Part 23: Back Alley Deals, Carnival Shows and Pig Races, Oh My!Howdy, folks, and welcome back! Last time, on Secret of Evermore, we defeated the vile Aquagoth, ending our time in Antiqua. We popped into the next area of Evermore, Gothica, where Zach has been turned into a poodle. Today, we're going to hit the next town and do a bunch of stuff, so let's boogie.
I missed something on this very screen, so I'll come back next update to show you what it is.
Gotta be a new goddamned record for me having missed something.
On the next screen, we encounter the first of our new enemies for this area.
The Hedgadillo has 90 HP, gives out 180 EXP and 10 gold coins (our new currency. They're pretty tough, defensively speaking, so alchemy is pretty great for taking them out. Or Zach, but he's good for taking out most things.
Blue Goos also populate this screen, same as they were back in Antiqua.
I missed something around here, too, but we'll get it next update. For now, let's pop into the town.
...Oh, hell, what is this happiness crap?
There's a mini-market here, with some interesting stuff.
Eh, some of them do. I've got pretty much all I need to get everything.
Unless I can get a shotgun or something, I doubt it.
I'm not sure if I want to see what a man with that name qualifies as oddities.
Well, hell, I'll take one. I'm always up for a show.
Yeah, we'll get to that. First, we're going to explore east and north and grab some treasures.
300 didn't indicate the Oracle had a bone...
This is up for debate. There's one use that it's confirmed for, but my sources tell me that it doesn't do shit beyond that.
I'll fork 'em over, mostly because I have no other use for them.
Interestingly enough, oracle bones were also used in Chinese divination, which were pieces of turtle shell and bone. If you're curious, the Wikipedia article is here.
We're going to need a shitload more than 170 coins.
That's better. Still not enough, but better.
No I won't!
If we hadn't gotten the Cloak back in Antiqua, we could grab it here.
Does anyone else think this sounds odd? Ah, Christ, the queen is going to be evil, isn't she?
And I see no way this can go wrong. Or maybe there is and I can't think of it.
That's a good way to get me to an event.
This festival sounds awful. If a pig race is the big thing going on...
My sources have found me an exclusive picture of the queen:
Let's get in here and see what's shakin'.
I'm sure that's the same pattern in your bathroom; it's not that impressive.
That's a bit more impressive. And a little Harry Potter.
Acorns will be used in three formulas, one of which is kind of useful, one of which I don't give a shit about, and one of which that could be useful.
We also snag 20 coins.
What is with this game and having weird things going on to the west?
I don't even know what to say to that.
However, now I'm concerned we're going to have to get a pig. Maybe I can alchemy one up and race it.
Oh, my God, spotless!?
This news is so shocking, I have to break into this house.
Imagine that, a ruler enjoys that her people is happy.
I hope the next world is one where everyone dresses like Marty McFly.
Somehow, it's not quite as satisfying when I have permission to take these things.
...How the hell do you know I'm on a journey?
AND HOW DO YOU HAVE USELESS SHIT IN YOUR CHESTS GODDAMN
Damned bullshit in this house. I'm out.
If she was executing people left and right for petty reasons, you'd bitch. She's too nice, you bitch. I bet she could hold nightly screenings of classic movies and you'd still bitch!
Well, he's probably dead.
One's dead and the other is an evil twin.
No reason for this shot, other than I think that statue looks pretty bitchin'.
It doesn't strike me as particularly festive, but if you say so...
Let me write that on my list of places we'll end up visiting...
And let me write that on my list of places we'll end up exploring...
Oh, we will be. Our current equipment, while kickass for the last area, is sorely outdated by now.
I'm sure that there's a good reason.
And this might have something to do with it. Or maybe not and people just got over the novelty of a giant chessboard.
You're about five. Nobody gives a shit about what you remember, because you don't remember anything important.
I captured a lot of dialog in this update. I don't usually do that.
If I can get some betting in, maybe this won't be so bad.
Not yet, but I do have a ticket!
...I should choke you with this ticket.
And what did you think?
I thought it was the feel good exhibition of the year...
Yeah, I'm probably never going to use Clay again...
And let's go up a level, to the next part of town.
Actually, bud, I'd probably be good to go. I've got Crush.
...I wonder if I could Crush a dragon...
The Inn and store are one building, but let's see what he has for sale.
Fun fact: this is bullshit.
On sub-par crap? You're probably right.
We'll get one of these for free later, and the other stuff, I can find better versions of it on the west side of town.
On the other side, we can stay at the Inn for 40 coins, but we don't need to at the moment.
