The Let's Play Archive


by Various

Part 4: Continents

Chapter 3: Continents

Following yet another wave of re-enforcements, we find ourselves thus:

Initiative goes to...

Maudania! Twice in a row, you lucky bastard.

Daunted by his army's inability to penetrate Peru, General Googington orders a dramatic change in strategy by shifting his forces one territory over.

Paddling silently up the Amazon, Maudanian forces successfully infiltrated Peruvian territory. Approaching the capital, they found themselves face to face once again with a (predictably) re-enforced Smarmadonian line of defense.

Bitter at his repeated evictions from the territory, General Googington, without giving his forces time to rest or regroup, ordered them to charge headlong into the enemy's flanks.

Glorious Leader Smarms was momentary baffled. "Wait, you mean they're attacking from over there?

The Smarmadonians quickly found their skillfully dug mud trenches, prepared in advance to halt another predictable Maudanian assault from the north, were poorly oriented for defending from the east. Two Red Army divisions found themselves cut off, and were summarily obliterated.

"Kill the bastards!" bellowed Googington, seeing the first breach in what had seemed an impenetrable wall of defense, "Kill them all! With guns!"

Seeing his defenses overrun, Gen. Smarms hastily regrouped his forces in the forest, then ordered them to charge the attackers across open ground.

The Red Army smashed into the Mudanian left flank where Googington's men, momentarily stunned at the thought of having actually defeated somebody, were unprepared.

"Charge them! Stab! STAAAAB!" Googington shrieked, his shrill voice rising hysterically at the thought of another defeat, "Murder! Rape!"

Chaos spread throughout both armies as the lines dissolved into a grim melee of hand-to-hand combat.

"Raaaaaaape!!!" Googington howled, hopping up and down and waving his saber haphazardly through the air.

The sounds of battle began to fade, yet the rising cloud of dust shrouded the battle. Neither Googington nor Smarms could make out the victor.

Finally, the dust began to settle, and both men reached for their looking glasses.

In the battle for Peru, Maudania held the field.

Maudania Takes Peru!


Still cranky from having their naps so rudely disturbed by Smarmadonian invaders from the west, Clambodian troops launched a counterattack in hopes of securing some peace and quiet.

Red Army forces, themselves preoccupied with performing repeated bayonet thrusts into life-size effigies of Maudanian General Googington, were taken off guard and quickly dispatched.

Clambodia takes Western Australia!

Smarmadonian forces attacking west from Greenland easily overran their Jargonian opponents.

Troops on the journey over, however, could not help but notice a sizable Jargonian fleet sailing in the opposite direction. "Hm," said the Red Army commander casually, "I wonder where they're off to?"

Smarmadonia takes Northwest Territory!

In a move that will no doubt be regarded as both sneaky and underhanded, H.R.M. Balthor III deployed fresh troops to the remote Verdanian outpost in New Guinea with orders to conquer the as of yet irrelevant islands of Indonesia.

The Verdanians' attacked from all sides, with naval and marine forces quickly surrounded the region's main islands and isolating it's lone division of defenders.

Meanwhile, in completely unsurprising move in Africa, Verdanian forces, moving quickly so as to avoid developing hilarious South African accents, marched north towards the Clambodian stronghold of East Africa.

Clambodian troops, in a unanimous vote, agreed that the invaders could 'fuck right off'.

Manning their defenses, they were able to hold off the first wave of attack. Outnumbered, however, the defenders were eventually overcome, though not without taking a division of Verdanian troops down with them.

Seeing the chance to unite all of Africa under one flag, Balthor made a gamble to send his one remaining army in the region towards Madagascar in a long-shot attempt to eliminate the last pocket of Smarmadonian resistance there.

The Red Army defenders, ill-equipped, petrified, and suffering from inordinately high rates of syphilis, were overrun by the battle hardened Verdanian troops.

Verdania takes Indonesia, East Africa, and Madagascar!


Making the tactical decision to only bully around armies smaller than his, Chief of Operations Medibot launched operations (of which he was chief) against the poorly defended territories of Greenland and the Western United States.

Smarmadonian forces in both regions gave as good as they got, but in the end Jargonia prevailed.

Jargonia takes Western US and Greenland!

In a minor scuffle, Neo-Roman marched their troops from China to take neighboring Siam.

An estimated 5,000 howler monkeys were killed in the campaign.

Neo-Rome takes Siam!


A good round for some and an awful one for others. Both Verdania and Maudania achieved their long-sought goals of continental dominance, and it seems all but certain a showdown is brewing in Australia between the Verdanian and Clambodian armies. Historians will no doubt see the territorial gains of this turn as having been decisive, particularly if those historians are from Smarmadonia, which suffered a sever trouncing this time around.

Savvy tacticians will note, there are now three armies packing enough Risk cards to potentially claim a sizable re-enforcement boost. But will they? Stay tuned!