Part 17: Tetyth, Part 4Ladies and gentlemen, we are officially back in business.
Please enjoy your new update.
I didn't mention this before, but this area can be a little tricky. There's a certain treasure that can be collected if you follow the right steps, but if you take too long about it, the water level will rise. This won't kill you, but it will block you from the goodies.
In other words, you know how, when I was waiting for the bottle and the music sheet to show up, I spent the twenty turns just idling rather than exploring and getting things done?
Don't actually do that.
First, we head east from this screen.
All our valuables?
Did I stutter or something? ALL your valuables! Hand them over!
Are you insane, man? Do you have any idea of the kind of havoc that could wreak?
The inventory system was never meant to handle being completely devoid of loot! We could end up stuck in the Item Select screen forever!
Yeah, and that's the best case scenario! More likely, reality itself would implode!
Not to mention that my Diviner is crucial to the plot! If I lost it, it would change the course of the future in ways that could never have been accounted for!
You speak MADNESS, good sir! Madness and depravity! I will have no part of it!
Well done, everyone! I knew you had it in you.
What can I say? We learned from the best.
Oh, stop it.
From here, we climb the roof. Heading east will lead to a dead end.
A green chest? We don't see those very often.
There must be something extra special inside!
Only one way to find out, I suppose.
I can't reach it. There's some kind of invisible barrier in the way.
What are you doing?
Trying to shatter it with pure indignation.
Unfortunately there's no way to access this chest yet, so we just have to move on for now.
Oh for crying out loud. Didn't we just cover this? Look, my sword is an integral part of-
Don't care. I'm a nihilist.
Ouch. Four enemies at once, and two of them hammer bros? This almost looks like it could be trouble.
Fortunately, Ein and Fia using the Crystal Lance (plus a scythe attack from Serene) will make very short work of the front row, and a lone Gladiator is no obstacle for us.
Going east here will take us to the next area, which we don't want to do just yet. Dropping down.
Had we gone east two junctions ago, rather than climbing the roofs, we would have ended up on this screen. However, we'd be positioned on the lower left platform and there'd have been another barrier preventing us from getting at the chest, hence our roundabout journey.
A key? All that trouble for another key? They're stringing us along!
Well, it is made of pure gold. It's not like this isn't treasure in and of itself.
That's not the point. Putting a key inside a treasure chest is the worst kind of insult. Why have loot in a chest whose only purpose is to unlock more loot in some other chest? Why not just put THAT loot in the ORIGINAL chest and leave the key out of it altogether? Whoever did this was intentionally wasting our time!
...I guess I can't really argue with that.
I WILL NOT BE BEATEN, YOU CRAVEN TRICKSTERS!
Hmm. The Rusty Key opened the Rusty Door, the Crystal Key opened the Crystal Door...
I DETECT A PATTERN
Time for some backtracking.
Remember this screen? This is where we broke a golem and made two ladies sad. It's also got a very conspicuous golden door, and the golden key we picked up earlier just happens to open it! Fancy that.
Alright, let's just get all of this out of the way right now, shall we?
There are some who call me...Tim.
What...is your name?
No, Ecthe- AAAAARGH!
We are the Knights who say Ni!
FUCKING HELL BILLY HOW MANY TIMES DID WE REHEARSE THIS
That's no ordinary squirrel! That's the most foul, cruel and bad-tempered rodent you've ever set eyes on!
You can't expect to wield supreme power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
I beg to differ.
You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like. And then...spank me!
And me too!
And me, nya!
Yes! You must give all of us a good spanking!
This one isn't a skit, folks. I actually have to deal with this shit. Every day.
What...is the capital of Assyria?
I can say with some measure of confidence, ladies and gentlemen, that I do NOT weigh less than a duck.
What? I'm just saying I concur!
GET ON WITH IT!
Good enough? OK. Let's move on.
I wonder if the code from last time will work...
There we go. No problem.
As a magic expert, I can't help but be appalled. These two are breaking every single rule of golem passwords. Only using four characters, writing it down in an obvious place, having the same one for multiple golems...it's cringeworthy. Five'll get you ten that they didn't install a firewall either.
What does it say?
"Screw you, lady. We run Ubuntu."
The chest contains an Estoc, Elfin Bow, or Flame Whip.
so there you go let's go
You two again?
Sis, the villains are here!
I didn't think that Fool would lose. I underestimated you. But not this time, you group of bullies!
Lina isn't a bully!
Oh yes you are, you bully!
...oh my goodness.
Did she really just say that?
I've never heard such language!
Directed at us! She's talking about US!
I know! I mean, I can handle a few names, but that's...that's just going too far!
Great. You've actually made them cry. Are you proud of yourself?
What? But I...what? No I didn't! Not on purpose!
Look, it's OK, you two. She didn't mean it.
Some time later...
There now. All friends again?
Good. And Serene is very, VERY sorry. Aren't you, Serene?
That's Arc for "yes".
Now, what were you saying?
Oh, right. I nearly forgot.
BULLIES! I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL!
About friggin' time! Let's do it!
Hold on. We'll only be proving them right if we attack them.
Oh, come on! What is this, "Give-Serene-Blue-Balls Day" or something? They've been hounding us from the minute we arrived in this sorry, waterlogged excuse for a dungeon! How else are we supposed to settle this?
Well, since you ask...
You got seeerved!
Alright, fine. I see how it is. I guess we'll just resolve this with violence, as per usual.
The Red Sage is essentially just a stronger version of Fool, except that she's vulnerable to ice rather than fire. She's also none too strong against lightning, which means that the Tempest Bow will completely wreck her shit.
Unfortunately, Fia targets a random enemy when she uses it, so in order to guarantee that we hit our mark, we'll have to deal with those imps first.
Burning Sun and Einjerhar do nicely for this purpose.
Alright, Fia. It's been entirely too long since you made a significant contribution to a battle. Serene and Lina have been totally showing you up throughout this whole chapter. You gonna stand for that shit? Are you? DAMN RIGHT YOU AREN'T! Now let's see what you've got!
And I do believe you ordered a side of Disaresta to go with your utter ruination?
Bon appetit, motherfucker.
The Red Viper is basically the same as the Blue Bomber (the item we received from Blue Fool) except that Cierra uses a fire attack rather than an ice attack. Nothing special. Still getting tossed.
Sis...we can't do it...
Let's give it up.
But then everyone will be torn limb from limb...
What? We wouldn't do that!
Most of us wouldn't do that.
Don't be tricked, Fool! They're Sprites! They eradicate everything!
No, you're wrong. We don't want to fight.
The hell we don't! What's with this pacifist crap all of a sudden? You guys used to be cool!
Will you let us go, then?
EIN IS A DICK: OK, you're not going to believe this.
First of all, Ein will actually kill the two of them if you choose the second option. The game doesn't "But Thou Must" you into letting them live.
Secondly, he makes absolutely no apologies for it. In fact, he doesn't even say anything. Without a single word, he just steps forward and kills the Sage, then runs the other one through while he cries for his sister. It's a seriously brutal moment in an otherwise light-hearted game.
Thirdly, and this is the big one; you get more points for killing them than you do for showing mercy. Three times more.
Mind you, points don't actually matter, and I'm pretty sure you'll end up upsetting everyone if you play it like this. Yes, even Serene. So we're going to spare them anyway. My heart isn't THAT black.
As long as you don't cause any more trouble, sure, we'll let you go.
ARE YOU SHITTING ME?! YOU ARE SHITTING ME! I AM BEING SHAT!
Well, I don't think they're bad, exactly. Just...misguided. And kind of dumb. And really, really annoying.
When have those ever NOT been good enough reasons to kill someone?
You're really going to let us live?
Unless there are any objections...?
Not at all.
I don't mind.
That settles it, then. Go on, now.
...thank you. I'm sorry for all the names I called you.
Let's go home, Fool.
(See, this is why I stick with you. Because I know you really are a good person, deep down. I'm so proud of-)
What, that's it? They just...leave? Where's my treasure?
(What do you mean?)
I'm supposed to be rewarded for my altruistic act! You lied to me, Rose!
Come back here and take your medicine, you gauzed-up bastards!
Alright everyone, get re-
...feeling better now?
If you screw this up, you lose a chunk of HP and get dumped into a room with an empty chest in it. Just to add insult to injury.
OK, here's how this area works.
You spend three screens climbing a statue. On each of them, you have the chance to enter Look mode and examine it. Doing so results in HILARIOUS MISUNDERSTANDINGS in which Ein feels up the statue and pokes around in its intimate bits, supposedly for completely benign reasons, and the girls interpret it as him being a bit of a sleazy degenerate.
The scene's actually pretty amusing in its own right, so I don't feel like I'd really be accomplishing much by changing it. Furthermore, everyone's affection takes a serious nosedive if you do it, which we don't want.
So, rather than covering it here, I will instead link you to a video containing the PSP version of the scene. I'm sure you've all been wanting to put voices to our beloved band of misfits anyway, and now you can!
(Just listen to that goddamn creepy sniffing noise Ein makes when he's feeling around. No fucking way is he innocent.)
We are doing something a little bit different, though. If, before you jump, you examine the statues one screen forward, Ein will note that the forehead is shining. Then, once you reach the top screen, rather than getting an affection drop for examining the statue, you'll instead receive...
Here, Serene. I think this is yours.
Mine? I've never even seen it before.
Oh. I just thought, what with you being an angel and all...
You can't seriously expect an affection boost for THAT.
Oh, and about the book.
Obviously, if you pick one of the girls' pages, you'll get an affection boost from the girl in question. However, there's another factor to consider. When we get back to Elendia, we can give the page to Claude. If we chose Ein, Fia or Cierra's page, we get a special magical scroll that can be used in battle. If we chose Lina or Serene's we get diddly squat.
That being the case, we're going to go with Ein's. See the earlier video for the outcome of this!
OK, I'm all done copping out now. Let's get a move on.
Two strikes from the Flame Whip followed by a Disaresta ends this battle before it even begins.
You know, Serene makes a good point here. Why ARE these books so huge? It's never really explained. Unless the Tetythians were all gigantic, wouldn't bedtime reading have been just a wee bit inconvenient? Not to mention the matter of actually writing them that way in the first place.
All of this just lends more credence to my theory that Sting is telling us that people evolved from dragons, and it hasn't become any less silly since the last time I brought it up. Tell us this, Sting. If people EVOLVED from dragons, how come there are still dragons? HUH? Got an answer to that?
Didn't think so.
In any event, searching these shelves nets you the "Valdes Scripture" item, which just happens to be the last piece of loot we're able to squeeze from this place. That's our cue to leave, then.
Who are you?
I'm Ein, a Grim Angel, and I'm here to...
...oh, sorry. You're obviously not a demon. I must have the wrong room. Excuse me.
...huh. Well that's weird. Where are we supposed to go to fight the boss? I didn't see any other paths.
(Are you sure that wasn't her?)
Oh, come on. What would an angel be doing summoning demons into Riviera?
(It couldn't hurt to ask, at least.)
Uh, hi. Listen, sorry to bother you again, but you wouldn't happen to be...
Ohhh! OK. Looks like I had the right place after all. Boy, am I embarrassed.
IN THE NAME OF ASGARD YOU SHALL ATONE FOR YOUR SINS
Viddler-type boss battle | Dailymotion-type alternative
Ein and party sealed the Accursed and escaped from Tetyth.
The city no longer stood as it once did, but only reflected the empty days that passed by.
On the way back to Elendia, Ein would cross paths with a familiar face...
(Only one Accursed left. Things are going pretty well.)
Yeah. Hard to believe that it's almost over.
So, you're alive after all.
(It couldn't be...)
Should have known it was too good to last.
I suppose I'm obligated to find out what the hell you think you're playing at. Why are you working with the enemy? Was "I NEED THAT BITCH ICED" not a clear enough indication that Ursula is not on our side?
We have to activate the Retribution. Return to your post. It's not too late.
...it's not that simple, Ledah. I-
WELP I tried my best guess I'm just going to have to take care of it alone BYE
(What a touching reunion.)
I guess this was bound to happen sooner or later.
(It must be difficult, knowing that you might have to confront him.)
What? Hell no. I'm totally awesome now. I can't WAIT to kick his ass. We'll see how much he mocks me when he's on the wrong end of a Disaresta, the smug prick.
(...you know, I'd protest, but I suppose it's nice to know that you aren't going to get all angsty on me.)
Saint Scepter: One-shot boss weapon.
Effect: 99% HP restoration.
Target: All allies.
Additional: Removes negative status effects.
Effect: Single Magic attack, power of 747.
Target: Back row.
Wait. When you say "blue balls"...that IS just a figure of speech, right?
None of your damn business.