Part 12: Episode XI: Moonlight Sonata
Episode XI: Moonlight Sonata
When last we left our heroine, she'd just found her dead team mate and it was very sad. But, she got a sweet grenade launcher out of the deal, so the grieving was minimal. With that said, let's see how old Topher Redfield is doing.
Well...slightly more productive than being in the bathroom for four updates... Slightly...
"Well, at least you can put your limp wrists to some use, buttercup."
"The fuck you lookin' at, K-Mart?"
"What are you supposed to be, now?"
"I'm a fucking latke. Potato pancake. Ya know what a pancake is, right fagbot? Am I loosin' ya? Flat roundish things you eat. Not quite Rebecca's chest flat, but close. Bwahaha."
"Sounded more like Beethoven spinning in his grave fast enough to power the state of Wyoming."
"She's a damn flautist. Oh, you mean the piano. Yeah, not so hot."
"Don't listen to him. I can play fine."
"Look, chief. We had this shitty puzzle yesterday and it was solved by Billy Fucking Coen proving for the umpteenth time he rocked at everything at least 13.6 times more than the twelve year old boy next to me here."
"Just hush up and let me give this a shot."
"If my ears currently weren't made of Idaho spuds, they'd be bleeding. Though, I'm holding out hope for delicious strawberry jam to come out of the current version."
"Where the hell is that sound coming from? It's horrible."
"Terrible demons. Ouch."
"I've got a gun bigger than my forearm. I can't really hear shit at this point..."
<currently unconscious due to running into a wall from sunglass wearing at night>
"...It wasn't that bad, guys..."
"Becky Chambers doing what she does best. Suck cock... Also, suck at the piano. She's pretty proficient at that, too."
"Uhh... Pancake guy, help me out, here..."
"I'd point out the hypocrisy considering that your Disney Princess ass was just dicking around with this thing but..." <clears throat> "Fuck no! What are you stupid?! You're fucking stupid."
"No prob, cockjockey."
"Big booger head. I'll show you who can play piano."
"Now, I know that you know you're a potato pancake."
"It just keeps making this funnier and funnier. Bwahaha."
"Rebecca, let me explain something to you. One of your teammates is down the hall with his throat turn open by a zombie. Another one is a few rooms away half dead from a giant snake attack. And you left him there. You do know there were about three zombies in the hallway outside where he is. Did you kill those zombies."
"And the rest of your team is missing. Oh, except your helicopter pilot. Who was torn apart by dogs."
"How did you know that?"
"We found him in the chopper."
"Oh... I meant Edward. He was was attacked by dogs and then he turned into a zombie and I had to kill him."
"When did this happen?"
"On a speeding train controlled by leeches yesterday."
"Again with the train gibberish. You know what you could be doing with this time, if you're not going to help investigate? Get some sleep so you aren't babbling about this nonsense. Whatever, I'm going..."
Since it's obvious Rebecca isn't budging in trying to improve her musical inferiority complex, Chris decides to explore the rest of the mansion he'd skipped. Highlights include:
A trip to the back yard, where he discovers a graveyard with an open crypt.
Which leads to a creepy room with a chain suspended coffin and four pairs of statues looking like faces.
One of which just happens to fit the mold of the Death Mask he'd been carrying around.
This, in turn, causes the suspended coffin to have a chain tear ajar and spray so much blood it hits the fourth wall.
"Holy shit! Forget this! Moving right along and never looking back."
Chris tries the only other door he hadn't been through in the main hall. Locked doors, of course, barred.
"How did those dogs make it up this high?"
"Aww, geez. I told him I didn't try because I couldn't reach."
There are deep wounds all over his body. What could have torn him up like this?
More importantly...why does he appear to be only wearing a jacket. The hell is going on with Bravo Team? You've got a guy with no jacket and a guy with only a jacket. Is Enrico shirtless at this point?
Chris continues investigating the area, but little of interest is found.
Well, other than Forest his risen from the dead to consume the flesh of men. Forest is a very unique zombie. He's got the speed of a Crimson Head but only has standard zombie attacks. He's also immune (or rather, you cannot use) emergency weapons on him. This is due to a mode unlocked in subsequent playthroughs (it actually becomes part of the default new game) called "One Dangerous Zombie". In which Forest randomly replaces several zombies throughout the game. Which isn't a big idea. Except for one thing.
He's covered in a bandolier of grenades and any attack will blow him to bits and you with him.
Needless to say, that makes him slightly more problematic.
"Come on, man! Admit I was the better shot! Admit it!"
"You used a fucking grenade launcher on the shooting range. You want the better shot?"
"I think this ought to prove it."
Chris decides to clear out the zombies in the hall and check up on his comrade.
"On a scale of one to gay this is fucking My Little Pony."
Chris returns to see if Rebecca's come off her utterly pointless musical stint.
"I think I just found another one of your teammates pecked to death by birds and then ended his shambling ghoul unlife. But, if you got the piano piece down then." <thumbs up>
"No, I just had to possess her homely ass so we could get this stupid puzzle over with while I was still young."
"But, you're dead."
"And you're more queer than a three dollar bill atop a rainbow Volkswagen Beetle driven by an art school kid!"
I really have to wonder how many thousands Umbrella blew on having a sound activated secret passage tuned to a classical piano piece.
"I don't know about you guys, but I'm intrigued. I'm going in."
"Look, nobody wants to know what you say to your boyfriend every night, Dairy Queen. Just solve the stupid puzzle so I can take an afterlife smoke break."
Going out into the monster filled mansion alone? 'Yeah. Whatever. Let me practice music.'
Going into a passage three yards long? 'Be careful~!'
A statue in a secret passage storeroom. Umbrella pulls no stops in the home décor. There's a saucy file on the floor. But, obsessive-compulsively grabbing emblems takes stage.
I didn't see that one coming. Guess we'll have to find a suitable solution. Or smash through the window to the left and walk around the long way. But, alternative paths of logic are highly frowned upon. What isn't highly frowned upon? Reading random diaries on store room floors!
The man is obviously delirious from hunger if any aspect of Resident Evil is making sense to him.
Well...other than the construction workers and other contracted help... Resident Evil doesn't seem to grasp the concept that the man who designs the building does not actually build the thing like he was a working in a RTS with a hammer, some wood, 30 gold, and a bit of stone at his disposal.
"Build me all these secret passages and hidden traps! It's for...err... science. Yeah, science. Now, I'm going to need a study I can cackle in. Work that in somewhere."
A somewhat interesting subnote, the Trevor files were actually an axed bit of files from the original version of the game. They were cut because the developers felt it revealed too much of the plot or some other such rot. Now, years down the road and hopelessly convoluted to the point of resurrected supermen and flying tentacles in Antarctica, they just kind of go 'Meh. Fuck it. Stick it back in."
What is this series and people having special lighters. I don't know about anyone else, but if all I got for my birthday was a Zippo lighter. I'd be slightly steamed.
Back in the good old days of Umbrella when they'd just push your aunt down a staircase if you got in their way.
Neither of these things involve "walking" and "front door". As I don't remember any pits of lava surrounding them...
With the traps and puzzles of the game really half-assed explained, Chris returns the emblem to its rightful place and searches for a means to steal it.
It just so happens there's a wooden replica of that very same emblem not two rooms away. What a coinkie-dink.
And with that, Chris snags himself some hot swag of which he's going to have a hell of a time dragging down the hall and shoving above an open fireplace.
Unsuccessful Piano Playing:
Successful Piano Playing: