Part 30: NWS - I Banish Thee from Space and Time!

Gonna mark this one as NWS as well.

So obviously that wasn't the end last time. The sudden ending is pretty funny, but leaves the greater part of Colorado completely obliterated and uninhabitable.

Video:

So let's do it again, and this time we're gonna do it right.





Naturally the increasingly seasonal Christmas music returns as well.

SNUKE: Snuke abortion sequence initiated. Begin electrolytic infusion.
SNUKE: (if jabbed into side) Error: check placement.
SNUKE: (if jabbed into side) Danger. Critical arterial rupture.
SNUKE: (if jabbed into side) Ow. Jesus.

(3 times = explosion)



SNUKE: (if jabbed correctly) Ahh.



SNUKE: Cold. So cold.
SNUKE: Danger: Abortion access slit stress level critical.

(if you mess up oil shoots out)

SNUKE: Is that my oil? (explosion)



SNUKE: Abortion access slit dilated. Initiate control chip removal.







SNUKE: Wrong chip! Wrong chip! Ow.
SNUKE: Not that! I needed that!

(if you mess up and pull out a chip, explosion)



SNUKE: Self destruction sequence aborted.



We've successfully disarmed and aborted a nuclear bomb!



: (coughing)
: What is it, Mr. Slave? What are you feeling?
: (cough) Oh Jesus... (cough) Jesus Christ!







: Great job, New Kid!
: But your journey is not yet complete.
: Yes, but should we ever need your services again, we will call.





: Great job! You disarmed the snuke. South Park is saved.
: Yes. Now let's finish this, New Kid. Let's beat Clyde once and for all, and take back the Stick of Truth!







: All hail the Anal Pleasure King!
_{Catatafish likes this.}

: If you ever want to go back in, just ask!
: It'll all be totally worth it when we get the Stick back.
: If you wanna go take a shower and come back, we'll wait.
: You're a better man than I, New Kid.
: It was very brave, what you did in that man's butthole.

You know what? Kyle's right. We probably really could use a shower right about now. Let's try and...

(if you approach the fire exit)

: Wrong way, dude! Clyde's over here.

Oh. Okay then. Well, let's look at the crown we were given.





Also, for what it's worth, the Frog King, Sparrow Prince, and Catatafish are the last friends you get in the game. If you look in the lower left corner, you can barely see a number reading 119. Counting Clyde from the very start of the game (who instantly unfriends you) there are 121 friends in the game. After you unfriend Al Gore, he's never taken off the numbered list. That means we missed someone somewhere.

No worries, though. I know exactly who we missed, and even better, she's not permanently missable. So I'll show off getting her in the bonus update after we beat the main story.



I briefly considered taking Butters with us into the confrontation with Clyde, but I think Kyle is the better choice. You'll see why shortly.

Video:

: Fools! You thought you could conquer the Fortress of Darkness!



: Clyde! Back away from that stuff!



: Oh, but I have yet to complete my army! You have come to witness the power of darkness!



: Stop! Clyde! You have no idea what that stuff is!
: Yeah huh, it's green sauce from Taco Bell. I took it from their construction site.
: Dude, that's not Taco Bell sauce.
: Then why'd I find it at Taco Bell?



: It leaked out of a UFO, Clyde! It's toxic goo from another galaxy! Think about it! Since when does Taco Bell have a green sauce, dude?



: Actually, since about a year ago.
: What?
: Taco Bell has green sauce now.
: No way.
: They've had it longer than a year. I've always gotten spicy green burritos.
: Yeah, no, I'm saying in the packets. They just started putting green sauce in packets.
: The fuck? How the fuck did I miss this?

Yeah, they have Verde sauce. I've never tried it, but I hear good things.

: HA HA! I don't seem so foolish now, do I?



: That doesn't mean YOU have Taco Bell green sauce, dipfuck!
: Yeah, Clyde, why do you think that shit's glowing?
: Maybe because of the three varieties of chili peppers.
: Just give us the Stick, asshole.
: Or what? You'll beat me up? Ha, ha... I've got another surprise for you.













