting you to say!? You never say… you never say anything!! You just stand there, nodding your head like a robot…

S...sometimes I wonder.

…

...honey, do you really… love me? Do you really love… Ban?”


: “...I...Of… of course… Of course I do…

…”

: "..."
: <Exits the room awkwardly>

Drama!


Ribbon gets tossed over to Mom for a hefty +6 defense boost. The Hair Gel, in turn, is passed down to Jerry, giving him the powers of Alba Botanica to deal out his best Johnny Bravo impression.

Hey, I made that reference first.

Meh.

I’m assuming that’s young Ban Andonuts’ down there. Might as well drop down to say hello. It’s not like he’s in emotional anguish or anything like that, right?


: “I CAN FEEL THEM WITH MY TONGUE. THEY’RE HARD. I USE THEM TO CHEW FOOD.”

Jesus Christ, Jim Morrison would tell that kid to seek some rehab.


Exiting from the right leads us to the next portion of the dungeon. It peters out a bit from here, but nothing too drastic.


Both doors lead to a wide-open, Moonsidian landscape. However, if we backtrack through the door, we can find a new shiny toy for Jerry.


Entering the very well-furnished office nets us a Star Shield. It gives Jerry a measly +1 to defense, but it allows me to toss the Garbagecan lid over to Mom.


: “AHHHHH And I softly bit my lower lip.”
: "..."
: “...I have no idea what’s going on anymore.”
: “Do not fear. You are not alone in your endeavors of comprehension.”


Leaving the room gives us another flashback sequence of sorts. Other than the fact that it’s there, the game’s not really clear on what it is. I suppose it could represent Andonuts’ mentality at present, but your mileage may vary.


: : “AAHHHH

AAHH

AHH

AH

A

…

Hi! How are you?”

: “I'm alright. Just another day at the office…”
: “You can afford an office?”

The British or American version?


Yeah, we needed that image in our heads. Incarcerated inmates and their uppity asshat habits these days...Why back in my day, _{we used to…}


: “I feel silly now. How’d they get on the ceiling, though?”
: "..."
: "..."

*insert completely obvious Dancing on the Ceiling reference*


The next room swaps out the gray palette for purple/evil wallpaper. Considering that we’ve gone a couple of paces without being interrupted by an enemy, I sense that a disturbance in the Force may be approaching us soon...


: “Look man, I just fought the core representation of homosexuality a few hours ago. I’ll be surprised if anything fazes me at this point.”

I suppose it’s a good time to kick down the door to Ban’s ‘My Sanctuary Spot’. Hopefully Dr.Andonuts’ can cover enough booty to repair the damages we’ll be making.

Earthbound OST - Home Sweet Home


...Huh. That was a bit anti-climatic. I was kinda expecting a lot of screaming and/or blood on the walls.

We think you need help.


: “I just can’t stand this any longer.

…

I’m leaving. You heard me, right?! I’m taking Ban and leaving. I just want him to be able to grow up into a thoughtful, strong boy...What kind of influence does a barely-present father have on his child? It’s… it’s not worth it to me.

...I wish you weren’t… so… You’re always… too wrapped up in your work to spend time with us.

…

No… not your work… not JUST your work… What is it!? Why won’t you tell me anything!?

…

You…

…

*sniff** *sniff* Please… what happened to you?”


Talking to her flips an event switch of sorts. However, in order to witness the change, we have to exit the room first.


But before that...let’s heal up. It wouldn’t do to challenge the dungeon-boss at anything less than perfection, right?

I think I saw this thing at IKEA.


: “Then, everybody will understand all the pain I went through. When everyone understands me...They’ll cherish me so. Hahaha… don’t you see how immortal I am now?”

Screw this, on to the dungeon boss!

Earthbound OST - Your Sanctuary


Exiting the room again teleports us to a Cultist shrine thingy/climatic battle room. At this point, we have two options: A and B. Option A is to leave the room, which will teleport us back to the beginning of the dungeon. Option B, on the other hand, is to duke it out with Boss man on the alter.

We’re going with Option B.


: “...Senile old duck…I’m your son, Ban. I know it’s been a while since you’ve seen me, and…

...no, dad, I don’t really want a donut.

...Dad, I have to go south. A girl named Mom keeps appearing in my dreams. She keeps telling me that south is my destiny. I know it sounds ridiculous now, and that I might still wet the bed, but this is what I have to do.

So…Will you help me?”

: “...Is he talking to himself?”
: "Indeed he is. However, I must implore you to keep your silence. Dr. Andonuts’ is having a flashback moment.”
: “...! Yes! Thank you! I knew I could count on you…

…

(I’ll see you again in another 10 years… what’s that supposed to mean? Am I just supposed to say goodbye like this!? In that case...)

Goodbye.”



Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Technoboss

And so Jerry Toraernos will defeat a future party member for the good of mankind and puppies everywhere. In other words, this is…

JERRY TORAERNOS (and Mom) vs. DEARKHART

ROUND 2


Meet Halloween Hack Boss #2: Dearkheart. Despite being a neat boss that represents Dr. Andonuts’ deepest regrets, the thing’s basically a Shadow from Kingdom Hearts. Take that as you will.


First order of business is to cast PSI Shield Omega. Although Dearkheart will stick mainly to physical attacks, it can pull a Freeze Alpha out of its ass from time to time. At this point, Freeze can kill Mom downright and put Jerry into critical, so it would be wise to have some form of shielding up.


Dearkheart’s main physical attack is to puncture the party’s lungs for 27-30 HP a piece. If you didn’t train Mom up like I did, it’s best to put her on support.

You’d think an open wound and collapsed lung would be a little bit more damage than 30 hp.

It’s fine. The game's an RPG, so it works on anime physics.


In the case that everyone is out of danger and Dearkheart tries to swing, it’s best to start wrecking his day with Freeze Alpha.


So with enough planning and a bit of luck, Dearkheart’s day gets ruined with little to no trouble. Jerry Toraernos: Ace Psychologist. Kicking the shit out of consolidated regrets since the beginning of time.

Like Ace Attorney, but without the wacky sitcom style.


This is JERRY TORAERNOS (and Mom) vs. DEARKHEART. Thank you and have a good night.

Screen fades to white…



Earthbound OST - Eight Melodies


Alright, let’s get this over with. Microphone’s over to you, Doc. What do you have to say about your mental instability now?


: “Happy...I knew I wouldn’t be able to raise him by myself. I wouldn’t want him to turn into a shameful monster like me. So I sent him away to boarding school. Now he’s not a monster. He’s almost a hero. I feel that if I help him to do what he wants most, even if it’s something ridiculous...If he accomplishes that, I’ll turn back into a normal person. I won’t be a monster anymore.

Y...yes. I’ll be able to laugh, and shout, and speak...I won’t need to hide from myself anymore. If I can complete the Phase Distorter, then...Then…

…

But what will happen to me if I fail? I’m still so scared.

Help me...I need courage… I need…”

Earthbound OST - The Power


: “...Listen! I am Courage. I love my dad… er, Dr. Andonuts. However, it’s saddening what he’s done to himself. It’s true that my dad has never really been great at communicating…”
: “Yeah, making monsters don’t exactly put you in the ‘approachable’ category, pal.”
: “But I never thought he would lock himself in his own mind. Jerry! Let’s go find OP and save my dad!”
: “...Sure. Welcome aboard, comrade.”
: “...Just one question, though...How can someone make a time machine if they don’t understand time travel?”
: “Hell if I know. But more importantly…”


: “...Got any booze on you?”