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Episode XXI: Chris Redfield Conquers the Martians

Welcome back. When last we left our heroine…she probably died horribly. With that said, let’s go take a look at what her brother has been up to…

Yes, Chris Redfield. The hero of the original Resident Evil returns. When last we saw Chris, yep… Resident Evil 3 epilogue.

He was dicking around checking out young blond tail… Yup. Two games worth of shit for Claire could have been avoided by a ten minute phone call.

“Huh, he cut off. Wonder what happened.”

Chris Redfield finally gets around to appearing in the game. It’s once more spooky nighttime, so at least at actually took a bit for him to make it to lower South America. That or they just didn’t feel like programming in a day time version of this place…

Chris loses his grip on a loose rock.

His pack of, what I’m assuming were supplies or perhaps a bag lunch and a Game Boy, falls into the waters far below. Well, at least there’s an excuse for Chris going Mega Man with his weaponry. That being deciding to scale a sheer cliffside with a duffle bag…

“Sorry for not noticing you were in any danger or making any manner of attempt to find me in the last half year and all, by the way.”

Chris heads into the small cave opening.

A rumbling paired with our old buddy the Gulp Worm greets Chris and immediately caves in the path he’d just taken.

Chris Redfield, huh? After losing the supplies and bag lunch he brought, he is left with only the bare essentials. Luckily, the item boxes are still stuffed with whatever Claire tossed in there. So, it’s not a problem, unless you were a jerk and took all the good stuff for her demise.

Chris heads further in.

Narrator is still alive? Wait. This island is still here in the first place? This must have been the worst self-destruct sequence ever!

“Yeah, she had one fine ass, I’ll tell you what. I wouldn’t mind getting a little overtime on that piece of meat. You know what I’m saying, dontcha? Hey, why are you looking at me like that…?”

“Yeah, it was the least I could do after capturing her and dragging her to this death camp in the first place. Again, there’s that look. What’s up with that?”

Rodrigo Juan Raval: The saddest little narrator alive.

Another tremor erupts.

“Think of the calories!”

What… No? No you mustn’t. “I set your sister free on the trap filled zombie island. Maybe she took a plane off”, doesn’t exactly cut it.

Fine, we’ll go rescue him.

Just up ahead is a small wall relief of Garrett from Thief. He’s holding a torch in his hand and demanding it be lit. Fire arrows don’t come cheap, ya know.

The prize? Why, a pair of Sub-Machineguns not wielded by an underaged moron.

Chris ducks into the nearby room. First, stopping at an item box at the end of the hall.

The Gulp Worm is cruising around out here. He attacks just as he did on the surface with Claire earlier. Difference is, you can kill him this time. The Bowgun with explosive rounds will down the thing in four shots, so that is highly suggested.

The Gulp Worm screeches and convulses before puking out good old Narrator.

Then keeling over dead itself.

Note: The following only takes place if you gave Rodrigo the medicine earlier and traded him for the lockpick. Otherwise, he’ll be dead when he’s spit out. He’ll also die if you run off like a puss and don’t come back for a while.

“We’ve already killed off half the cast. We can’t afford another casualty! I can’t carry this game by myself!”

“They were… *cough* They were sent to…another…another dimension…”

“Remember…r…remember to practice…to practice…safe sex…”

“So that’s what happened to that thing. That little bitch, I knew she took it. Forget this, I’m heading back home.”

“It’s just a zippo lighter… You can get one at a gas station for $15.00”

So ends Rodrigo Juan Raval. He died as he lived: subpar voice acted.

On the plus side, the male gender Resident Evil item is back in good hands.

If Leon were here, he’d be screaming “Rooooooooodrigooooooooooo!” and vowing revenge. I miss Leon.

Chris heads back in and appeases Garret’s demands.

Spiffy. I’d suggest taking either these or the AK-47 and a knife, if you’re hardcore. Chris will be getting a weapon that can allow him to shelve either, soon enough. But, better safe than sorry.

Chris heads back out to the cavern.

An elevator is nestled in the corner of the cavern. What? All dingy subterranean caves have, at bare minimum, an escalator these days.

Chris heads on up.