: I'm gonna make love to you womannnn...



ALL: AHGHGHGH!



On a scale of 1 to "what the fuck" this registers a solid

: (salutes) Sieg Heil!



: Get him, Commander Douchebag!




: (starting fight) Let's all make sweet lo- RAAAAWWWRR!
: (from throne) Kill!
: (idle) Kill them, Chef!
: (idle) I get extra turns.
: (idle) Give up! The Stick gives me invincibility!
: (idle) Stop talking like Hitler and kill those bitches!
: (idle) Why does everyone like you? You don't even talk.
: (idle) Dammit, I brought you back to life, kill these assholes!
: (idle) My base is way better. My da- I mean my slaves built it, and (quieter) my slaves built it...
: (when hit) Ow!
: (when hit) Dammit!
: (when hit) No no!
: (when hit) Goddamn!

So welcome to the penultimate boss fight in the game. We're fighting Nazi Zombie Chef. Look at his health pool. He has almost 74,000 HP, and 500 armor. This is arguably the real final boss fight, as the fight after this is mostly a formality.



Chef starts off the festivities by ripping off his testicles and lobbing them at Kyle.



That is an awful lot of damage, though blocking did cut the incoming damage by more than half. Basically this fight is going to do its damnedest to disabuse you of whatever item hoarding tendencies you have.



Chef also has a melee attack. It hit that much through Douchebag's block.



This is why I brought Kyle. Kicking Ike at Chef dealt a little more than 16% of Chef's health in kosher damage. If you'll recall, kosher damage deals extra damage to nazi zombies specifically.



Ike also inflicts bleeding on his target. You can see just how useful that is to us. Chef is immune to bleeds because "fuck you that's why."



After dealing enough damage to him, he starts channeling an attack.





Hello Children is not interruptable, so it's not even worth trying. He's immune to gross damage anyway.





You just hammer the button that appears and you won't get bitten. I think. Honestly I've never failed the Hello Children attack QTEs, and I don't intend to start now. The script doesn't even have dialogue for failing it. So just assume you take damage?



Anyway, after you dodge three times, you break out of Chef's grip and knock him back.





: Children, what have I done?
: Chef! Don't do it!
: He's fighting it! Chef, this isn't you!
: Haha! Clyde can't even control his own Nazi zombies!
: (Chef, mphmphphm!)
: You tried to eat us, Chef!
: Chef, is this you or some Nazi trick?



: Hey, I raised you from the dead. You have to obey.





: Obey me!



: Sieg Heil!
: Aha, ahaha!

Chef will keep occasionally trying to do the Hello Children attack until you lower his health. We're certified shitwreckers, so he only gets it off twice. The second time, he's at 1 health when he finishes. However, there is extra dialogue for those extra times...

: I'm sorry, boys.
: We're gonna get you out of this, Chef. Just hold on while we kill Clyde.
: Chef, stay with us! You've got to fight!
: Oh shit he's back again!
: (Mphpm mphphpm, Chef!)
: Oh you don't have to apologize, Chef! It's the goo that's doin' it.
: He's dead, but I don't think he's quite UNdead.

(after another HELLO CHILDREN)

: Oh no you don't! (squirts CHEF) Remember who you serve!





: Children! Everybody! I'm back!



: Enough of this!



: HAHAHA! BURN THEM! BURN THEM ALL!



Hope you're paying attention! You have a few seconds to hit the button the screen indicates. But when you do...



Video:

: Your eons of torment are at an end, ruler of darkness!



A neat touch is that Clyde is desperately looking around for help against Cartman.

: Um, okay, um, you know what, I'm not playing anymore.



: You have broken the rules of the Stick and for that I banish thee. I banish thee...





: ...from SPACE AND TIME!







: AAGGHH!









: We did it dude!



: That was awesome. You did it! Your noble quest is at an end. And for all your deeds, and all your time put into this...



: I hereby promote you... to KING Douchebag! Congratulations.





