Part 6: Episode VI: Worst Brake System EVER
Episode VI: Worst Brake System EVER
When last we left our heroes, they stood slackjawed and watched as two random goons were horribly killed by urban youth leeches. With that said, let's finish this lousy train...
So, the train should eventually slow down, right? Right?
Oh well... On to the engine room and the game's first idiotic timed puzzle!
The pair rush to the console and immediately start pushing random buttons. Sadly, this proves fruitless.
"It's raining heavily and is dark out!"
"I thought we were a team?"
"We're a 'team' as in you hold the cans of gasoline and my keys and I wear the pants and do all the useful things."
Quite the dire situation. So, let's read a file!
Brake Operation Manual
Activate the controls? They're fucking brakes. They should really be activated at all times, no?
Oh, so if there's an impending crash hazard a few miles down the track, it's just a simple matter of sending someone ACROSS THE ENTIRE TRAIN to just turn on the brakes power.
Err... What code? Did I miss something. I'm not going to like this, am I?
"Pfft. As if. Get your ass in gear, women. You could afford to loose a few pounds off that truck you're carrying."
"Why do I have to run to the back of the train?!"
"Because I said so."
"You can boss me around. There's no 'I' in 'team'."
"But there is an 'i' in 'Billy' and Billy says to get your feet moving or I am going to stop bossing you around and start bench pressing you!"
"That's better. Now get moving before I slap the taste out of your mouth."
I smell a love subplot in the making... Shockingly, there actually isn't one.
Since the developers are pricks, they don't actually automatically give you the keycard you need and you can easily miss it if you're in a hurry. What with the new three minute timer, despite the fact the guys from a minute earlier said it was ten minutes to the point the train would be derailed.
Rebecca rushes toward the back of the train. Funny, something seems missing...
One thing that isn't missing is even more zombies. I'm sorry, but my suspension of disbelief with these respawning zombies is being taxed. I can accept vast industrial complexes, urban environments, and creepy old houses. But a moving train? What, are they hiding under the seats?
Rebecca moves on...
Did we come in at a bad time?
"Heeeeeey, girlfriend. How you been?"
Who could have foreseen this dramatic turn of events? Well, other than anyone who's seen any form of zombie related media ever.
"What do I hear back there? I think I hear screwing up. I'd better not fucking be hearing screwing up."
"Oh, boo fucking hoo. You gonna cry? I don't hear feet moving and puzzles being solved. Over."
Despite traumatic experiences and verbal abuse, Becky makes it to the back of the train for our first dive into wildly out of place puzzlers.
In order to release the lock, Rebecca must use the keypad's numbers and add up to 67 (though the number is randomized) using ten keys. I can find no remotely logical way to justify this for activating a brake. Even the puzzle in Nemesis which involved fucking with the city's power grid to open a door was more plausible.
Anyhow, the easiest solution is to find a multiple of nine closest to your target number, then go up by low digits until you reach ten keys. Or just look it up on GameFAQs, if you suck at math.
"This is Billy. You're standing outside in a thunderstorm on the back of an out of control train. I didn't hear a goddamn thing you said. Over."
"Make sure you get the fuck off that stupid platform and don't get splattered when we inevitable crash. Someone is going to have to carry that Hookshot when we get off here."
What? It's not over.
Oh for... Well, it's the same puzzle again! Only, the panel showing your current sum is busted. So have a good memory or bust out that pen and paper and get cracking at that 1st grade math.
A dopey puzzle later.
Even after all that, then you still have to pull the brake like a normal braking system works? What a jip.
Unfortunately, the Ecliptic Express is equipped with some manner of Bizarro Brakes and thus the train somehow speeds up.
Off to a side track, no less. I guess the spirits of Delta Team managed to switch the track from beyond the grave.
This seems dangeresque.
And so they all die horribly in a terrible train wreck. The end.
The demise of our heroes: