Part 28: Episode XVI: Wishing You Were Here
Episode XVI: Wishing You Were Here
"Who thought this outfit was a good id-THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!?"
"Like I can only maintain this facial expression."
"See, told ya."
"Yeah...that was like fifteen minutes ago. Then about ten minutes ago your ass was deader than Ray Charles. Then you pulled a Castro and popped back up a few minutes later. I was disappointed. I could have had a spectral buddy. I'm sure you'd take the form of a fabulous carry bag or an Easy Listening CD. Maybe a doll house. Oh, I know! Nail polish. It'd go well with that pointy ass head of yours."
"On this dome? Fucking child's play."
"So don't do anything useful, smart, or manly. Getting mauled by giant centipedes is acceptable."
"True story! Well, not the mauled part. But, there really was this giiiiiiiant centipede and it came..."
"Yeah, yeah kid. Thanks for the assist."
"Yeah, Dr. Quinn. I'm sure shooting him up with a bottle from a storeroom, having his heart stop for ten minutes, and a giant untreated snake bite ought to leave him in tip-top shape. God did a bang-up job with you."
Chris proceeds to ditch Rebecca and wander around aimlessly for a time.
Eventually, he discovers the way out back. Now accessible, thanks to Jill being a complete tool.
Chris barrels through the new storeroom and out the back. Side passages are for lesser men.
Lovely ambience this Umbrella facility has. According to Resident Evil 0, the whole biohazard outbreak here took place less than a month ago. So, I don't think you can blame the lack of custodial staff in that month for the current state of disrepair.
Chris' radio crackles to life after a few steps.
Brad Vickers is the helicopter pilot who ditched you in the intro. Well, actually. The team was sort of running in the wrong direction in the Remake and he made the logical choice of...not getting mauled by mutants. Making him slightly less of a dick.
Regardless, he ultimately ends up getting skullfucked by a Tyrant in future installments.
Now, the man is in a helicopter in the middle of the woods. The only landmark, and subsequent refuge from devil dogs, for miles is this big-ass, fully lit house. Wouldn't it make a wee bit of sense for him just to be flying over the place for a bit and hope for the best, along with the radio transmissions. Just saying...
"Can you hear me now?! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?! Good? GOOD?!?!"
Not the time to be dotting over nail care, Topher.
Moving right along...
So, we find ourselves in the courtyard. In better times, Umbrella researchers would muse on the humanitarian atrocities they were committing and the dire ramifications they were having upon the men's souls. Then they'd have a good laugh over it, because talk like that is just silly.
An obligatory powered down elevator rests to the left of the entryway.
And an obligatory utterly unnecessary gate rest front and center.
This brings Chris to the pool or something of that nature. You know how these fancy pants researchers are with their exercise regiments.
"You're a square shaped hole!"
Well, it seems that crank Jill had come across is instrumental in crossing this pool. I suppose Chris will need to double back and meet up with what's left of J-
I guess that works, too...
Slightly soggy, Officer Redfield comes across an elevator at the far side of the pool.
Which leads to yet another courtyard (who says you can only have one?) There was also a damp cave. But, Chris had seen quite enough of water for the day.
We're in a buffer zone, can you tell?
Men wasted hours on rendering these corridors which are making me yawn and grumble. I hope your mothers are proud.
Oh yes, there's zombie snakes, as well. Men spent minutes rendering these nearly AI devoid, non-descript shapes.
But, all that doesn't matter. As the we've finally gotten somewhere interesting.
Tune in next time for...
PART 2 - THE RESIDENCE