: Quickly, now let's get the Stick back to safety before anyone can do -





: MOVE MOVE MOVE! GO GO GO!
: We've got him, we've got the Dragonborn.



: The Dragonborn? What the -- who, what?
: So it really IS the Dragonborn. Just can't stop being a thorn in our side, huh?





: He has the Stick of Truth!
: How does this guy know you, King Douchebag?



: King Douchebag? Is THAT what you told them your name was? Why didn't you tell them your REAL name - DOVAHKIIN!



: You don't remember, do you? How we tried to find you?
: Look, that Stick belongs with the fighters of Zaron! Give it back!



: Fighters of Zaron? Boys, what's going on here is much more complex than that. This isn't the first time a UFO has crashed to Earth. You see, in 1947 a UFO crashed in Roswell, New Mexico...
: Oh, god.
: Oh, brother, spare us.



: Hang on a sec. A UFO crashed in Roswell and a new government agency was created to investigate the paranormal. Our Agency.
: Can we skip this? Like, hit the skip button or something?



I tried. Lord help me I tried.



: Oh, you don't want to skip this.



: Yes we do.



: Whenever aliens are spotted, vampires run amok, our agency is there and we have never lost a fight. That is... until 4 years ago when we investigated a child.



: Yawn yawn yawn.



: A child who had an unnatural power inside him. I had order from the President to secure the child, so that we could harness his powers before our enemies could. But he slipped through our hands.



: The government wants the new kid for his farts?
: That's dumb.

: His farts? No. His amazing ability to make friends so quickly on any social network. Before he was 5 years old he had 3.2 billion friends on Facebook alone.





: Do you have any idea the power that kind of gift yields in today's world? It's time to come with us, Dovahkiin. Time to stop resisting and use your gift for your country.
: Is he really still talking?
: Are we really so different, you and I, Dovahkiin?
: UGH.
: You have to do what the government tells you, just like me. We're all just pawns in their game. I'll admit you are fascinating, you have more power than any child I've ever come across. An yet all you seem to really care about... is this.



: It must be very important. What does it do?



: (rolls his eyes) Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe, dumbass.
: Yeah, stupid.
: Controls the... but then... I wouldn't have to do what I was told anymore. I could.



: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HAAA! I control the universe!



: Get back. BACK I SAY! ALL OF YOU! I can do anything. ANYTHING I WANT! AHAHAHA!





: I no longer need YOU, New Kid... I control the UNIVERSE!







: Hahg... huh UGH!



: Er ... damn thing! How does it work? Show me how it works!



: (scoffing) Yeah, right.



: Dovahkiin, why should we be on the opposite sides?





: Join me, Dovahkiin. Rule by my side. Rule... and you can have THIS all to yourself, FOREVER. I can offer you all! Just get me safely out of here, you can rule with this once again.



: You've underestimated the character of the fighters of Zaron! What binds us is MORE than that relic.
: AND you've failed to recognize the character of our alliance.



: Yes. And that friendship is more important to any of us - than even the Stick of Truth.



: Dude, where're you going?



: (HA HA HA!)



: (gasps) Princess Kenny!
: At least one of you has some sense.
: You'd sell us all out?
: But why, Princess Kenny?



: Because Princess Kenny was born a half-orc whose entire village was wiped out by humans and elves.



: Morgan Freeman?



: You see, when humans and elves lived together in the forests of Hollow Falls, an elven queen fell in love with the orc known as Dandar - the first one to possess the Stick of Truth. They loved in secret and had a child, a beautiful little girl, a girl who watched as everyone she loved was killed in cold blood. And that is why she waited... and plotted... all this time. To take the Stick from you. For Princess Kenny is the true heir to the Stick of Truth.



: Wow, that's pretty cool.
: Just one thing, Morgan Freeman. How come every time something convoluted needs explaining you show up?



: Because every time I show up and explain something, I earn a freckle.





: MMRMM MM MRMMPH!



: Princess Kenny, come back here!

Next time? The final showdown with Princess Kenny and the end of this game. See you all on Monday.