The Let's Play Archive

Resident Evil 1

by The Dark Id

Part 57: Episode XXXIX: Don't Fear the Reaper

Episode XXXIX: Don't Fear the Reaper

When last we left our heroes, there was three minutes left in the game. With that said, let's continue.

I guess that announcement PA was a bit behind schedule, as we're just now getting to the three minute countdown.

A short ride up the elevator later...

Waiting at the ready following Jill ascent is a portable flare launcher. What are the odds.

Jill launches that sonuva bitch up, hoping Brad just happens to be pointing in the right direction to see a flare in broad daylight.

Let's all just take a brief moment to thank that Bloom/HDR/Eye Rape Tomfuckery hasn't been invented in 1998.

Just as Jill is busy having her retinas burnt out, the elevator arrives at the top.

Rebecca and Chris step off.

"Barry? Where's Barry?"
"He's getting a little too into the killing monsters thing."
"He scares me..."
"We'll deal with Burton's homicidal tendencies once we get back to the R.P.D."

"You people sound like chapters from a self-help booklet."


And so our heroes are crushed beneath tons of falling concrete. The end.

What? That's not what happened? But... Gosh...

The pieces of concrete were apparently delivered so mighty a blow that they were knocked into orbit. How is this possible? The T-Virus did it or something <shrug>

"Sure hope Barry's okay."

"Why's that?"

"I mean...whatever's down there knocked the roof into the moon. It's gotta be pretty pissed."

"You're damn straight, Topher."
"Flying man!"

"Can the T-Virus make people fly?"
"The what, now?"
"The story is going to be a mess to explain back home."

"Bam, baby! Ya miss me?"
"Ugh. As if."

"Moses Pimp Slap!!"

"I'll get back to you later, Bouncy. Once I figure out this super circumcision thing. But, I guess I need to get my priorities straight."

"You think you get to escape me, Becky? I'm Billy FUCKING Coen. Death is just a minor fucking inconvenience for yours truly. Aww... Whatcha got there? A little pea shooter? Gonna shoot me again? Gonna aim reeeeeal hard.

"Just like you did with? What was his name? Edward? Aww. That made you cry. I could hear it over the radio. Boo hoo for poor Rebecca. Everything mean and bad is happening to her. Bwahaha! Go ahead, kiddo. Give it a shot."

"Bwahaha. Doesn't work so well anymore, does it? Aww... Who's gonna get you past all the scary monsters? What's gonna happen if a giant fuck-off bug decides it wants to make you its dinner?"

"Who ever is gonna save little Rebecca Chambers?!"

"Oh no! Look! She's out of ammo! If only she had someone around to make sure she didn't plink away her cache like a moron. If only Billy were here."

"Bwahaha. If only..."

"Hey, what's your problem? Leave her alone!"
"In a minute, Boy Wonder. I've got a monologue saved for you shortly."

"I said to leave her alone!"
"I said shut it, kiddo! I'm trying to hear her squeal. It's fun. You should try it some time. Not with this one, though. I'm busy with her."

"Leave her alone you dickless fuck!"

"You just had to go there, huh? Just had to point that out, Redfield? Just couldn't resist staring at my crotch, fagbot? Let me tell you something, shit for brains."

"I was a fucking tripod back in my day. You think I'm happy that I've got the circumcision from hell?"

"Fuafahk yoffou"
"What was that, Topher? I couldn't hear it between your girlish gasps for air."

<hack> "Fuhaaahk oow!"
"Come again. I'm not used to these ears."

"He said fuck you!"
"Hey! What did I say about the sass?! We'll see how big a mouth you've got after I shove my claw arm up your-"


"Oh! Oh holy shit! I've got shrapnel up my asshole! How am I! Fuck! How did I get that out?! I've got a three foot claw for a wiping hand! Fuck! FUUUUUCK! Fatass! Make yours useful and by attending to mine!"
"What's the matter, Billy? Does it hurt? Are you gonna cry? You need a band-aid? I am a medic."

"Oh, you little bitch!"
"Oh? Think this is funny, Topher? I gotta fucking punchline for ya!"

"It's called the faggot in the green vest gets his head torn off and a shit taken down his neck. Then he gets used as a bludgeoning tool to kill his sidekick. Then I go and find his mom and fuck her again!"

"Does that sound fucking funny?! I DON'T FUCKING HEAR YOU LAUGHING!!!"

Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion!

Bonus Content:

Tyrant Intro Cutscene: