Part 14: Episode XIV: Raging BullshitWelcome back. When last we left our heroine, she'd escaped from Rockfort Island. Sorry, no money shot of the explosion. Much like the armed assault off camera during the intro. With that said, let's finish this half of the game up...
Back on Rockfort, Alfred is back training for his dance off showdown with those jerks on Notspain Island.
He wacks a hidden button on the back of his golden tank from earlier, causing it to rumble forward.
I don't know, if I had my island set to self destruct, I'd be sure to stick my escape route under something other than a remote control tank... I'd also probably get the hell out of dodge before attempting to blow up the island. But, logic. No place here.
Alfred runs down a dim corridor.
Stop breaking the fourth wall, you jerk!.
Oh, Alfie. You fight the good fight.
Oh, for fuck sake. This nutjob can competently pilot a Harrier?! Or even owns a jet in the first place?!
Multiple jets?! What, did he have dogfights with his split personality?!
Alfie jets off to do nothing particular. At least, nothing sensible, like shoot down Claire and Steve. He mostly just flies circles and watches Top Gun for the next few hours while cruising on autopilot. That and masturbating to a young Tom Cruise.
Alright, jig's up. You can't really fly this thing, can you?
"By the way, we're giving Harrison Ford a lift. That could be it."
2+7 = 9
69 + Steve = Friday Night
Claire cautiously makes her way into the back.
Claire coming to the realization she just stepped in dog doddie.
Alright... Now, how in the fuck did this guy get on board here...? I mean, really. We're several miles away from land and took off from an underground bunker. He either had to swim very fast then leap a few hundred feet onto the plane, from the water. Following that, he would still need to open the cargo room hatch with his lump glove hands.
No, this fellow teleported onto the damn plane. Plain and simple. Wizardry is afoot and you know you have no possible explanation otherwise you can tell me.
"Yeah, I don't wipe after I poop. I've got gloves for hands! They don't make nothing for people with gloves for hands!"
Iron Mike decides he's no longer playing by the rules and erupts a claw from his kooky ball fists.
In such a tight spot, there's only one thing that could possibly save Claire at this point and bring her up to snuff.
A training montage...
Or, perhaps, blatant cheating...
"I'm a big fan of children's hospitals!"
Claire heads back in to the cockpit.
"You didn't hear any of that? I know it's a noisy airplane, but come on."
"Steve Buscemi was back there...?"
Suddenly, the remote control that had really been piloting this plane takes a violent shift.
Oh, Steve. Still trying to cover that you couldn't pilot a tricycle.
Alfred suddenly appears on monitor.
"Don't worry, though. I won't kill you in any sort of logical sense. Like drop you into the ocean or shoot you down with a missile. The pride of the Ashford family rests on my killing you through wildly ineffective means! Ta-ta."
This series has a knack for having its protagonists just being terrible at thinking up witty comebacks.
Gee, thanks Steve, for letting that guy go. You're just fucking swell...
T-078's true form. A very hamfisted boss encounter.
DIJ: Hero Mouse writes on this encounter...
Aww...rodent has a thing for Claire. That makes two of them, now.
And with that, we've completed the first half of Resident Evil Code: Veronica X!
Tune in next time for...
Part II - Antarctica