The Let's Play Archive

Resident Evil 1

by The Dark Id

Part 53: Episode XXXV: Knockin' on Heaven's Door

Episode XXXV: Knockin' on Heaven's Door

When last we left our heroine, she'd just finished listening to a lengthy story by her imprisoned co-star. With that said, let's continue...

Jill sets off to find a way to bust Chris out of his cell. Which, as a previous file stated, involves something along the lines of blowing up the facility. Hopefully, things won't come to that.

Jill heads back to the newly powered up elevator.

Well, that's a relief.

And this is troubling...

Maybe she didn't because you...I don't know...tried to shoot her in the face. Just a thought.

An incorrect thought. It seems she just forgot about Barry. She also seems to have misplaced the memory about the whole point blank headshot attempt from a half hour ago.

The two enter the elevator.

Even Barry leering at her the entire elevator ride with his gun at the ready doesn't jog her memory in the slightest.

She's going to need a CAT scan or something when she makes it back to Raccoon City. I really think that blow to the head did some damage. Though, it'll certainly be an ironic twist when she discovers they keep the machine right next to the frogmen capsules.

Jill and Barry enter the top secret laboratory.

Oh hey, it's Captain Wesker. Did he have to walk across the entire upper level with a bottle of liquid nitro to get in here?! I DIDN'T FUCKING THINK SO!

"It's 5:00 AM, we are underground, and the lights are off. Give the sunglasses a rest."

Barry? Why? Who could have seen this stunning turn of events?

...I guess those sunglasses are to throw people off to the eyes in the back of his head.

Said in a tone which treads the line of sarcasm and remembering 'oh did try to kill me earlier... slipped my mind'.

"He's not behind global warming."

"What will his family think if they knew his...dark secret..."

I'm going to have to go with Jill here. How did a guy that appears in literally three cutscenes the entire game manage to become the chief villain of the series? It boggles the mind.

"Not before a lengthy monologue, of course. We must have our standards."

Hey! It all makes sense now! This is why Wesker is trying to resurrect Umbrella in Resident Evil 4. When something retarded happens, who did he always have to blame it on? Umbrella.

"Comrade Wesker, why hasn't your report been handed in?!"
"Believe it or not, that's Umbrella's intention."

"Wesker! Why do you smell like cheap booze?"
"It was Spencer's doing."

"Albert, you can't be stiffing waitresses on tips every time we grab lunch."

Without them he has nothing.

"Kunta kinte!"

"I uhh... think you misunderstood me... I... I didn't mention any 'things'. I think you're reading off the old script..."

"I'm only proficient at single person monologuing. You'll throw me off my game."

I'd like to point out the only way in here is through one of the token loud sliding futuristic lab doors found in every secret Umbrella installation ever built. Let's just keep that in mind.

"There will be no further redundant statements here, missy!"

I like how 90% of Wesker's villainy consists of him beating the shit out of women.

So Wesker's plan to manipulate Barry into...occasionally half-heartedly point guns at Jill... consisted of the following:

"Hey, Barry. I've gotta tell you something."
"I really work for Umbrella."
"Oh. Second job? That's rough. R.P.D. alone just isn't paying the bills. I work over at the J's Bar as a bouncer on weekends. Man, I tell ya..."
"No, shut up! Now, listen to me. I have orders to lure the team into a 'special' mission next week."
"Orders from who?"
"Umbrella is giving you orders?"
"That's right, now I'm going-"
"We're talking about the same Umbrella here, right? The Umbrella medical company. The brand I bought chewable vitamins for my daughter yesterday? That Umbrella."
"Yes. Now listen to me. You're going to help me with this mission or your better half and two lovely daughters might be in danger... If you catch my drift."
"Are you threatening me?"
"No, not me. But, Umbrella might not take it kindly if you refuse."
"The hell are they going to do? Spike my bottle of vitamins? Am I going to have to switch to Flinstones brand to avoid them?"
"Well... They've got men."
"Umbrella! They've got... Ya know... Guys... Big guys... With guns and stuff."
"Good lord!"

In short, it would be like me saying me blackmailing my co-worker by claiming I'm really working for Dell and we have a private army to protect our secret Positronic Brain AI. It's a hard sell...

It's going to take a godawful amount of retcons to answer that question...

This is all just a terrible scheme to one-up Jimmy Walker from back in grade school.

Sprightly young Albert brought in a baseball which, he claimed, he had caught during a home run hit in a baseball game he attended over the summer break.

Jimmy brought in a puppy. You can't compete with a puppy. Wesker has been bitter ever since.

Jill and Wesker look over to the capsule containing the Tyrant.

Pulsating cancerous lesions...

Outlandishly unkempt grooming habits...

A vital organ on the outside of the body...

Excellent dental care emphasized by a distinct lack of lips for no reason other than it looks, and I quote, "really mean and stuff"...

Ladies and Gentlemen: I believe we have our ultimate bio-weapon. By abysmal Umbrella standards of 'ultimate'

Tune in next time for... The Tyrant!