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Episode XXII: Battle in the Shades

Welcome back, Commander. When last we left our hero, he’d come to Rockfort Island, which is wholesale too intact for having gone through a self destruct sequence, to find his sister, Claire. Also, Alexia is turning out to be just as batshit as her brother. With that said, let’s get going…

Right, then. We’re in the command room which Claire saw earlier (remember, with the cute little Albinoid report?) Which means this door, barring stupid wreckage, overturned boxes, or rolled over barrels, should lead to that perch with Alfie sniping. Which, if you’ll also recall, Claire stuck an emblem with one of those Halberd dealies on them in here.

Chris heads on out.

Oh, hey. It’s still here. It’s like something might finally go right with this game.

Oh, fuck you! This game… It’s like Japan’s revenge for the bomb.

The emblem slides further down the stream and disappears below. An electrical sound is heard there after. Chris heads across the balcony to the opposite door.

That was the hallway which lead to where we first met DIJ. But, that’s been destroyed. A handy hole in the wall leads to what’s left of scientist head crushinator room from way back.

While I’m here, I’ll mention one thing. See that zombie in the foreground? See that block on his back?

Shooting that makes it go boom. Explosives used on them from any angle will also make them blow-up, but that’s sort of defeating the purpose. Those are zombified members of Wesker’s crew. Since he’s a dick, he’s stuck C4 on their back. Should C4 explode when shot? Not at all. But, there you have it.

There is one very important item in this room. Another handy side pack. Why would a girl wearing blue jeans, a cut-off shirt, and a light jacket be able to carry just as much as a guy in a combat vest and fatigues? It’s Resident Evil, that’s why.

The room back into the scientist head smashing area is out of commission. I wonder if he ever turned into a zombie… Poor guy is probably stuck in there, crying softly in the one undead eye he has left.

Chris heads to the still accessible hallway leading to the main lobby of the MTF.

Well, there’s one problem.

And there’s another… The former more retarded than the latter by a healthy degree.

With little left to do, aside find some aspirin, Chris heads back to the command room.

Well, hopefully the elevator survived the world’s lamest self destruct sequence.

Chris rides down to the first floor.

If you’ll remember, this floor’s entrance was blocked by a…overturned, easily rolled barrel.

Let’s check out the side room.

Hordes of the undead? Meh. Gigantic poisonous biting spiders? Feh. Paintings of skeleton pirates? That’s where Chris draws the line.

Remember that file earlier stated the chemical Chris will undoubtedly need at some point just happened to match the facility completion date. December 8th. Keep that in mind.

Still missing that model tank. As well as the Alfred Ashford action figure. With three outfits to choose from!

Chris takes the elevator once more and enters the basement.

The scent of angst still lingers in the air. It smells vaguely of cucumbers. The raised ladder from earlier has, for one reason or another, lowered. First, let’s see what’s up ahead.

Diffusion? Who needs it?

Right then, the ladder leads down to a tidy little alcove with…what’s this?!

Heheh. Thank you, stranga. What’s the catch?

Oh…this fucking game! I swear, they powered the offices that made this by tossing newborn babies into turbines.

Chris can transverse the little canal. The opposite side leads up a ladder which comes to…

That inaccessible manhole from earlier. What is this crap? Resident Evil Survivor had hot manhole lid opening action? Too chicken to follow through, Code Veronica?

Chris heads back and opens the earlier door by the shotgun holder.

The dingy rotten sewer canal, of course, leads directly into a sterile laboratory environment.

Hey, this is where Iron Mike was released from. Unfortunately, those tasty Aunt Jemima waffles are inaccessible.

Moving right along, the doors in the lab lead out to the rather pointless turntable area from earlier. Only darker and less Bandersnatchery.

But this time, there’s a far large yield of door knobs. You know what? I don’t even care to know how that got here.

Just then, Wesker’s little Radio Shack novelty toy spots Chris grabbing with his knob.

We’re treated to a first person view of monster entry. There’s a difference between a homage to the first game and just using the same friggin’ thing again. What are we doing here, Capcom?

More reptilian vage than you can handle!

Meet the Hunters. These fellows have been, in one form or another, in every Resident Evil game to date, outside Resident Evil 2 (even then, they had a cameo in the N64 port.) Resident Evil 4 doesn’t count, shut your smarmy ass up before you even begin to say it.

The Hunters in this game are, well, less than impressive compared to their earlier counterparts.

The Hunters of old had one key point: an instant kill attack where they could make a quick leap and take your damn head off. The Hunters of Code Veronica lack such an ability. Well, they still have that attack, but only if their victim is in low health. Even then, there’s no head loss taking place, just like with the rest of the game. Thanks, Columbine.

Anyway, these guys can do two things. A close sweep attack and a mid range damaging leaping attack. Now the best way to deal with these fools?

Hunter, Shotgun. Shotgun, Hunter. Glad to make your acquaintance. Close range shotgun blast downs these guys in two to three blasts. The knife also kicks their ass pretty hard in two to three swipes, but you’re guaranteed to get hit at least once when doing so, so use at your discretion.

Right then, moving along.

Claire took a pit stop here earlier, but it was inaccessible for “hey guys, let’s have Chris come here later” purposes.

There’s supplies all over, but the only thing Chris needs to worry about is the freezer there.

Chris opens up the fridge.

“Juice… Purple stuff… Sunny-D! Alright!”

It’s the bright yellow, not prerendered one! For the love of God, man!

Remember that date on the model earlier? December 8th. Or 12/8. Or 12.8 degrees.

Watching liquids change color in the freezer. This game is pulling out all the stops…

Right, then. Chris now has half the whatsit to make the doodad and get the thingamajig off the emblem that fell down the hole before.

“Room service!”

Meet the Sweepers. Cleaners…Sweepers… Umbrella runs a tight ship. Anyway, these are more resilient poisonous Hunters. That’s about it. Yep… Purple too… Yeah, purple… Can’t forget the purple. Yep… Something interesting please happen soon!

Chris heads back to set the doorknob back to its home. Ditch the shotgun for a bit to save time. Chris will have it back in his hands soon enough.

Ah, yes. Those Scanner dealies of Wesker’s are now sporadically placed in assorted hallways. Running through their search lights not only sends Chris into Alert mode, but summons a Hunter or Sweeper to deal with as well. Most have fairly simple search patterns, so they’re not all that difficult to avoid.

Capcom: Making you earn the right to see a load screen for ten years and counting.

After all that, Chris retrieves…the little toy tank model.

Chris runs all the way back to the model of the MTF and sticks it in. All the while wishing he stuck it in that blonde from the epilogue rather than come to Bumblefuck to save her hippie sister.

The meta as shit picture of the room drags aside to reveal a few thing.

First, that Chris will have more backtracking to do.

Second, another file:

Secret Passage Note

“The toll fees are outrageous!”

So…sort of homely?

So nobody knows of the mansion atop the highest point in the island? Oh, Alfie. Still a card, even in death.

A secret message about a secret passage hidden in a secret cubby hole. This room is just meta as shit, I tell ya.

There seems to be a switch there as well. Unfortunately…there are lasers blocking the way. They demand three emblems… The same three emblems Claire busted her ass collecting earlier to get off this island.

Well, at least the turntable key is a start. Chris heads all the way back towards it…again…

Correct me if I’m wrong, but the RPD has been nuclear ash for about three months now. Why, exactly, is Chris still wearing his S.T.A.R.S. uniform?

This was when Wesker was originally revealed before the X/Complete addition of the game. It worked far better in the “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” sort of way having him show up at this point.

“Don’t you want to know why I’m still alive?”
“I’m looking for my sister. Claire. About 19 years old. Ponytail. Have you seen her?”

“I later realized it was actually Alfred. I’ve chosen not to speak of it since.”

“Err… No, I was asking ‘who’ in the ‘who the hell is that’ sense.”

“That was the other British guy with slicked back blonde hair, actually. Oh, wait. Right. This is the upgrade port. Yeah, that was me.”

Chris begins to raise his weapon at Wesker.

No, that isn’t my capture device sucking for once. He does actually move so fast he has a blurring trail behind him… Yeah.

Chris slams into the opposite wall. Why do I feel a boob stomp coming on?

“Ruin your plans how, exactly? By not getting killed by the same monster you did?!”
“I…I meant to do that. Yeah. It was all part of my plan.”
“Having a giant monster impale you with its claws was part of your plan?”
“It’s very complicated. I don’t have time to explain now.”

Chris with a strong right hook.

“Always wear a spare, just in case.”

“Yeah…that was my last one…”

“I don’t expect you to talk, Mr. Redfield. I expect you to die.”

A monitor flashes on across the lab.

Christ, this game has more villainous laughter than an episode of G.I. Joe.

The monitor immediately flashes off.

“You…you can’t out evil laugh me…you ruined the moment…”

Wesker slams Chris into a nearby container and runs off. He moonlights as Johnny Bravo at birthday parties and he’s late.

Oh shi—

Will Chris be able to dispatch this new menace his sister already dispatched a decent amount of earlier? Will Wesker let the insult of being out evil laughed stand? Why the fuck is Alexia flipping random monitor buttons and laughing into the camera? Find out none of this next time in Episode XXIII: Wesker’s Report Redux

Bonus Content

Albert Wesker’s return. Or, where the series jumped the shark:

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