Part 4: Episode IV: Hunted
Episode IV: Hunted
When last we left our hero, he got blindsided by a giant roast beef hand and his valve handle was stolen by the world's worst trash talking spy. With that said, let's get on with it...
We now have one of several, pointless, interludes where we play as Fong Ling. Fong Ling is identical to Bruce, other than she takes damage like a wuss. Like any standard issue female character should.
Her arsenal features the same silenced handgun Bruce recently picked up. As well as an assault rifle she apparently had shoved somewhere down her skin-tight leather pants. Neither are necessary, as she won't be firing a single shot on her epic backtracking journey.
Fong Ling takes a few steps forward, only to be ambushed from behind by a horde of zombies. So... I guess Bruce got eaten or something...? I mean, that's right from where he was standing and I would think he would have done something about or been detected by a half dozen zombies. Oh well...
Since they're all behind Spy Girl, she can just turn around and run to the next area. Zombies have spawned all over the place along the previous route. It's very perilous in the utterly repetitive sense.
What follows is a very dull retread with a different character model running around and slightly urgent music. So let's skip that...
See, no harm done. Other than the irreversible damage to my sanity by the constant seven second loop of symphonized music during the monotonous journey.
We are rewarded by yokel ass. Seems Bruce was literally right behind Fong Ling. Rendering that little section even more pointless than it already was.
Bruce is impressed by anyone who can read.
Actually, he's pretty lanky and did get knocked to the ground by a mild bonk on the head earlier. To make no mention of being beaten up by a girl half his size. Come back when you're exploding heads with your elbow.
Bruce proceeds to show off his brawniness by standing around watching the woman do all the work. Perhaps muttering a few 'yup's to himself.
Uh...guys. You do know they're standing at the end of the ship in a wide open space and that camera angle is literally impossible. Just sayin'.
Alright, who forgot to potty train the bishonen?
Morpheus will not let his dream of a magical land full of the pretty people and ponies and ice cream die with him.
Emergency Monster Spawner. Standard issue on all Umbrella cruisers.
Ever think the Hunters were just a bit too menacing? Deadly lizard people that can take a man's head off in a single bound?
These are some mean customers. One of the most fearsome the series has to offer, even. Did you ever think to yourself, "I sure wish Hunters looked and acted completely retarded."
Folks, Resident Evil: Dead Aim...
It's got your back...
Bruce McGivern's weird ass giraffe neck is not amused.
The Hunters proceed to moonwalk and sidestep about like they're getting ready to appear on the set of You Got Served.
"Don't stop to help or anything. We must get into that non-descript maintenance hole of no significance as soon as possible!"
"Isa gonna shoots me some varmits!"
Now, you may be saying to yourself that it's a bit early for Hunters, usually late game enemies, to already be introduced. Well, these aren't your standard issue Hunters. These are Hunters born to a crack addict Hunter mother who dropped her bastard Hunter child down a flight of stairs. As such, they hit like a pussy cat and have lost their instant kill attack.
They do, however, leap about like a spastic ancient Jedi muppet. Trouble is, all their attacks move in an oddly animated slowing down speed that it makes them an easy target at mid range. To make no mention of the fact most of their attacks can be dodged by just mashing X rapidly if they happen to be in range. Lastly, they can all be easily ran past, like any non-boss enemy. Except in tight corridors. In which case their AI tries non-stop, utterly unsuccessfully, to sidestep bullets constantly. Making them even less of a threat.
To their credit, they do give the finger upon death. For theirs is a hard knock life.
Bruce, satisfied with his handiwork, sets to return watching the woman struggle with turning a ridiculously oversized valve.
Pictured: Neither beauty nor brains.
Fong Ling doesn't do anything bitchy like shut the hatch behind her or anything. She just ducks below deck. Making her comment both meaningless and stupid at once. But, that's what Dead Aim is all about.
That stinker and her slowly walking away from our hero. She's such a rascal.
Speaking of stupid and pointless...
For being obsessed with beauty, Morpheus sure packed on a few pounds since the intro.
Uh-oh. Looks like Morpheus is pulling a Willie B.
We've switched Morpheus' mutagen with an industrial strength micro-battery. Let's see if he notices the difference.
Ladies and Gentlemen: The game is about to take a turn for the retarded...
Tune in next time for the single most ridiculous viral transformation in Resident Evil history...