The Let's Play Archive

Resident Evil 0

by The Dark Id

Part 14: Episode XIV: Afrika

Episode XIV: Afrika

When last we left our heroes, they decided surviving a near death experience was the best time for some hearty exposition. With that said, let's flashback...

"Twenty-three people? It was more like fifty-three..."

Queue zany flashback effects.

Resident Evil. Always ready to not remotely commit to an exact location.

"When first I heard about it, I thought we were going to be wrecking the shit out of some sort of rogue deadly gorillas. Only when we got there, did they tell us we were fighting guerillas, as in insurgents. Morale went down the tube."
"First they attack with ambushes. But, they didn't just use guns..."
"No. There were traps. Davis fell into a spike pit with alligators. Johnson stepped on this giant spring board that launched him into the air."
"Was he alright?"
"Spike pit with alligators. And that's not all..."

"I remember they started attacking with crude weapons. Murphy's head got taken clean off with one of them. Blood sprayed three feet in the air."

"Then, there was the trident..."
"A trident? Now you're just making things up."
"Were you fucking there miss suburb pissant town cop? You ever been to fucking Africa?"
"Then let me tell my fucking story before I cut off your tongue and wear it on a necklace next to my dogtags!"

"Six fucking checkpoints back."

"The some we like to call 'pussies'."

"The ones that bitched and moaned too much about the heat and the enemy killing our dudes? Then, they were killed by me."

All that and only ten points...

Heaven forbid anyone loiter in the second story basement of a dilapidated training facility.

Oh, Capcom and your wacky, wildly out of place pseudo-political commentary.

Well, if they were en route to an innocent village... Who, exactly, was attacking them on their way there? Monkeys? Zombie monkeys?

Someone should really come to their aids... I'm going to hell.

"One of the jerks was firing into the air. That's a waste of good bullets. Man was pitiful. Only had four inventory spaces to his name. No self control."

"Yeah, the jerk sucker punched me. Actually, all three of them did. At once. It's the only way they could take me down.

"I can't believe those fuckers started without me. Think they can bogart my kills, can they? It was time for the Coen Train to leave the station."

The fiend is jamming out on an air guitar using his rifle.

"And so I lunged at him and..."
"And what?"
"I don't know. The flashback just sort of stops there. But knowing me, I probably popped his head off and threw it into another guy, who promptly exploded. Like Turkish Star Wars and shit."

"I... Did you not listen to any of my flashback? Are you that stupid?"

"Now let's never speak on it again. Ever."

"But, I agree we should never speak about it again. Ever."

"Well, Enrico does. Edward did, but he died. The rest of my team just sort of leered at me in silence, all the time. It was really uncomfortable."

"Yes, Rebecca. The zombie dogs managed to cut the MPs' throats and crash the van while it was driving through the woods. Then they lunged for me, but had accidentally gotten a key from one of the soldier's pockets lodged in their mouth and unlocked my handcuff by mistake. Then another tore a handgun out of one of the guard's holsters, shooting him three times in the back in the process. Then, spooked by the shots, it dropped the gun at my feet. And that's how I really escaped."

"And for clarification, if you talk to your commander one more time. I'll let you have that third shotgun shell you wanted to use earlier. Free of charge."

Tune in next time for retarded puzzles and item collection galore!

Bonus Content:

Amerikkka Death Corps Flashback: /Backup