The Let's Play Archive

Resident Evil 1

by The Dark Id

Part 35: Episode XXII: Gotta Get Away

Episode XXII: Gotta Get Away

When last we left our heroine, she'd completely failed to comprehend the scheme she overheard about her teammates trying to kill everyone. With that said, let's continue...

Left to her own devices, Jill continues her investigation of the area.

The giant zombie shark barbequed in the basement was a real eyebrow raiser. But, other than that, things were fairly uneventful.

Jill heads back upstairs and wanders into the Gallery.

It proves to be just as eventful as the Aqua-huh?

"Dude... Dude, there's no way that happened."
"I'm telling ya. Fucking-A. This guy, man. This guy was... He was made out of leeches."
"Dude, no. Dude, how can a guy be a leech."
"Man, he just was. He was a leech. Man... Man, wait... Man...what if we're made out of leeches."
"Dude...dude...dude...dude... Dude, you have just blown my mind."

"Man, if we're leeches. Maybe those zombies, man. Maybe they just look like zombies, man. Maybe the zombies are the people. Man..."
"Dude. Dude. Dude. Duuuuuude. That's deep... Dude, if you combine the blue herb and the green herb AND the red herb. Dude. Try it, dude..."
"What about the yellow herb? What if we put in the yellow herb?"

Jill backs away slowly and explores the rest of the area.

I dated this chick once that had a giant sentient plant over the bed post. I don't know about you folks, but multiple flailing tentacles sort of kill the mood for me.

Ms. Valentine heads into Plant 42's old digs.

Now, aside from housing the enormous man eating plant, what exactly was this room's purpose? Couldn't the architect have allotted bedroom space in place of the massive auditorium sized empty room, in lieu of having the secret lab entrance be behind some poor shmuck's bookcase?

I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say that someone has drawn Plant 42 hentai at some point. No, that is not an invitation to post any, ya sick fucks.

There's a surprise sex joke that could go here, but I'll hold my tongue.

The great thing about V-Jolt is that it doesn't work. The one non-automated scientific thing Umbrella produced in any title of this series and it doesn't friggin' work.

Barry bursts in the main set of doors.

"Jill, you're never gonna guess what I found."

"No fuckin' way, right?! I was just looking at some random picture that was slightly tilted and next thing I knew the frame was flipping over and bam."

No, do not ask where Barry Burton got a flamethrower. It literally disappears immediately following this scene and is never mentioned again.

Has anyone thought about not walking beneath the flailing vines of this thing? Honestly, how hard a concept is 'stay by the wall or the giant plant will start spinning you around all silly like'.

Markedly difficult, it would seem.

You know, given the randomly spawned flamethrower Barry has acquired, it would be fun if he got increasingly ridiculous weapons. Next time he'll have a broadsword. RPG. M1 Abrams Tank. Hammer of Thor. By the end he's a transhuman battle cyborg capable of tearing a man in two with his bare cybernetic hands.

Like in his original character design...

But for now, we'll just have to settle on the fact that Mr. Burton has gained significant 'fucking metal' points for responding to tentacle molestation with the most extreme prejudice.


Thus ends the saga of Plant 42. There was a boss fight in there somewhere. But it was very dull and involved running in circles and waiting for the glowing weak point to open and we'll have nothing to do with glowing weak points.

Does that count on the Jill as to floor tally? I think that brings us up to five.

Jill's really gone through the roof with redundancy and lack of basic comprehension skills. I hope that love tap to the back of the old noggin didn't effect her basic reasoning skills.

"I've got the perfect outfit if I ever get stuck in a zombie holocaust again."

Now, Barry here. Barry is just good old fashion dumb. Not the newfangled medical disability stupid. We're talking old school, brain circuits running at half power, slow.

The mutant plant finally makes Barry throw his hands up in the air in bewilderment. But...wasn't he getting pummeled by the shackled ghoul wearing a veil of human faces a while ago? What ever happened to that? Only Capcom could manage to make plotholes in minor sub-plots completely exclusive to this game.

Barry senses imminent doom from the mansion. But gives a resounding 'fuck that noise, you go' to the notion of going back there. At least he's a man of principles.

Jill returns the main hallway. She notices the odd odor coming from the side room has vanished.

It's a regular convention center in this place.

Let's see if Jill brings up the Al blackmailing Barry and planning to kill S.T.A.R.S. sideplot?

It's a line drive down the middle. It's going... Going... Going... It's gone! The plot thread is out of the ballpark, clear over Jill Valentine's head, and sailing out the window behind her. And the crowd goes wild!!

Run away, sever contact from the rest of the team, and make absolutely no attempt to locate anyone else?

"Say, have any idea why there's all those new articles about S.T.A.R.S. on the table there?"
"It's probably for someone's class project. You shouldn't worry about it."
"Alright, that sounds logical."

"Yeah, he was talking to himself and doing a really bad impersonation of your voice. It wasn't even British."

Sure, Jill. The guy that's saved your ass from certain death two or three times now is far more suspicious than your absentee commander.

S.T.A.R.S.: The Special Tactics and Rescue Service.

Special Tactics and Rescue Service.

Special Tactics and Rescue Service.

Good lord, this series just became five times clearer.

No shit. That was established around the point Token Black was getting his throat torn out by a zombie. But, I guess now it's an official objective.

"Ho! Ha! Huuuh! Do the Monkey with me, pretty mama."

"To eventually form that sentence into a coherent thought."

Captain Wesker wanders off to do whatever villainous traitors do before they're revealed to be villainous traitors. It requires an alarming amount of linens. But first, what was Wesker shooting at anyway...?

...That was the main villain of the entire series, folks.

Tune in next time for mending paths.

Bonus Content:

Barry Flamethrower Cutscene:

Wesker Hallway Cutscene:

Original Game Bonus Content:

Original Barry Flamethrower Cutscene: