Part 12: Episode XII: The Sewer That Killed My ComputerEpisode XII: The Sewer That Killed My Computer
You know, it is a bold move to introduce a pair of protagonists for the opening couple of hours of a game only to kill them both off out of nowhere and shift gears from occult intrigue to a spy thriller. But Shadow Hearts plays by its own rules.
The Alluring Spy leaps off the roof. She has very sturdy legs.
Ugh. H-hey now Whats with the big boom alla sudden
<looks around> Whoa! Lady, I can see your
Good, youre alive. Thank God the bomb I designed to SAVE people didnt end up killing them!
Still... getting a real show here lady... Kinda just got blown up... This is on you...
Anyway, I hope you got a good look, sonny boy. Just think of it as my apology.
...Ill take it.
<walks over to Alice> And how are you feeling, Miss?
Im Im all right.
Alice, you get a free show if you lie around for a minute...
I dont think it is your concern.
Alice and Yuri pick themselves up. As they do, a couple of Japanese soldiers run onto the scene down the alley.
Theyre the people from the radio!!
Wait... I thought we were after only the one white woman.
There are two white ladies here.
Err... What was the description again?
Caucasian, slender build, light color hair, wearing a short dress... Err... Again... Theres two of em.
Hmph. Ergh... This is above our paygrade.
Call for reinforcements!! H-hurry, we gotta inform the Captain!
The two soldiers run off.
Hee hee! So theyre after you too, are they?!
Us?! Were not bomb-toting terrorists, ya hear? Jeez, lady, my ears are still ringing!
Dont worry, thatll clear up. Now then, Ive got to get out of here before they get back, but What are you going to do? I cant baby-sit, but you can come with me if you want.
Where? The street you blew up or the other part of the street you blew up?
Id call it more of an alley, but...
<walks to already open for some reason manhole> Okay, Im going on ahead. See ya!
The Alluring Spy peaces out into the sewer. You think she put a small explosive beneath the manhole to blow it off giving her a quick Plan B exit?
Yuri, did you hear that radio broadcast?
Yeah, sounds like theyve blamed you for the attack on the train last night.
Yeah... You heard the same broadcast as me. We just got chewed out by that old hag shopkeeper.
Right... I just had an explosive go off near me. Forgive me for being a bit out of sorts.
Dont worry. Im your accomplice, after all.
I did splatter two or three monster heads and punch out a wizards eye. I can take the blame for SOME of the mess.
Wait a sec, we cant stand around chatting! Lets move! Looks like we can get out through here, like that woman did.
Ugh... I cant believe Im already roped into a sewer level...
Before we head down, the bombing knocked loose a Lottery Ticket in a random spot in the alley. Well need to hold on to that for later.
No avoiding it. Our only option is going forward into a sewer level. At least theyre getting it out of the way early...
Music: ENDS. Sound of stock water flowing begins.
Narrow side paths, a canal in the middle with muddy flowing water, narrow bridges over said canal, straight line corridors and a ladder or two. Yep... This sure is a sewer level. Thankfully, its a very short one by JRPG standards. Before we get on our way, you see that small staircase? The one leading into the raw sewage? If we have Yuri inspect that, we find...
Ive got some bad news about those granules of gold you just found in that sewage hourglass...
As we all know, the various subterranean waste canals the world over are host to all manner of unseemly characters in the best of times and an unwavering nest of man-eating monsters in all other cases. Fengtians sewers are no exception...
Music: Brain Hopper
Mutant Frogs make their home in these particular sewers. Ones with tendencies to smack anyone that comes their way with their err... tongue hands. Now does a hit with tongue-hand constitute a slap or a lick? Maybe a... slick? Slaick? Regardless, these hits can cause the Poison status effect at random.
They can also lickap Yuri or Alice in a specific gross way to cause a random Ring Abnormality if theyre feeling really saucy.
Other than that, theyre not too substantial a foe. Especially with our new weapon load-out. Even Alice is able to bop a Mutant Frog in a single combo. Yuri has em beat in at most two strikes.
The far more troubling mob are these jerks. Hey, remember the monsters from the Plains? Well theyre back with a new coat of paint and in greater numbers.
Fire Bats in particular are a real pain in the ass because, as the name might suggest, they can shoot Fire Balls doing a not too bad 6-12 HP of damage. The more annoying part is they have high Agility so they get more turns/initiative over our party and they ALL do nothing but Fire Ball, which is about an 8-10 second animation. Which might not sound so bad but look, I dont want to see any lame lengthy casting animations that give me flashbacks to Koudelka, alright?
New Music: Ghost Jogging (Doubt well hear this much, so listen to an anxiety attack now.)
...have her become Berserk. VIOLENTLY! Berserk gets its own music track to know youve done fucked up and better fix it immediately. I briefly mentioned what Berserk does earlier, but lets see it in action. We completely lose control of anyone who is Berserk, naturally. What makes this status really suck and to be avoided at all costs is the following...
