The Let's Play Archive

Riviera: The Promised Land

by Didja Redo

Part 43: The History of the Arcs, Part 2


Part 2: Military Record

Surprisingly, despite their infamously bloodthirsty nature and prizing of martial prowess above all else, the Arcs have only ever been involved in a single war. However, this is mostly because it doesn't really count as a "war" when your enemies surrender before you even have the chance to invade them.

The one war in which they did participate was an extremely brief one, ending after a single battle. A firsthand account of the events is provided by excerpts recovered from the journal of a cleric, who resided in the defending nation at the time.


...and as the dreadful, black-winged creatures descended upon our fair land, I, the high priest of our most sacred temple, did commune with our god, that he might grant us his favour in the coming battle. And as I prayed, a blinding light did shine from the heavens, and I wept in awe as I beheld the radiant visage of our god. And as I knelt before him in reverence, I heard his hallowed voice, and it spoke thus:

"Listen. I don't normally do the whole 'avatar' thing, but you folks have been pretty cool about worshipping me and stuff, so I figure I owe it to you to just come right out and lay this on the line.

These people can choke grizzly bears to death with their bare hands. I'm not exaggerating. Every single one of them is descended from a woman who, as her very first act in the world, strangled a fucking bear. Some people cry, some people suck on their mother's tit, this chick strangled a bear.

She also went to some amount of trouble to ensure that her children were able to strangle bears. She was very fussy about that particular point, I believe. In fact, as I recall, she swore to disown and execute any son or daughter who wasn't able to do it, although that never really became an issue because none of them ever failed.

Anyway, the important thing is, you are up against a horde of bear-stranglers. I realise I'm harping on that issue a bit, but under the circumstances, I feel that it needs to be driven home.

Also, those scythes? They can cut three armoured men in half with one swing.

So I don't know what you think you're going to do with your pretty swords and feathered helmets and shit, and I don't know what you expect ME to do other than tell you to start running, because you are so completely fucked. So completely fucked.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna split. I don't know if these things have worked out how to kill gods yet, but I'd rather not stick around to find out. Blessings upon you, and all that. Adios."

And lo, the people did despair.

After the ensuing rout, the (few) survivors acknowledged their utter defeat and raised the white flag. Since then, every nation in the known world has pre-emptively surrendered to the Arcs just to be on the safe side, which technically makes theirs the largest empire that has ever existed.

Unfortunately, being almost as dangerous to themselves as they are to other people, their race isn't nearly prolific enough to occupy so much territory. Despite owning most of the world, the vast majority of the Arcs choose to continue residing in their homeland of Rosalina Island. Only one instance of organised emigration has ever been recorded, when a small group of Arcs banded together and set sail in the hopes of colonising one of their new lands.

Upon receiving word of the Arcs' approach, the country was promptly evacuated.