Part 8: The Inn of the Giggling Donkey

Hello everyone. This is going to be a weird update. I'm also going to preface this with something that might stand out, a content warning. Usually you'd think that clicking on a South Park thread would be content warning enough, but the punchline to several "jokes" in this is "lol rape." Consider yourself properly warned.

This update is the longest one in the LP yet by a fairly wide margin. But it does take us to the end of Douchebag's first day in South Park. Are you guys ready for some shit to go down? Let's get the Stick of Truth back!

Video:

: There it is. The Inn of the Giggling Donkey.



: Paladin, are you sure the Bard is hiding out in there?
: That's what Twitter says.



: CARRIER RAVEN, Butters!
: So-sorry, that's what the carrier raven says.
: Craig and Token, guard the back door. Butters, Kenny, Sir Douchebag... let's go inside.





: Stay close, Sir Douchebag. The Inn of the Giggling Donkey harbors the scum of all Zaron.



: A glass of Meedlewine, please.
: No Meedlewine today, only Fairy Ale.
: A pint of Fairy Ale, then.



: So... has uh... anyone seen the Bard lately?







I never understood this trope, to be honest. Someone asks a seemingly-innocuous question and everyone in the bar turns to glare holes through them.



: A cup of Fairy Ale isn't much if not accompanied by some bardic poems and songs.





: Sure he's here, all right. He's got a room down in the cellar.
: Ah, and I shall pay handsomely for his services.



: Sir Douchebag.



: Butters, Douchebag, go down and flush him out. Princess Kenny and I will be waiting here to murder him. Remember, the Bard can use songs to enchant. Don't let him get to you.





Our mission seems easy enough. We just have to find this Bard and drive him to where Cartman and Kenny are waiting. I do like the spooky ambiance of the basement. There's absolutely nothing down here and the lights are off.

: Flush the Bard towards us. We'll do the rest.
: You think the Bard's really down here?
: I think I hear him.
: Hello?



If you look very closely at the edge of the above screenshot, you can make out the silhouette of the Bard.

Video:







: Oh Jesus, it's the Bard!



: Prepare for battle, w-w-w-weaklings! Elves, fall in!





: DOUCHEBAG! IT'S A TRAP!





: You should have never come here, h-humans. I am a level 10 bard, and with my lute I shall power up my elven guards with magical songs of encha - with magical songs of encha-cha - with magical songs of encha-chaaa... mag... magical songs of enchame-me-me...



The game actually popped up the "Hold to Skip" dialogue. Jimmy will keep stuttering over "magical songs of enchantment" until you skip, too.

: With magical songs of encha-chaaaa... mag- magical songs of enchame-me-me... with magical songs of encha-chaaaa... (this continues unless you skip)
: (after you skip) Magical songs of enchantment.





: (standing on a box in the background) There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow. She didn't talk much, but boy did she swallow.
: I have a nice lance that she sat upon. The maiden from Stonebury who was also your mom.

Jimmy isn't much of a fighter, but he's a very powerful bard. Each turn he'll alternate between the two above verses while granting the elves fighting for him a powerful buff.









Oh and just for the sake of edification...



Look at that damage. That was one swipe of the sword in its two-hit combo.

: Wow, what a butt kicking...





: Get down there and finish them off. I will protect the S-Stick of Truth.





This is pretty easy, truth be told. We can take out all of these elves without ever going into combat.





First off, a very important tutorial. See this cracked lantern? We can cup-a-spell at it. Unlike the tutorial we did last time, all we need to do is hold down on right thumbstick, aim with the left, and fire by pressing up in right thumbstick.



For precisely this reason, cup-a-spell will be our go-to spell for 90% of the game.

: Hey, Sir Douchebag! Up here!



Shoot the window to let Craig in and he'll take care of the remaining elves. Kinda.



He knocks over the blender, which catches fire. He also falls off the shelf and hurts himself.

: Ow! My ankle! I-I think it might be broken.
: Maybe I should take a look at it.