Theyll waste our consumables! That Elixir equivalent youve been hording the entire game JUST IN CASE? Berserking character wont give a fuck! Yuris down 9 HP. Top him off! Top the enemy off! Fuck it!
Theyll also do other assorted stupid shit like buff or heal the enemy and generally waste MP on frivolous junk. Set their allies on fire. Fuck it! YOLO! Needless to say, were gonna avoid Berserk status if it can ever be helped.
One final note: Sanity Points dont just stop at 0 SP and start the Berserk status. They keep going down into negative SP if the condition is not treated and the Berserk character keeps getting turns to be a huge crazed dingus. Friends dont let friends stay Berserk.
Music: END. Back to water flowing.
Theres a couple more monsters in the area. But well see em soon enough. In the meantime, there is a treasure chest to loot. I bet whatever Fengtian native stuck this down here thought they were being really clever with their hiding place. Whod look around in a sewer? The FOOL!
All thats in here is the second tier of Sanity Point restorative. These dont start showing up in shops for several areas, so its nice to have an early sampling. It only restores 7 SP but thats usually more than enough for a single fight.
To progress, we actually need to double back around the canal and reach the other side to that hole in the wall. Jumping across a sewer waterway is unthinkable. What if poo water got on Yuris coat? Scandalous. When we reach it, we find...
Is something there ?
Another monster ?
<crackle knuckles> One way to find out...
The puppy from earlier bounces out.
G-Goddamn it, dont freak me out like that!!
The little runt got lost in here, and now he cant find his way out! Hah! How dumb! <laughs>
Tee-hee! Just like us, no?
Stupid dog! Ya making me look bad!
A-anyway, Alice! Were off! Forget about the dog.
But we cant just leave it here! Lets take it to the exit with us, at least.
Hey, suit yourself, baby! I sure wish someone would take US to the exit
Dont blame me if you get fleas.
Dont be mean. You dont have fleas, do you?
Bark! Bark! Bork!
Just sayin, it IS a sewer pup...
Gunshots are heard.
Alice scoops up the puppy and the two run in the direction of the shots.
OK, maybe they dont immediately run in the direction of gunfire. If we inspect the hole the puppy was hiding in, we find yet another Lottery Ticket. What a lucky puppy. OK, now about that firefight...
Its that woman !
Oh Asleep again, eh? Heh heh heh What should I do? <laughs>
You know, like that one time yoergh. Never mind!
She isnt... dead... right?
I dunno. Sure aint gonna be able to tell from the smell down here.
<shakes head> Good heavens, shes out cold. Im sure she wouldnt mind if I just
<jumps back> Whoa!! Youre awake?!
And youre a bit of a creep, huh?
The spy picks herself up off the ground.
Arent you going to help me up with an Are you all right, fair lady? and a smile?
B-but, you obviously dont need any help
<shrugs and shakes her head> I never imagined thered be monsters roaming the sewers. I guess even I can slip up sometimes.
...Thats like the only thing that is ever roaming in sewers, lady. That and weird information broker hobo villages.
Yes, well... I thought perhaps China would be different, is all!
That was almost the end of my epic saga! If the press were to lose me now, theyd be positively crushed. Ow! Ouch.
Are you all right?
<laughs> Yes, Im fine. Thanks. Oh, youre the two I met before, arent you? The terrorist boy and the mysterious girl.
YOURE the terrorist. Were just a couplea helpless murderers.
Hell, I think Im only vague accomplice to miss Rail Tracer over here, right now.
Could we please stop bringing that up?
Terrorist?! Dont lump me together with those barbarians! Im a spy. S-P-Y. Get it? A ravishing beauty that just happens to be Miss Spy Genius.
But you did just set off a bomb in a public place, right?
Yes. But the reasons for it were much more complicated than mere pedestrian terrorism.
...Dont think that one is gonna hold up in court.
The names Malkovich. Of course, Malkovich is only my CODE name. Say, tell you what Ill let you in on a secret, sonny boy: My real name. A little thank-you for coming to save me!
Look, I didnt come to save you. And you dont have to tell me your name.
Yuri begins walking off.
The hell is a telephone number? Look, I aint big on math.
Little bit of a bumpkin, huh? I could educate you.
<turns back> Jeez! I got it, already! Okay, so whats your name?
You wanna know THAT bad, huh? My, my! I cant keep them away with a stick!
Fine, forget it. <starts walking away again>
H-hold on! All right, all right. Here goes. My real name is...
Meet our fourth party member: Margarete Gertrude Zelle. Who you might know better from history as Mata Hari. Dont worry much at all about the historical Margaretha Geertruida MacLeod/Zelle. Shadow Hearts version may as well just be Nina Williams from Tekken with the martial arts replaced with more guns.
Nice to meet you both. You wont regret having me on board!
About ten seconds after this line I saved a recording of footage and my computer blue-screened as several components of my PC decided now was the time to die. Shit... You called it, Yuri! Well done...
Margarete Gertrude Zelle Status Art Id comment, but my computer is on fire.