Part 9: Episode IX: Random Insect Watch
Episode IX: Random Insect Watch
When last we left our heroes, they were separated by fate. Or a rather contrived forced partner usage. In either case, let's see how things are going...
Rebecca manages to fight off the creature. Which, referring to Wikipedia, is known as a 'Plague Crawler'.
The Plague Crawlers are essentially insect reskins of Cerberuses, as far as attack patterns go. They have a close, quick attack. A mid range leaping attack. And a close range pouncing attack that can cause in instant kill. Other than that...they're big ass bugs? What do you want out of me?
Well, I guess they'd make a pretty sweet band name...
Anyway, there's a clock in this room. It's missing a minute hand. Now, we know the answer to the puzzle here is "8:15" thanks to the pointless file earlier. So, this device presumably will unlock whatever magical mechanism it commands when the clock is set to the appropriate time. In such a case, is the minute hand really essential? Couldn't one just set the hour to 8:00 and turn the dial for the minutes until there's a click and shit unlocks?
The answer to this is, "Fuck you. This is Resident Evil. You're finding the damn minute hand!"
Officer Chambers wanders out the door to find herself on another overly elaborate balcony area, complete with second floor water fountain.
The front area of the mansion, and presumably freedom, is within view below. There's also something flashing on the top of the pillar below.
On the other end of the deck is a broken elevator with a non-prerendered box sitting atop it. As well as a door leading in. But first...
"I'll show that mean jerkface!"
"That's right! Let's see who's laughing now? Rebecca Chambers is who! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
"And now to take it one step further. I don't even need to use it! Try to stop me now, you butthead! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
<crackle> "This is Billy. Your radio is on. Use that herb and I'll shave off your fucking left eyebrow when you get back. Over."
Entering the new area, Rebecca finds herself in a medieval dungeon of some sorts. I think I killed Medusa Heads in this place in Castlevania.
Down below is a key of sorts trapped beneath a cage. A small cage with bars well wide enough for Rebecca's stick figure arms to fit through and grab said key. But, that would be too easy. Instead, she'll have to use the mechanism up above.
For some reason, it was seen fit that a thirty foot long chain spanning the entire massive room is the only fit way of lifting a tiny 4x4 foot cage. The crank also has no locking mechanism to it, so one must crank the chain to lift the cage into the air and hold it in air by their own strength alone.
<crackle> "Bwahaha. What's the matter? Your little toddler arms not enough to pull up the big bad cage? Afraid they'll snap off when you crank it half way up?"
"Yes, I can't do it alone. So can you come up here and help me?"
"Csssshhhhhf. What's that, kiddo? Kkkkkkkkhhhh. You're breaking up?"
Might as well mention there's another one of those splendid armor locked doors to contend with in the area.
As well as a ladder leading down and out of the area. The door at the end of the hall unlocks and leads to the main hallway. Let's give the left door a whirl.
Two things of note in this room. A new weapon, which Rebecca is sadly out of space for.
"Find anything, slowpoke?"
"Well, I found another puzzle piece for that scale thing in the main hallway."
"There's also this big weapon thing. I think it's some kind of grenade launcher, maybe."
"You're just a...wait, what was that?!"
"A grenade launcher. I don't have the space..."
"...for it in my inventory. Billy? Billy? Hello?"
"The fuck out of my way!"
"Hey, Billy. What happened? The radio went off and..."
"Outta the way, bitch!"
"Holy fuck, YES!"
"I could blow up the whole goddamn planet with this thing..."
Back in the main hallway, slightly bruised...
Seems this isn't quite enough to solve this puzzle. In fact, it's only 50% done, as both the statues need highly structured ornamental wings to complete their façade.
A bit later...
"I'm only doing this to prove how badass I am. It's been about twenty seconds since the last time, but I want you to think of Clint Eastwood, Batman, and Billy-fucking-Coen whenever you think of someone badass."
"Fine. Fine. Whatever. Let's just get this done."
"Is it high enough?"
"Yeah, it's good. I can walk underneath it and get the key."
"Good, I'm taking a smoke break."
"Fine, just don't let go of the HURGHAAA!"
Yes, this is the only point in the game you can actually directly murder your partner, not counting just dicking around and doing nothing to prevent their messy demise.
In any case, Rebecca finds a key that is probably worth more than your average Umbrella employee's week salary.
Satisfied with her new find and ability to explore further into...
GIANT CENTIPEDE OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!
And it leaves no time getting straight to the insect/human deviancy.
So, for no reason whatsoever, the gigantic centipede (which I find is named "The Centurion", which is somehow even stupider than a scorpion named "The Stinger") scoops up Rebecca. Not to eat her or anything. Just to sort of pull her around and occasionally shake her. Like a mom with a baby who she doesn't exactly want around anymore.
"I'm giving you to the count of ten to get down from there!"
"10... 9... 8..."
"...7...6...5... Forget it... Rebecca, get down from there! This is getting stupid!"
So... The giant centipede has Rebecca in its clutches. I don't think it can actually kill her or anything. If it can, it takes a very long time to do so.
The thing, being a giant centipede, has the awesome ability of...walking around the room in a preset path over and over. Occasionally, stopping to shake Rebecca around.
Might I mention Rebecca endlessly loops a voice clip of "Aaaaah! Billy!" during the entire fight?
Unfortunately, blasting her does nothing to silence her looped cries. In fact, I think it does more damage to the monster.
I'd elaborate further, but that about does it.
So ends the most pointless boss fight in the series. It died as it lived. Barely acknowledged in any form and forgotten in three minutes after the fact.
Omigod. Omigod. He actually cares about what happened to me. Maybe he'll stop being such a total jerk.
"I'm a bit beat-up, though. It's a good thing I hung onto that herb from earlier."
"You still got that?"
"Yup, right here-"
<snatch> "Thanks. Got nicked by one of the thing's legs. Sort of stung."
"Oh man... What have I done..."
"You saved my life. I already thanked you."
"Shut up! Man... I've made a huge mistake..."
"That precious inventory space... What could have been..."
<sigh> "Oh well... I guess you'll have to do..."
<snaps fingers> "Come on, I think I saw an ink ribbon in the corner of the room."
Tune in next time for item collection, files, and insane puzzles coming out of every pore of the game's acne ridden face!
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