The Let's Play Archive

Star Fox Adventures

by WeaponBoy

Part 22: 22 - Gay Jokes Are Classy

22 - Gay Jokes Are Classy

[Ok, so we finished up in the Ocean Temple and now we're off again to some new and probably even stupider locale for the next SpellStone.]

Whoa, wait. Aren't you skipping a bunch?

I don't want to think about it. Hell, do you even want to think about it?

That's not really in the spirit of the LP, is it?

Fine. Whatever. Fuck you guys.

So there we were, heading back, I guess? Anyway, we were passing through that passage with the wonky trees that you could hit like a drum.

And we found some little schmuck whining. It was late, my cynicism meter was off and I think we were all flying on auto-pilot.

Heh, judging by his performace Fox always flies on auto-pilot when he's landing on an asteroid.


You want me to tell this crap, then shut it! Anyways, we weren't paying attention and so Fox went over to check up on the little turd. I mean, what was he thinking going to talk to a baby dinosaur wearing a diaper?!

Amazingly, Tricky was the only one who was at all skeptical. I guess all that inlaid racism actually serves a purpose after all.

I'd hate on you too if I had any idea what you look like.

Ok, come on, how the fuck was I supposed to expect ninjas?

Fox got literally trounced.

LightFoot my ass.

And this is what he woke up to.

Whoa...what happened? Untie me right now!

Fox, as usual, was the very spirit of diplomacy. Tricky was not captured, but was instead defeated by his dire nemesis, the ladder.

I hate ladders so much!

You take our treasure and give it to the steenking SharpClaw.

During all of this, some random-ass CloudRunner showed up for the show.

Hey! Give me a hand here will you?!


But I have that CloudRunner Flute thing!

Tell you what, I have a different CloudRunner Flute you can blow.

Of course, lacking a boat of any sort this plan ultimately fell through.

You'll never stop that, will you?

I didn't take your treasure. You gave it to me! Besides, I used it to save this shithole planet!

Hey, Slippy! How about you teleport me the fuck out of here now!

I'm busy. Go do your quick time event.

First thing I'm doing with my cut of the money is learning how to cook frog legs.

Oh god, you stabbed me! If you don't fucking help me out you useless, winged fuck, I'll ram this flute up your ass!

Do that more! They keep stabbing me!

He's the last one! What are you waiting for? Dramatic timing!?

Huh, I guess being set on fire improves your grammar.

And with that, the town was deserted again.

Ok, time to pillage the fuck out of this place.

Right near the mound was some shit to dig up.

Uh, take that?

Yeah, you really showed them what for, Fox.

Across the river Tricky burned some brambles down. Behind them was a Boost Pad leading to nowhere of interest and another mound to dig up.

Yeah, we really scored big on that. What next? A Bananarama tape with no cover?

Up in the northeast corner of the village was the last dirt mound. Guess what it contained?


Can we leave now?

Of course, it's not a real fetch quest unless you have to bring them all back to somewhere.

Each block made some platforms raise up out of the water. We were now fortunate enough to be able to explore even more of this shitty village.

Unfortantely, about the only thing we could find was this asshole.

Funny you should say that...

Fox being the amazing conversationalist he is, the LightFoot chief was forced to spring this out of fucking nowhere.

I was awing him with my presence.

More like yawning him.

Under our village is a mighty chamber. Some say it was built by the Krazoa. Do you wanna see for yourself, maybe?

Well, it's unlikely you fudge-packers could build anything that would be defined as 'mighty'.

What wrong with fudge-packers! Want to see fudge packing plant?

Wait! I meant the chamber! The mighty chamber!


God damn it!

See how that big guy is looking at you? Total ass-bandit.

MuscleFoot good bandit! Wait! Not assbandit! Just bandit!

So, Fox ended up doing some gay tests.

First he had to shove MuscleFoot into a hole.

A bit light in the loafers, eh?

MuscleFoot lightest foot in tribe! Not even have loafers!

That almost makes me miss them.

It was like beating up on a paraplegic!



Well, that was almost challenging. How do you guys normally activate those things?

MuscleFoot use own mighty st-

Finish that sentence and I will burn this village to the ground.

Ok, yeah, now I remember why I don't miss them.

You come tonight. We have kegger, ok? You have special LightFoot sausages!

...Yeah. Ok.

The chief returned to his hut and the way into the central mound was opened. For some insane reason, Fox went to explore the village yet again. I wish I could say he didn't find anything, but he met...well, see for yourself.

[LightFoot Kid Minigame: Viddler]

The only one of those that provided any real benenfit was the one that activated a Boost Pad.

All that for some fuel cells and a Cheat Token.

It wasn't totally worthless. We got another Bafomdad, didn't we?

Another one that you can't carry, you asswipe.

[Bafomdad Count: 16]

Getting back to the task at hand, we found a huge totempole in the middle of the room. It had some crazy dragon painted on it, but the segments were all out of sync.

Using his vast intellect, Fox immediately leapt atop the blatantly out of place crates.

What the hell is this shit? Hey, Tricky? What should I do?

Like I give a shit.

That figures.

My favourite solution.

More like the only one you're capable of.

We're done here.

Alright, fuck this. I'm gonna need some Dutch courage for the next bit.

Oh, go climb into a bottle, you whiny lush.