The Let's Play Archive

Resident Evil 1

by The Dark Id

Part 36: Episode XXIII: Dazed and Confused

Episode XXIII: Dazed and Confused

When last we left our hero, he was offered an interesting proposition by his sidekick. With that said, let's continue...

"Never should have left the Air Force."
"You were in the Air Force?"
"Yup. Got discharged a few years ago before getting this S.T.A.R.S. gig."

"How old were you, again?"
"And people say my age is ridiculous..."

Some time passes...

"Dude... Not cool."

"I guess I should follow her."
"Rebecca. We should really follow her. It's not safe."
"But I'm right..."
"That we should go back to the mansion, in case she gets in trouble. Yeah, you're right. Let's go."
"I'll be right behind you... keeping my distance by a few dozen yards"

"How do you stop this crazy thing?!?!"
"That doesn't sound good. I should go get help."

"I cannot ride this thing."

Chris lazily wanders off.

"But, with a shovel we could dig out of here. But, I can't speak Chinese. So that might be hard."

"I gotta get to the mansion. That guy is waiting for me."

"Brad, man. What do you want? Is my fly open? I can't see that way unless I bend and my back hurts from that wild plant ride. I should really have a talk with the managers. Is it open? Brad? You're the worst talking pants ever."

"Wait, this crazy box is talking to me. I wonder if it's talking about my pants. I hope they're okay."

"Is my fly open? Is there loose change in the back pockets? Is there a hole somewhere?! Brad?! Is it a hole?!"

"Where am I going to get pants at this hour?"

"I wish I could fly."

"It's time to ride the ELELATTOR! HURRAY!"

"Oh, dude. It's a cat. Rebecca? Rebecca?! Where'd she go. She's missing the cat."

"Man, I had a cat when I was a kid. It's name was James Earl Jones. People always tried to do his meow but they never got it right. It got ran over by a moped."


"Man, there are snakes falling out of the sky. MAN, out of the sky. Are they on a helicopter? I need some water."

"Someone stole the water?! Why would someone steal that. They'd get all wet!"

"I'll fix them."

"Lousy water thieves. I hope my bottle is okay."

"Man, fuck your crank! Off the waterfall with this thing. Hehe. Crank."

Chris stumbles further back toward the mansion.

"There's some kinda crazy note on the wall. Oh, man. It's from Wes. I wonder how he's doin'."

Captain Albert Wesker of S.T.A.R.S. Alpha Team posted:

"Use this to protect yourself from that monster in chains that can't be hurt by guns. I also fixed the doorknob to make sure you can get away." - Wesker -

"Aww, man. That's nice. I dunno what that means but that's nice. I need to buy that guy a beer. He's so nice."

"I wonder if we kill all the zombies and stuff if I can live here. It can be called Redfield Mansion and we can have hay rides on Wednesdays."

"But there will be no strawberry ice cream allowed. Strawberry ice cream will be the first thing banned at Christopia."


Back with our hero...


"I need an adult! I need an adult!!"

Tune in next time for caves, boulders, and lizard men out the ass!