: Ah, fuck me.

: My ankle. I-I think it's twisted. You guys go ahead. I'm done for.
: Happy to heal the thief but I need your command, my lord. That's how the game works.



Butters takes care of the injury...

: Thank you, noble paladin. My wound is healed.
: Can you get us upstairs? I think they locked us out.
: Nothing a level twelve thief can't take care of! You guys go ahead.
: Come on, let's get out of here.
: You guys go ahead.

First, we have a strict "no survivors" policy. As such...





Be absolutely sure you kill this non-hostile elf! This bow is permanently missable if you do not smack him!



It's a pretty nice bow, too. Guaranteed critical damage and three hits. Perfect to cause a little bleeding. Let's go help Cartman now.



: For the elf king!
: AHGHGH! Someone help!
: That came from the kitchen!
: Come on, the Wizard's in the kitchen! We gotta help him!



: Take that!
: Pathetic.
: Die Wizard!
: This is awesome.
: Elves are better! Say it!
: I saw him move! Keep beating on him!
: Not so tough when you get ambushed, huh?

This fight is nothing special at all. I would skip it completely had something interesting not happened.



A few updates ago I was saying how worthless the frost status is. I was wrong in my assessment. Most bosses aren't immune to frost damage, and being able to delay their turns is pretty handy. Anyway...



: Your word is the command, my lord. Shall I heal the king, my lord? Or maybe let him suffer just a little bit more?

If you're curious, you can beat the downed Cartman with a stick, and he has special dialogue if you do! That video also briefly showcases one ability of the Jew class, if you're interested.



: (coughs) His powers were too strong - the Bard. He's up in one of the rooms.







: (coughs) They took Princess Kenny! They took her upstairs. I'm sure they're going to rape her. Don't let them rape Princess Kenny! Myehhh...



Well shit. Let's go rescue Princess Kenny. Oh, and if you try to loot Cartman...

: I'm not dead, you can't loot me yet.



: The Wizard King is done for! Take out the New Kid while I go upstairs and make contact with the King of Elves.



: You're not getting past us, fucker!

: We should give this inn a really mean online review after we're done killing everybody.

Time to thin the herd some.



You can either fart on the candle or knock over the shield. Both will get rid of the spikes.

: HELLO?!
: Use your magic on the front door, Douchebag!
: HEY OPEN THE DOOR!
: SOMEBODY DEAD BOLTED THE DOOR YOU GUYS!
: YOU GUYS?? HEY!
: LET US IN! WE CAN HELP!

We aren't going anywhere unless we blow the door open, so...





: For the KKK! (he breaks down a barrier in front of you) C'mon, quick!
: Don't let em get to the tower!
: It's too strong, man! WE'RE GONNA DIE IN THIS PLACE!
: Keep hitting it! I think it's starting to give!



: Protect the Bard!
: AGH!
: This could be a while.



This is a miniboss encounter, and it's the first one that's actually kind of tough. This anti-magician has more health than anything we've seen so far and his sword is on fire.





He also has an attack called Berserker Rage where he beats the ever-loving shit out of someone. The attack is not interruptable. Though I did discover after some testing yesterday that the anti-magician is not immune to Pissed Off, and will stop channeling his spell if he's so afflicted.

Anyway, the fight is pretty generic once you get past how hard he hits. Just apply debuffs and it's otherwise business as usual. A lot of health means he takes more percentile damage from bleeding and burning.



: Where's the King?
: He's over there! He's hurt bad!
: Good thing my medicine skills are plus four!
: We'll revive the Wizard! You guys get upstairs



We're at the tail end of the first day of the game and we're already nearly halfway done with leveling up. Oh, and see that Wood Elf armor on the right? The set it belongs to is ALSO permanently missable.



A ready source of defense down is really handy!

: No hurry, Douchebag. The Princess is just being raped.
: I know you want to get the most out of this game, but our friend is ge-getting raped.
: Make sure you check every nook and cranny, they're probably just still raping her.

