Part 21: Episode XXI: The Pan-Dimensional Elevator
Episode XXI: The Pan-Dimensional Elevator
When last we left our heroine, she'd, somehow, possibly through arcane arts or dark science, found herself in the Resident Evil 2 labs. She also met the original Tyrant, who was just sort of chilling out outside said labs. A large caliber dump was taken on continuity, as well. With that said, let's soldier forth...
Officer Chambers finds herself in a rather large elevator. This is no ordinary elevator, mind you. Oh no... For, you see... This elevator is exists beyond this dimensional plane. But first, an FMV to remind you there's supposed to be a villain in this title...
Someone has gotten a bit too friendly with his leeches.
"Nevermind I've yet to actually interact with a single one of you beyond that zombie monkeys thing. I've got nothing to do and I'm covered in leeches. Hehehe."
Buddy, the only thing that is stopping you from getting your vague revenge is the fact you've been standing around in a dark room peeping on teenage girls instead of doing something... anything remotely constructive. Now piss off!
So, we have the elevator. The elevator has four levels of which it can travel. A trip to any of these levels lasts roughly four seconds with no fade out to account for elapsed time. Becky is currently on level three. Let's check out level two, shall we?
Level two leads to an access walkway outside the big ass main shaft.
Which, in turn, leads to the cable car from earlier. Well, okay. I guess that's plausible. Aside from the fact that they built a second quarter mile elevator next to the first one. But, hey. Whatever. It's Umbrella. I'm surprised they didn't put a fountain in between both of them as a buffer.
Let's check out level number one for some real fun...
We are back at the train wreckage in the basement of the Training Facility... Which means the training facility is apparently built right on top of the warehouse to Birkin's lab and is, in turn, right on the outskirts of Raccoon City. Except, we rode a cable car, underground again, mind you, from this facility to the same point as the elevator we just got off of.
Rebecca quietly returns to the elevator and rides to level four. Her mind completely boggled.
Level four leads back to the Uncanny Valley. Oh, and an underground dam and subsequent river which is apparently below Birkin's lab in a cavern large enough to house a small city.
Oh yeah, Billy somehow managed to fall down a seemingly bottomless pit and somehow end up in a river a half mile underground. I'm not saying he couldn't have survived it. I'm just saying it's fucking retarded.
The powerful Jew Grip™ is still intact.
Oh, and if you can squint real hard you can make out the shadow of a zombie shark. Which, has somehow broken out of its area in Resident Evil 1 to make a short cameo in Resident Evil Zero. Since, why the fuck not, at this point?
Oh hell, looks like Umbrella equipped some sort of ray gun security and it's roasting poor Rebecca's flesh. Or...this FMV is just extra poorly rendered... You be the judge.
You know, either it's the giant shark from Resident Evil 1, which would be retarded. Or there are multiple giant zombie sharks tooling around deep under the earth's crust beneath Raccoon City. Which is about equally retarded.
I wish there were more synonyms for 'retarded' but honestly, it sums up everything about this series so nicely, I just am compelled to use it so often.
"With my last breath, I curse Rebecca!"
"You forgot to give me five!"
Oh well. Welcome to the final area: Umbrella's secret underground dam beneath its secret underground laboratory.
Which, being a dam - a structure built to harness electricity from running water - it, of course, has no power. That is, before a dopey ass puzzle!
As depicted by this complex 'Lite Brite' power supply system.
"Designate a point to
Power can be supplied to
any location up to 2 points."
Ta-da. I'm a friggin' genius.
Did I mention this place is friggin' huge? No? Well, it's friggin' huge. And it is beneath the William Birkin lab. You know, the one with the bottomless Death Star-esque pits. I just need to reiterate that.
Rebecca takes the previously powered down elevator down and heads to the next area.
A square-shaped hole? In a Resident Evil game? I knew this prequel was missing something important...
The next area leads to a bar. Which has a map of this lovely new locale.
A locale which has nine floors. And, this apparently isn't just a dam. It's also a treatment plant. Umbrella Inc. Committing horrible sins against nature...but environmentally friendly.
I just felt like throwing this comment by Rebecca in. I guess she had a very sheltered upbringing.
Moving right along...
A small area with a broken down forklift demanding a power supply presents itself. This will be needed, of course...
To retrieve the keycard some Umbrella jerks swipped off their coworker and tossed on a crevice before giving him a swirly, stealing his lunch money, and injecting his bloodstream with bees.
The next area holds... Could it be...? It is! An out of reach Red Valve! My heart is aflutter.
There's even a tedious partner driven crate pushing puzzle to accompany it. Capcom, you know how to win a guy over.
Rebecca skips through a few more linear, dull rooms with poor lighting.
Those monsters! They turned him into a character from Doom 3!
"Well, I remember piledriving a monkey off that ledge. It was totally sweet. It's head exploded all over and shit. Then I went 'maybe that wouldn't have happened if you were more in shape.' Bwahaha. It gets hazy after that."
"I SEEK MORE SOULS!"
"That to help your weight problem and flat chest? Bwahaha."
What? What is it? What am I looking at? Hell, it has morphed into Doom 3.
"Mount some rockets on my back and we're in business, baby."
"I'm thinking the zombies, the zombie dogs, the zombie monkeys, the giant bugs, the frog men, the zombie bats, or maybe even the crows could have pulled it off."
"Dr. Marcus, these corpses are really starting to pile up. Want me to bury them in the woods or out in the desert? I've got a pretty big trunk on my car. Wouldn't take too many trips."
"Toss them in the corner of the treatment plant and leave me to my leeches! Leech."
"No, really... I've got a shovel and everything. Stew, down in accounting, he said he's be game to help."
"The corner of the underground dam! Now out of my sight! Leech."
"Now it's personal. Nobody bogarts my kills!"
Quick flashback that'll never be brought up again!
Back to reality...
"My hair... Is my hair still awesome...?"
"I-I guess... Yeah, it's still pretty straight. How'd you do-"
"Then, let's roll, sugar tits."
Tune in next time for more kooky fun time wandering in circles! And maybe a random boss fight or two!
Shouldn't he have more on his mind than 'What is the deal with those skeletons?':