We’re back in the Burnside family dramabomb room. Good to see an elevator materialized in there.

The path leading into the building is blocked by an overturned barrel. Chris cannot be arsed to move it. Remember that lift from earlier that needed a battery? Yeah, there was a reason for that…

Chris heads back out toward the tank room.

Why do I sense this section is going to not only tons of revisiting, but cluttered with assorted:

Fuck you! XXX is (in the way)/(destroyed) and you’ll need YYY to reach point ZZZ which was earlier accessible.

Alfie’s fabulous tank still has the hatch open for the button to activate it, if you’ll remember the cutscene with him getting on the jet.

Heading down.

This leads to yet another sterile hallway. Chris first comes across an inaccessible manhole. Peachy.

Further along, Chris finds a few paths branching off this hall. But, most importantly:

You know, I don’t think I noticed Alfie shitting out a battery before taking flight. But, honestly, it doesn’t surprise me.

Unfortunately, if you’ll also recall, he had an emblem to make it through this door. If you’ll also remember, there was a second VTOL in there. Furthermore, Chris Redfield is an ex-Airforce man (yes, at 25.) Put all of that together and we’ve just found the primary goal for getting off this hellhole…again.

Chris turns to head back.


You know, the hairy ones of old were way scarier. Though, these are a deal tougher. I also discovered the Assault Rifle is bleeding useless against these buggers, as it took 20% of the clip just to down one. Coupled with it must be aimed downward which means right in chewing on Chris’ crotch range. The knife, conversely, takes three to four swipes to kill one. God, I love that thing.

Chris heads into the nearby room he earlier passed.

Another save room beckons. Tons of supplies and such around. There’s also a blue herb container, should you have been poisoned by the spider encounter.

Looks like Alfie was gearing up for the secret Volcano Fortress in the near future. I bet he had a cat he regularly pet somewhere. The inaccessible second floor of the mansion earlier?

Yeah. There’s a reason behind that.

In the corner of this room is a wholesale unnecessary little puzzle. But, it’s simple, so here it is:

There’s four drawers that can be opened. The bottom one is locked until the top three are opened in the correct order. Remember Alfie’s volcano lair portrait? It’s two screen up, scroll-up you prick!

Anyway, Lava, Forest, Sea, Earth.
Red, Green, Blue, Brown.

This nets a Luger Replica. What does this do? Unlock Steve in the Battle Game opened by completing the game. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m thrilled…

Chris heads back out to the previously deactivated lift.

One problem solved. A few dozen more to go…

At the top, Chris finds a Chemical Storage Key. My computer seems to have devoured the picture of that and I’m not about to go from Nosferatu all the way back here for a picture of a key. You seen one key, you’ve seen them all.

There’s also a file. Though, the physical one here appears to be design notes on the facility… Right…

Report: Enhanced Anti-Decay Alloy

“Deploid?! Whaaaaaat?!”

Emblem collection wasn’t enough. Now we’re moving on up to mixing chemicals. It’s just a non-stop trainride of action at this point, folks.

…Excuse me. It’s now emblem collection combined with chemical mixing.

Umbrella Incorporated, now is not the time to remind us you’re a chemical company. Thanks.

Everyone who’s ever played this.

Chris heads into the building.

A few steps later…

Italics denote singing, in this case.

Good to see Alexia has managed to clean herself up a bit. Complete with Victorian nobility outfit Alfie was wearing earlier. Chocker, gloves, pube filled panties, and everything.

Rex Dart: Eskimo Spy.

“Alfred, get your mouth away from there!”

Elsewhere in the facility.

“And on another continent! I am not good at this super villain thing…”

Wesker walks across the room to a nearby container.

“Birthday clowns…”

My cousin had one of those. It wasn’t very fun. This one hovers and flies off.

Wesker with an evil cackle as the scene fades out. His face still obscured, as he’s not supposed to be revealed yet. Whoops.

What horrors has Wesker unleashed upon an unsuspecting Chris? Why in God’s name are we back on this fucking island? Why won’t this game end? Learn this and more next time in Episode XXII: Battle in the Shades.

Bonus Content

Narrator buys the farm:

Wesker A mysterious new character appears:

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