Part 27: Episode XV: Mexican Radio
Episode XV: Mexican Radio
When last we left our heroine, she had finally conquered the less than terrific terror of the graveyard crypt. Now, newly armed with the key (or medal) to pass beyond the confines of the mansion, she goes boldly forth. With that said, let's continue...
Yes, onward to bolder horizons...
...or untidy storerooms. That works, I suppose...
The buffer zone storeroom has two exits. One has the large, obvious double doors.
But, slightly to its right is a sparkly new door (in the grimy and splinter ridden sense) which wasn't present in the original game. I see no reason why we shouldn't explore this fine new path. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh, hey. I told you it was a good idea. We've escaped the mansion. Sweet freedom, here we come!
Perhaps this friendly signpost will point us in the right direction of Raccoon City.
accompanied by a corresponding direction.
Let's see. To the north is the Valley of Destruction. I hear property taxes down there have gotten unreal.
To the south we have the Cave of Hatred. It's gone so commercial, lately.
Then we have, to the east, the Summit of Madness. It's more of an unusually high hill of madness. Great for singing opera to your leeches, though.
And then westward is the Path of Revenge. Honestly, I'd recommend the Bypass of Vengeance more. It'll get you to Norfolk much quicker.
Further down the path, Jill comes across a rooster shaped weathervane. I wonder if all Resident Evil characters come across seemly ordinary objects in the distance and just let out a deep, defeated sigh knowing there is an impeding puzzle.
Since we're apparently in a vortex of wind, the weathervane just spins around aimlessly. Maybe idling for a half second or so in one direction. Pressing the button beneath it causes it to stop in the direction it is currently facing. Or maybe it alters the wind to keep it blowing in that direction. It's Resident Evil. It's possible.
In a possibly, but not entirely positively, related story, a stone statue of a Cerberus (the mythical version, not the zombie dog one) moves in the corresponding direction. Or, at least the corresponding direction relative to its current position. We might want to check that out before continuing this rooster business.
Jill's radio crackles to life. Yeah, I know Richard is supposed to give you a radio. But...the entire team was already equipped with radios to begin with. Seeing as Chris was stupid enough to drop his friggin' gun, I wouldn't put it past him to be all butterfingers with his communication device. Then, we can also assume since Jill held onto her gun, she kept her radio in check. Sound good? Good.
I mean, it would be an even larger plothole to assume Barry "My partner is my gun and my back-up is my bullets" Burton was the only one to hold onto his radio.
Barry's new voice actor seems to be directly channeling his predecessor for this cutscene.
Speaking in broken sentences? Near babbling with slight hints dotted in? I've seen this before...
Poor bastard is probably seconds away from getting shot in the head with a tranquilizer dart, having his body shaken for rations and ammo, then being stuffed into a locker.
Since, the roaming bands of flesh eating hell hounds weren't enough of a reason, I guess.
Okay... The forest outside the mansion. Well...that had the zombie dogs and junk when I tried to go there. I guess I'm in the clear.
Jill tucks away her radio and continues toward the Cerberus statue she didn't actually see move, but will be investigating anyway. Another weathervane presents itself along the way.
Alright, two Cerberus statues and two weathervanes. Who wants to place bets that the gate is locked with a cryptic inscription and the two statues have equally cryptic inscriptions but a stirringly obvious key words peppered in? Anyone?
Well, that's simple.
I'm assuming you're a decently intelligent lot. I think you can figure out the rest.
Fabulous. Moving right along.
Umbrella must have gotten a steal on this piece of property. The one point in the dozens of square mile thick Raccoon Forest adjacent to not one but TWO fully function cemeteries. The place must pay for itself.
But, this being Resident Evil and all, what would a good graveyard be without...
...Glorious puzzles! I hope you have three free inventory spaces and that medal from the horrors of the bee room.
This translates to: stick Wind Crest into Wind Crest hole. Thanks.
I imagine this is how Special Ed class goes. Then everyone claps because everyone is a winner!
Oh sweet Jesus! The medals are breeding like rabbits! Head for the hills!
Now, you recall the indentations in the three holes in the other headstone, right?
Since Capcom is so proud of its inventory viewing system, they want us to take each of these items, spin them around, press a button, and watch a spiffy animation of their little stylized slots stick out.
This is somehow more degrading than usual.
I swear to God, I'll fucking toss a box of kittens into a pit bull's cage if five medals pop out this time.
You win this time, Capcom. You win this time...
And how. Let's not question why there was a device activated by placing a medal into a headstone, retrieving medals from that headstone and placing them into its neighboring tombstone, all to hide a magnum. Let's not question that one fucking bit.
Skipping right along. Unholy bounty of the undead's gift of ownage in hand. Another gate awaits our heroine on the far side of the cemetery.
Didn't Barry say something about chains or a house? Something about not going there? Well, you know what. Unless he's running like a retard through the woods, screaming wildly into the night, he's not actually anywhere in the area. So, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
Yep. Spooky path in the woods. Gotta love 'em.
Did I mention this thing is really long? Not, Silent Hill 2's beginning really fucking long but with great ambience. This is just really fucking long in the "are we friggin' there yet?!" sense.
Another minute or two of walking.
Oh goodie. It's the cabin from Evil Dead. What can go wrong with exploring this? At the very most, we'll get a chainsaw hand upgrade out of the deal.
I like the Remake and all. I'd place it as one of the best video game remakes ever made. But, it is really adding an obscene amount of "what in the blue hell am I doing here" moments to the original material.
Jill investigates into whether anyone is home. A map of the area is nailed to the wall. Since, I could see how you could get turned around in the whole half mile completely linear trail. Barry's probably out there still, huddled behind a tree in the fetal position.
I told you it was a really long trail.
The back room holds the usual save room materials. And an old friend, the file. How I've missed you so.
A family picture
I think this kid just walked in on her parents going doggy style.
It seems they're channeling directly into a GameFAQs message board for this file.
Looking closely at the background, it would seem this belonged to a "Lisa". Which was the same name on the painting of the girl back in the retarded stained glass window/spotlight puzzle. Hopefully, this one won't just turn out to be a jacked up zombie.
Heading into the back room, Jill discovers a crank. What's she need with a crank? Where have you been? Capcom developers cannot maintain an erection until both a crank and red valve have been inserted somewhere into the code.
Jill turns back toward the woods, hoping the crank will be put to some use.
"LuuuuUUUUUUceee AAAAAAAAIIIIIm howm!"
Err... Sure it's nothing to be worried about...
Though, I've been wrong before...
Tune in next time for... Are both our heroes dead now? Well, shit...
Barry Radio Cutscene: