Part 2: 02 - Seriously. We Want The Star Fox

02 - Seriously. We Want The Star Fox



It's still not a mountain.

God damn it! That's what the signal said, not me! At least I've found something.

_{You? Mutter mutter.}





Sheesh, you make it sound like I'm going to sully it with my presence.

...

Hahahahaha.



Start to crate: 5:59.



[Here we meet our first real enemy of the game. These jellyfish aren't terribly dangerous, but if you get close enough they start spinning and move to hit you, taking off a tiny chunk of health. They pop up in a few places, mostly in the Krazoa Palace and Krazoa Shrines and their main purpose is to be obnoxious as hell when doing other things.]



Oops.

Oh god!



[In this area you meet a few EarthWalkers lazing about like the jerks they are. They do give you little tidbits of tutorial info like this though.]



[And we immediately put it to use!]

Aw. I knew you cared.

Oh, go to hell.



[We finally find a use for that key we found on the airship, too.]

Hah, vindication!

I'll call this one even.

Sigh.



[And finally, we are given our key out of here: the Bomb Barrel. Bomb Barrels are analogous to Bomb Flowers from the Zelda series. The normal variety (shown here) is simply carried and lobbed whenever and wherever to blow up cracked walls or kill enemies. Let's go try that out.]



Fuck you, stupid jellyfish.



[These little chutes will teleport a new bomb barrel in whenever the bomb associated with it is destroyed. The one locked in that cage was linked to this dispenser, so now it will respawn a bomb every time it gets used up.]



It always gives me a kick to do that.

Ass.

[Anyways, on with the plot! Blow up some crates to gain access to a ramp and bear witness to another moronic item scene.]





Ok, now I'm not some crazed hippy vegan, but this is such bullshit. It's ok to eat it because it's not a dinosaur egg? Jerks. Just for that I'm going to go back and wait for that EarthWalker to die then eat him.

[If you can't guess, this is and the other item you find here, a Dumbledang Pod, restore one heart and a half heart respectively.]



I don't think this is what the CloudRunner meant by 'be careful'.

Eh.



Hop to it!

In the words of Oscar Wilde; "No chance, you unreasonable dicks."

[These are a fairly common obstacle. The only real challenge comes from having to carry a bomb through them. They're otherwise pretty uninteresting since the damage is minimal and you can roll a few times to put out the fire (which does deal additional damage)].



[In this room we meet an original and clever mechanic. Placing a heavy object on a platform in order to keep the door open.]

Well, that was hard.

For you? I'd believe it.



Was it you that sent the distress signal?



We were massacred.

This is hardly a mountain, too.

_{Shut up! We're trying to be serious here!}



The King EarthWalker sent us to protect this sacred palace...



...powerful beings that bring life to a planet. Without the Spirits, our planet is dead.

Is there something I can do?



Welp, sounds like the planet is fucked.

Yeah...

HEY!

Ah, fuck it.



Once inside, complete the Spirit's test and await your reward.



Holy crap, what the fuck is with the look on your face?



[Bear with me, people, we're almost done with Krystal.]

Hey! I heard that!

Eh.



Did that just originate from your crotch?

Nonsense.

I...I can't unsee that.



[Welcome to the first of the Krazoa Shrines. Krazoa Shrines only contain Jellyfish for enemies (intended to distract), puzzles aplenty and annoyingly long ladders. The puzzles in this Shrine are pretty simple. Dodge the timed fire geysers, then get past a Jellyfish. After that you encounter...]



[Another new mechanic, the kekkai- I mean Life-Force Door. The little red skull below the white skull represents a life. In order to disable the barrier, you have to kill a number of enemies equal to the number of skulls. The only enemy around here is a Jellyfish, so we lob some bombs at him to move on.]



[In the penultimate section we find a rather sloppily constructed room. A Jellyfish for kicks, a weighted platform that requires no challenge to place a bomb on, and flame jets that are sufficiently far away from the opposite wall that you can just walk around them (or just ignore them entirely and roll your way to victory).]



Aaaand the Krazoa Spirit is a betentacled alien. Fuck you, Japan.

AND WIPE THAT LOOK OFF YOUR FACE. JESUS CHRIST.

[Anyway, at the end of each Shrine you find the Krazoa Spirit, who then forces you to undertake a challenge. The first test is The Test of Observation.]



[Yep, it's a game of shells. Do I even need to explain this?]

[Test of Observation: Viddler]



[Those glowing eyes mean that you have a Krazoa Spirit, which is a neat little detail. Having one has absolutely no impact on you, but it does look kind of cool.]



...back into the palace can it be used to stop this war.



[A quick jaunt down the hall and we're finally at the end of this leg of the journey.]



[Oh god, there are so many jokes I could make right now.]

This adds all new levels to the term FOXDIE.

What do yo- Agh!



Not quite a heartattack, but it works.



When the first thing an alien does after getting free from your body is shake and then vomit, I guess that proves you aren't pure of heart.





Oh shit, son. Shouldn't have turned around!

What?





Hey, Krystal! Have you been waiting for this pain?

Fuck _youuuuu!

[That's right folks, we're finally done with Krystal. Next time, we actually get to see Star Fox.]