Part 4: Episode III: Monster Mash
Episode III: Monster Mash
When last we left our heroes, they were running away from zombie dogs... Then puppets of zombie dogs... I think that covers it. With that said, let's continue...
That sounds sexy.
"It's not an engine limitation the original game had. Honest."
The Redfield family seems to have a real problem with this...
To think, the entire plot of this game would be foiled by Google Maps if it took place a few years later.
Well, if you just ignore all the traps, abstract puzzles, themed key sets, emblems, undead, sentient plants, lizard men, and crimes against humanity... I'd say it's just slightly outlandish.
Said in the tone of someone just realizing they'd not gotten fries with their Big Mac.
"Captain Wesker... Why the fuck aren't you British anymore?"
"I've got a cold."
...out why Barry is sporting a gay fanny pack? Way ahead of you.
Someone was inspired to play Zero after the last thread. Poor fool.
"Maybe that'll teach you not to question my groundless assumptions."
"Plus, if he's turned undead. Not that I'm saying there's undead around here. But, if he has. By God, it's my right... my duty, to blow his head clean off his shoulders."
"Barry...you creep the shit out of me and I'm a man who wears sunglasses at 11:00 PM."
Wesker proceeds to stand in place looking off into space.
"Uhh.... Barry. Could you not point that thing right at me?"
"Oh, sorry. Old habit."
"Who's the chubby Irish guy that's a magnum sex machine?"
"Ya damn right!"
"That Burton is one fat moth-"
"SHUT YO MOUTH!"
"I'm just talkin' bout Barry!"
"Then we can dig it."
Who disguised Jill with that prosthetic nose? Zombie see right through visual trickery. Take it off right- Oh... That's real...? Oh... Oh dear...
I might as well go ahead and mention Barry is a Level 63 Obvious Wizard and is quite proud of that pedigree.
And so we actually get to play the game now. Gameplay is...exactly the same as Resident Evil 0. Mostly because Resident Evil Zero just copied and pasted the core mechanics and added a shoddy AI controlled partner then called it a day. There's a few differences I'll mention later on. But, nothing of note at the moment.
Let's see what Jill is carrying.
A pea shooter and an utterly useless knife. Yup, we're playing a Resident Evil title, alright.
Jill follows Barry to the other side of the dining room.
"There's people...I think they're laughing at our game..."
"Or catsup. Whatever it is, it won't do for my burger."
Examining what? It's a blood stain on the floor. Unless your fucking beard can analyze the stain on the floor, I think you're done there.
Talking to Barry again results in...
Barry creepily rubbing his hands in the blood...
Jill backs away slowly into an adjacent hallway.
Ah, yes. A hallway. A Resident Evil staple: structures consisting 2/3 of winding corridors. This mansion will be no exception by a long shot.
Jill rounds the corner.
Into a dimension of infinite darkness, apparently. And where bright green suits are acceptable attire.
No! Token black guy! A horrible death by back to back survival horror game marathons.
Which brings the S.T.A.R.S. Team death total up to four. Three by zombie dogs and one by...
A zombie? Really? Shocking, I know. There's been so much leeches, trench coat mutants, ants, Spaniards, and daughter raping abominations that I'd forgotten the last time a zombie actually did anything significant.
Oh yes, token black guy was "Kenneth J. Sullivan". According to Wikipedia:
Bravo Team's point man and in charge of scouting and reconnaissance. He is also an accomplished chemist, handling chemical protection duties. According to the English language manual of the first game, Kenneth found it odd that he was chosen by Wesker to be part of the elite force.
Now, you can forget all of that because the man will never have a significant role other than...
This little gem. A video tape, much like Joseph's, which will undoubtedly unravel the mystery of Bravo Team's demise upon reaching the mansion. My lips are wet with anticipation as to the contents of this film. Too bad it won't be revealed until the end of the game. But, I'm sure it'll be a bombshell.
Oh yeah, the dead have risen... Run away, RUN AWAY!
"Goddamnit, woman! I'm trying to conduct an investigation here!"
"Take my cookies! Take them all!"
"Rargh, I'm a monster!"
"The monster is over there, Barry."
"Oh, right. Thanks."
Barry takes three shots at point blank range to kill the zombie. Three shots with the single most powerful weapon in the game, excluding the rocket launcher. Three shots with a weapon that can one shot every up to and including the first fight with the final boss.
"They killed Kenny? Those bastards..."
The pair proceed back to the main hallway... But first...
Yes, time for an alternate scene. As we are doing two playthroughs of the same exact scenario, certain scenes are going to overlap. Most of the time, I'm just going to use the better of the two. But, there are a few which have equally amusing versions on both character's side. And then, like here, we have completely alternate versions of scenes which can be easily missed.
This is an alternate version of the first zombie meeting, which is rather obscure to find. Resulted in double ammo and Kenneth's legs being eaten off in the Director's Cut. Don't ask me how those two things are related.
After the initial dining room scene, Jill turns back around and heads out to the main hall.
"Still securing the area. It's proving to be a bit more difficult than anticipated. Keep bumping into things for some reason. Wonder what's up with that."
Anyone know why Wesker has a handless headset when none of the other Alpha Team members even have so much as a walkie-talkie?
Jill attempts to leave a second time.
Says the man who finds a little splatter of blood, stops dead in his tracks, and refuses to leave that spot until the woman investigates the area.
Barry does his best Dexter Morgan impression with his newest finding...
After the scene, Jill attempts yet another time to go see what Wesker is up to.
"I'm only a dolphin, ma'am."
Those new Athlete's Foot commercials have gotten dark.
She's trying to inflate her lips to drive back the creature. A hazardous tactic, at best.
"I wasss once-ssss a man!"
As well as unarmed and limping. So, Barry puts his policing skills to good use.
And opens fire on the guy with a .44 magnum.
Only taking two shots this time to down. Though, to be fair on Barry, this is the most hardass zombie in the series. As, it is possible to kill it back with Kenneth, have Barry shoot it with his Dirty Harry special, and it will still get up and shuffle off just before the two leave the dining room area. And even after that, it can be killed one more time only to... Well, you'll see...
"But... There's still blood to investigate... I..."
"Let's just go, Barry."
The two scenes converge with Barry and Jill heading back to the main hall.
Well, since this update is currently in this hall, it's not like I'm technically leaving it.
Tune in next time for sexy mansion wandering and more locked doors than you can handle!
Main hallway scene:
First zombie appearance:
Zombie death sequence:
Barry's inability to kill a zombie:
Alternate first zombie appearance:
Original Game Bonus Content:
Main hallway scene: (Chris is our old partner, ya know!)
Blood scene: (Hope this is not Chris' blood...)
Kenneth's death (uncensored):
Barry vs. Zombie (What is it?!):