I know I shouldn't expect better from South Park, but come on...

Anyway, there's optional dialogue in the kitchen.

: He's lost a lot of blood! Almost three packets.
: What if he DIES?! It'll be ANARCHY, man!
: We've got this. You have to save Princess Kenny.



Jimmy's bedroom door is locked, so we have to go into his parents room instead.

: (bed creaking noises) (HEEELP! Someone SAVE me!)
: We gotta get to the Princess!
: (gasp) Wait a minute! Listen! They're raping the Princess RIGHT NOW. We have to bust in there!



That animation is positively adorable.



: He's keeping her prisoner!

We can't get up on the bed. So let's set off a chain reaction.





: (when you knock down the lamp) Ah, shit!
: (when you break a table leg) Good thing Jimmy's parents are out of town.

Yeah, good thing indeed. We've completely ruined Jimmy's house.





We use the ceiling lamp's cord as a zipline and knock the elf out.





: Princess Kenny! How badly did they rape you?!
: (shrugging) (It wasn't that bad.)
: (trying to open JIMMY'S ROOM) I can't get through! The door appears to be enchanted so I can't turn the knob!





: YOU CAN'T HOLD THE DOORKNOB, BARD! THAT'S CHEATING!



: Yeah, I can. I have the Stick of Truth which means I control the universe, and I say holding the doorknob is okay.



: UGH, can he do that??
: He has the Stick of Truth, he can do what he wants.
: DAMMIT! There's GOT to be another way into this room!



: Hey! Let us up!
: (in attic) You're not getting up here! The ladder's up here with me. And I'm sure as shit not coming down there.
: The Bard must face judgment for his crimes!
: It seems we are going to need the charms of a lady.

If you try to use Butters on the ceiling elf...

: The power of healing is no good here, instead we need the charms of a lady.

: I won't be denied! Not when I'm this close!

: The Bard has no honor.

: We should try the attic! It's our best shot!

So obviously we need to use Kenny to charm the elf down.





: Well, lookie what we got here! I'm coming for ya, baby! Oh, yeah!



: Ohhh, those are some big ol' bitties... Man oh man...
: (giggles and knocks him out)



: Good job Princess Gone Wild. Double D buddy powers.
: Dumbass, we're waiting for you to go up the ladder.



: (This is no place for a lady!)
: Aw, even the attic's crawling with stinky old elves. (quietly) I bet they like it up here cause it's like, it's like being in a tree.

: Stay sharp!
: No one gets through. Bard's orders.
: I didn't even know inns HAD attics.
: It's too dusty up here. I TOLD the Bard I was allergic.
: I heard the Bard knows a song that can make them lose control of their body.

: (Look! A gong!)
: Dibs on hitting that gong!

There's a specific sequence you can blow these flames up in to avoid fighting up here. There's one over to the right offscreen. Hit it first, then the lantern next to the rat, then finally the candle down below. It will drive one of the elves to curl up into a ball next to the Chinpokomon.



I didn't do that. Anyway, be doubly sure to grab this Chinpokomon. It is yet another permanently missable collectible.





These gloves are also permanently missable.



This chest stored on a rickety metal shelf will allow us access into Jimmy's room.



Video:

This video has the cutscene and accompanying boss fight.





: You've nowhere to run, Bard! Give me the Stick of Truth.



: Take it from me if you can, W-Wizard King. Step forward now, and fulfill your de- de- and fulfill your de-de-de... Step forward now and fulfill your de- Step forward now and fulfill your de-de... your de-e-e... your deee... Step forward now and fulfill your de-de... Your de... Your deeee...



: (when you skip) Step forward now and fulfill your d-d-d-destiny!



: You are no match for a Grand Wizard!
: The Stick belongs with us! And I shall use every bardic power in my class to keep it from you!
: Fine. You wanna throw down, brah? Kick his ass, Douchebag.



: Who is Douchebag?
: That's Sir Douchebag to you! And he is about to teach you some manners, Bard.



So. Jimmy. He's the final boss of the first day.



He has more than three times the health of the miniboss below.



Get rid of his rat helpers and he's not very hard at all. You don't want to let your guard down, however.



He'll bust out a lullaby randomly. If you don't pass the QTE, you get put to sleep for several turns.

: Sleep now, the whip-poor-wills are d-dancing. Gently now, put your m-mind to rest.
: Close your eyes, no more thinking 'bout - thinking 'bout t- troubles. Sleep now with J- Jesus, for you are blessed.



: Wow, what a terrific target.

I'm pretty sure your companion always falls asleep. We'll just cure Kenny and show off her ultimate attack.























The unicorn adds a stack of bleeding to everything it hits.



Kenny is pretty great at adding a bunch of debuffs. The above is the result of a kiss.

Before we continue, Jimmy has some attacks I never saw him pull off in this fight. He has a channeled attack, for instance.

: (SONG OF PROTECTION) This will be my g-greatest performance.
: (when JIMMY does SONG OF PROTECTION) He's gonna play the brown note! Block it out!

You can't interrupt this attack. At least not normally. Jimmy puts on a mask that gives him immunity to magic for the duration of the channeled spell. If you want to interrupt him, you need to throw a water balloon at him, which purges all of his buffs, including immunity to magic. Only then can you interrupt his attack.

This means that you need enough mana to cast Dragonshout (40) before he starts channeling the spell.

If you fail to interrupt Jimmy, he plays a flute and you have to block four or five attacks in quick succession. Each attack you fail to block drives up your mana gauge, eventually maxing it out and causing you to suffer an embarrassing accident.

: (after JIMMY does channeled attack) He's out of breath, get 'em!





: The Stick is ours!
ALL: Yay!



We're given the opportunity to loot Jimmy's room. There are two pieces of permanently missable equipment in here. One is this cap...



The other is one of his crutches.

: Find his running shoes. Just kidding.
: (when you talk to him) Ready to leave, Sir Douchebag?

: (if STAY HERE) Okay, but hurry up. This inn is no longer safe for our kind.



Before you leave, be sure to give the entire inn a once-over and ensure you haven't forgotten anything.

Video:



: The Stick of Truth is back where it belongs!



: Great job, men! Douchebag, for your heroic deeds and valiant self sacrifice at the great Battle of The Giggling Donkey, I hereby make you an official member of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep. Welcome to the KKK!



Butters is genuinely happy for us and everyone else is like "jesus christ that kid is fucked up."



: It's getting late. The Grand Wizard needs to go night-night.



: Okay, Mom, thanks for pointing out bedtime for everyone.



: It's a school night, hon. You and your little druid friends need to-



: WE'RE NOT DRUIDS, MOM! WE'RE FUCKING WARRIORS AND WIZARDS!



: Oh, that's it! You're going to bed. The rest of you better get home too.



Holy shit, I've never seen Liane Cartman stand up for herself before. For bonus fun, look at how scared Eric is.



We'd better get home, too.



It's really pretty at night, but it's not easy to get shots of. If you take too long getting home, your parents come to find you and you get sent to bed anyway.



: It's late, hon. Your parents will be worried.



Yeah, let's avoid getting grounded.



: Well, there he is!
: You make any new friends, sweetheart?
: Nothin' to say, huh? What a surprise.
: It's late, sweetie. Go on up to bed, and I'll be up there to say goodnight.

Bizarrely, the script I'm using doesn't have this exchange in it. Instead it has the following...

: There you are, we've been looking all over for you! Do you know how late it is? You are grounded!

: Now I want you to go to bed and think about what you've done.

Either way, we wind up in our room. Though I prefer the nicer outcome.



Let's get in bed and go to sleep.



: Goodnight little man. I hope you're as happy as we are. Everything is going to be better now that we're in this quiet little mountain town.







Goodnight, everyone. Time to go to sleep.

Next time? Hahahaha.