Part 31: 31 - Into The Labyrinth
31 - Into The Labyrinth
Fox, aren't you forgetting something?
I try to forget a lot of things.
Well, you forgot the Maze.
Yeah, that was definitely one of those things.
[Before we head into the maze, there's something else in ThornTail Hollow. Immediately following CloudRunner Fortress one of these idiotic baby CloudRunners show up. He even has the same stupid habit of flying away if you get too close.]
[Blow the horn for him (it's the entire reason why you still keep it) and he flies up to grab...]
God, not again.
[Bafomdad Count: 24]
[Moving along, we're finally going into The Maze.]
I better not find David Bowie or his crotch down there.
Well, not anymore! Sorry, Dave.
Nae, lad, it's my crotch you'll find!
[Here it is: The Maze. Now, if there's one thing I've learned from mazes in books and so on is that the easiest way to figure them out is to just go in reverse. By giving us not only a top-down view of the place, but four giant torches indicating where we want to go, they made this place a huge joke.]
[There isn't too much to say about the place, really. It's a maze and at a lot of intersections you can find these wall vine things. They're easy to avoid generally, but it's not like you're in any danger of dying.]
[Also littered through the area are these warp spots. They exist for idiots. Since this place is a maze and Rare didn't want imbeciles getting stuck down here or something, they added these. They immediately take you outside which functionally allow you to reset the maze.]
[This is our ultimate goal. We bought eight golden coins from wells with creepy voices in them in order to crawl under the crotch of a huge, Scottish statue and then drop said coins into another stupid well. I want you to reread that sentence and let it sink in.]
Well-p, let's see what happens.
So much for the gold standard.
[As I mentioned before, each coin from each well has a specific effect when dropped in. Four of the coins give you a weird fortune, but since they don't occur in order I'm taking the liberty of reformating it to be less annoying. They are transcribed below:]
There is sorrow ahead. A close friend does not have much time left. It will be hard to accept, but you will grow.
A friend who has left you, still cares about you. The bond of your friendship still remains. He will soon appear before you. And you should accept him with all your heart.
His Life-Force is strong. His existence is like a virus. I can hear his breath in every corner of space. He will not only use the evil hearts of others. But can also corrupt those that are good.
Fox...I can see you have matured into a strong leader. I am always there with you. Never give up...Trust your instincts...My son...
So...one of the jerks I have to deal with will be gone soon, another jerk will take their place, and some other jerk is either really fat and evil, or a ghost and evil. Oh, and my dad has become a force ghost. Gravy.
Sounds about right.
[The other four coins activate 'cheats'.]
I don't feel any different. What happened?
Suddenly, it hit me like a pile of bricks. All this time I had been working to save some dame trapped in crystal when her name was Krystal. I guess that was her fate. Here I was, though, inside some Scottish statue's rectum being talked to by my dead dad. I had gone of the deep end and the General was gonna have my badge for breakfast after all the shit I had pulled on this case.
Then there was that ever present voice, somewhere between a buzzing natter and a painful screech. It haunted me while I was awake and tortured me in my sleep. The pills were the only thing that dulled the pain, but even they were losing their edge. The madness, just around the corner, drew closer and closer as this case came closer and closer to its grand finale.
Holy fucking balls! What the hell was that?
I have no fucking clue, but we should probably get out of here.
[First, though, let's cover the other 'cheats'.]
[Slippy, who has the Audio options, can now toggle between the various music tracks in the game.]
[Peppy, who has the Visual options you can toggle Sepia on or off and display the credits. That's right, you have to earn the right to know who you should stalk and kill.]
[Lastly, ROB, who has the Language options, gives us the ability to turn on Dinosaur mode, which turns all text (and only text) into Dinosaur to further the sense of confusion one feels when playing this game.]
Are you sure we didn't forget anything else?
NO. FUCK YOU.
[And we're back at the Krazoa Shrine for the Walled City.]
[Sometimes I can't even tell if they really think this is challenging or not. A timed run through fire? Do they really expect us to hang back and avoid getting burned? Is it supposed to be challenging because we need to ride the tornados? It's still in a straight line, so whatever.]
[This room could be best described as mildly inconvenient.]
[In typical fashion, the target is behind and above us. The inconvenience part comes from the fact that the two fires spring back to life relatively quickly and block your shots.]
[This next room is a bit different from previous Test rooms.]
[Test of Knowledge: Viddler]
[If it was unclear from the video, you start with six objects around you: the CloudRunner Flute, an asteroid, a piece of a totem pole, the Golden Tooth, a Moon Seed and the Dinosaur Horn. In the pictures above we had (from left to right in the first picture): Space (as in, the flying sections), DarkIce Mines, the Walled City, Moon Mountain Pass, LightFoot Village, and CloudRunner Fortress. The test consists of planting the items at the correct locations. The only one you could possibly confuse is the asteroid going with Moon Mountain Pass if you didn't notice the Moon Seed, otherwise it's pretty simple.]
Finally, now get in the...Oh shit.
Oh, right! That's what we forgot.
YOU HAVE COME TO A WORLD CALLED DINOSAUR PLANET! *whipcrack*
Yeah, get fucked.
You were probably the worst partner I've ever had to work with and, given my crew, that's saying something.
God damn, are you coming on to me?
Fledgling Drag Queen.
What the fuck?! Get it off!
I'm...I'm so proud of you, son.
Jesus Christ, get me the fuck out of here!
Stay golden, pony boy!
[After we return this one there is just one more spirit to find. As I mentioned, we are no past the point of no return, the instant you return to Dinosaur Planet the game's finale begins. You can't even visit the other asteroids at this point.]
[Of course, we're finally allowed to fly directly to the Krazoa Palace. Thanks a lot, you dicks.]