But we do need this Brimstone. I still have plenty of bad guys to light on fire.
So I've heard.
Hmm. This isn't the first time we've heard of someone being obsessed with cleanliness...
Inside, we find another person who thinks the queen is acting odd.
You might be thinking that if the queen loves cleanliness, a pig race would be a no go for her, but pigs are actually pretty clean animals.
They do roll in mud frequently, yes, but that's to help them keep cool. Pigs don't have sweat glands.
And I think that's enough trivia to qualify this LP as informative.
Don't worry, we'll kick the--
Or maybe she will. Or she'll hire someone (i.e., us) to do it.
Which I'd be okay with.
Your brother has a name? Must be important.
Good luck when you get there!
Mayhaps he has some of these treasures for sale? I like treasure.
...Oh. He's one of those adventurers.
Well, in that case...
Just two? Hell, this isn't even worth stealing! I'm getting out of here.
You're lucky you weren't robbed, man. I was close to doing it.
Like in every other house!
Like in every other house.
...Every other house?
Hey, if you know how to get to Podunk from here, that'd be great.
You don't, do you?
C'mon, new sword!
Your name is Lance, you named your Alchemy Lance, and it is used to stab the shit out of things with a big lance.
It only costs 1 Iron and 1 Acorn, and I'm not sure how the hell that works, but hey, whatever.
Lance is about equal to Crush, except that Crush is already leveled up a bunch. That, and there's something about Lance I just don't like. It doesn't feel like it has enough oomph to it.
Lance also sells ingredients, and the only new things are Iron and Acorns, both of which I stock up on.
And this is our reward for not being dirty thieves.
We have a new merchant, a new alchemy formula, and we still get the stuff. It's kind of a dick move, considering the other houses let you take their stuff without any repercussions, and how most RPGs, you're going to do the same thing.
Ah, this motherfucker. It's good shit.
As is this! For different reasons.
Anyways, the Vest is a massive boost over our old armor.
Alright, that's enough of bothering Lance and his family.
*jots that down*
Though, I'm sure it'll be on the path to wherever we have to go, so I bet we can't miss it.
No! Jesus, find something else to talk about! Just because I went up a set of stairs doesn't mean I forgot about the chessboard!
Someone in the thread mentioned that this part of the game really ramps up the mazes, and they're not bullshitting.
We'll be seeing a shitload of mazes for the next long while.
Why, yes, it is. Tell me, dear, where do you keep your treasure?
...Oh, you're not rich dicks. Neat!
Uh...I don't even know what to say.
I guess maybe TV was introduced to this world?
Once again, I'm not even sure what to say.
Assume I made a joke about how plumbers don't wear ties and let's move along.
To the insane man himself!
And now to
I haven't even left this town yet!
Be careful; there be dragons.
The other chest is some more Ethanol, which we can't carry.
There's a room in this house that we can't reach from the inside, so we've gotta sneak in the back.
Alright, with that done, we can hit the west side of town and see what's shakin' over there.
Yeah, you guys are all about pig races, I know.
Do we eat the winning pig afterward?
I'm sure it was just a cow fetus in a jar. Relax.
Which is true! We're about to grab some real solid stuff.
Not this update!
Don't worry, we'll figure it out. And possibly kill her in the process.
Ugh. Fake nice is the worst nice.
Yes, you do. He offers us three choices, of head, chest, or arm armor. We've already got good chest armor, so let's check out a helmet.
This is also why you don't want to barter the Amulet salesman down in Nobilia. You'll still need them.
However, you'll notice I'm now criminally low on money. I have to go fix that.
Which I did off-camera. I also scored a Chocobo Egg from this alley, for nine Beads and nine Perfume, which increases HP by a flat 45. I only gained one level while getting my money.
I got just enough money to buy what else we need.
Yes, I am. Let's see what our new armors do for us, shall we?
This is the only one we don't have (except the Magic Gourd, but that does nothing, so I don't care about having it). I get this to get the next item.
And with this, mosquitoes and spiders will leave us the hell alone! We can kick their asses still, but they won't come bug us now.
We don't have much choice now.
Except to dick around some more.
...Oh, this is a carny town. Now it's all coming together.
I'm not going to say no.
Excellent. Soon, nobody will know our identity...
What about my dog? Do you have any poodle beards? May as well make it a dual-gimmick show.
Alright, let's go learn about this Exhibit of Oddities. I'll admit, I'm curious.
His cane is really what makes this little speech. For me, at least. It's just so out of place with the rest of his outfit, it's ridiculous.
And we'll head right that way next update!
Stay tuned, folks! Same LP time, same LP channel!