Part 29: 29 - It's Over?
29 - It's Over?
This idea? Not so good.
Yeah, that's lava down there.
Otacon, I'm aboard the Boss Drakor.
Oh, go grow a molester moustache.
Wait, didn't we land in a room named Boss Whatever before?
I'm praying you get eaten this time, too.
Oh, I don't know.
You know, he looks more like a 'shoot you' guy than an 'eat you' guy.
[Boss Drakor - Commentary: Viddler]
[Boss Drakor - Music (Dashboard by Modest Mouse): Viddler]
[This screenshot? This one here? Watch that for about eight minutes and you've watched me fight Drakor. You float up and down corridors, up and down shafts and you shoot at him. Eventually he dies. There are, of course, some other things to make the fight even more fucking annoying than usual.]
[Drakor will shoot these white globs at you: I call them spooge rockets. They're brutally slow, but they home in and they have splash. You're supposed to shoot them down, and spamming the fire button will generally do just that. There are also plenty of spots where he will shoot them at you and you won't have a chance to actually shoot them down, or the window will be ludicrously small.]
[Some of the flame jets are there for atmosphere, others, though, will actually burn you if you don't hit the targets in time.]
[What a cunt. The lava spurts can hide these mines from sight when you need to shoot them. They have a splash damage electric shock, so if you're a bit too late in blowing them up, zap.]
[Lastly, these space crates (you may remember them from the asteroid flights) can be shot at to restore a whopping quarter-heart.]
[So, what do all of these combine to make? It ain't fucking Voltron. No, it's a horrible on-rail shooter with gummy controls, a boss flying around wildly at constantly shifting depths and loads of ancillary targets that are more than a little important to deal with. In short, a clusterfuck.]
[Unsurprisingly, I end the fight with a sliver of health remaining.]
[I never really mentioned it, but the game attempts to fake ocular focus by selectively blurring certain objects depending on what's going on. This is a good example as you can see the other dinosaurs, but they're blurred out a bit since Tricky is the one talking. It actually works out much better in motion as it's much more fluid.]
Not bad! Not bad at all!
[Seven hearts. Wee.]
...and we can all be on our way home.
There's an old friend we would all like to see.
We will beat him so long after he's dead that George Lucas will be envious.
Or, you know, not.
Yeah, I like that one better.
He had evil mutant army plans?
Well, he was starting with the one, to, you know, feel it out.
[On our way to the Temple we find this over the mouth of the Krazoa head.]
What the fuck was that?
Man, that was roundabout even for Dinosaur Planet.
[It did remind me (though I was so annoyed that I only remembered a few minutes later) to blow open that tiny wall that I can't even figure out how you were supposed to have noticed.]
I'm guessing the reason we haven't used these cheat tokens is because the cheats are...
Not really cheats. And shitty.
[Once more into this game's approximation of a sewer level.]
[Of course, things have changed somewhat. There are now a whole lot more switches to hit.]
[The pattern also disappears immediately. The best way I found to deal with this is to label the tiles by number. Far left is 1, far right is 4 and so on.]
[Down this hallway and beyond a portal we couldn't open last time...]
[Fuck all else has changed, so we avoid those retarded tight-rope segments and just head straight into the temple proper.]
[The old Boost Pad is flat out gone, but there's so one on the other side of the room. guess what it's time for? Mirrored puzzles that are even more annoying!]
[Once again we have to head north, but this time we're heading west as the eastern door is now sealed.]
There's a reason samey rhymes with gamey: they both suck.
[You push this ice block along the edge into the convenient slot to reach the switch up on the ledge.]
[Which just flat out opens the door.]
Jesus. I can just straight up jump from that other ledge with the box.
[The box was actually hiding a SharpClaw platform, which in turns opens a door right behind Fox.]
Flip it already.
I can so make it.
Twenty bucks says you can't. Flip the switch.
[The switch raises the water level.]
See? Told you.
Jokes on you, I don't have any real money! Why do you think I'm on this shithole planet?
[Yeah, the trigger that generally causes
[I want you fuckers to bask in the glory of this room. Remember how you had to time the statues so they would hurl all over the torches and the spinning got faster and more annoying as it went on? They made it worse.]
[Notice the coloured block below the statues? They signify which colour each statue can put out. That means that not only do you have to wait for full rotations for a shot with each statue, but you can only try with one statue. Fuck up your timing and you have to waste an entire rotation waiting for the statue to reset to the point where you can try a new timing. Trial and error in timed puzzles is fucking awesome. I finished with 13 seconds remaining.]
[This, on the other hand, is still absurdly easy.]
[The Boost Pad is now activated. I'm too lazy to check, but I think just about every image of Fox using a Boost Pad is named JumpJet, BoostPad or some variation on that. Even the filenames in this LP are repeating themselves.]
[Bafomdad Count: 23]
[And with that, we are now done with the Force Point Temples in all their stupidity.]
It's...it's over. All the pain, all the stupidity. I can finally get back into outer space and start killing my liver again.
Took you long enough, you slag.
I don't even care right now, Tricky.
BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING OVER!
Well, that's convenient.
Are my stories on?
Why does it not surprise me that the Krazoa focus the magical of energies of this planet to make a projection TV.
I always preferred flat-panel...
So, that's it? It's really over? I'm amazed.
[Well, folks. I guess that's it. I'll spare you the credits. Thanks for watching my LP of Star Fox Adventures!]