The Let's Play Archive

Star Trek Online

by PoptartsNinja

Part 80: Holiday Update: Let's Read: Planet X - Part 5

^^^ Writing for a new Star Trek show (or writing science fiction in general) would pretty much be my dream job, really.

STAR TREK The Next Generation / X-MEN: PLANET X - part 5

Last Time: Rahatan casually murdered one of the transformed, establishing himself as one of the book's two villains. Dongs got laid (at least Corba can't talk if her mouth is full. Yes, I went there). Nothing else of any importance happened.

Chapter 13

Chapter 13 starts with Guinan thinking about how the Enterprise E's lounge doesn't feel like home; but… she doesn't live on the Enterprise E. She's a guest, and she says she's only at the bar for old-time's sake. One of the waiters tries to give her Lt. Sovar's order, but Wolverine shows up which, since he's comic relief until he has someone to murder (and even then…), means this is a comic relief scene.

I love comic relief scenes almost as much as I love this bloody nose I gave myself slamming my head into my computer desk.

Wolverine demands a drink, but finds Synthale pathetic. He then asks for the kind of drink a guy like Worf would like, and if you can't see where this is going you need to watch more Star Trek.

Guinan suggests that Wolverine couldn't handle a full glass of Worf's favorite drink, and Wolverine takes it as a challenge. Guinan then gives him a mug full of prune juice. Yup, it went there. The scene ends, and so does the chapter. That's two chapters that haven't ended on a cliffhanger but… well, this entire chapter was five pages of pointless filler. Pretend there is no chapter 13.

Chapter 14

Chapter 14 begins with Chancellor Palpatine, who has just received news that the transformed have escaped. Since it was established two chapters ago that the city of Verdeen is on the lookout for the transformed already, and since Chancellor Palpatine can see the fortress where the transformed were held from his office, I'd think they'd have been more on the ball… but no, apparently he didn't notice half the place collapse, and nobody bothered to tell him.

He asks minister Tollit to keep him informed, and resolves to… do nothing and wait until the transformed show themselves. Who elects men this stupid to high office?

We then join Captain Picard, who has taken several hours to record his latest Captain's Log, and is on his way to see Dr. Crusher when he bumps into Storm. Just as they're starting to converse, Archangel flies by-and Picard orders him to stop, then explodes at him because he hasn't been out of character enough lately.

Planet X posted:

Picard regarded [Archangel]. "You have been drawing attention to yourself with your antics since you set foot on this ship. And before that, you did the same on Starbase 88. I have seen enough of it," he said. "I want it to stop!"


"Is he serious?" Archangel asked [Storm].

"You are having this conversation with me," the captain declared. "And since you asked, I am very serious. Shadowcat and nightcrawler don't use their powers on the Enterprise-why must you?"

The two struggle for dominance, but the older male maintains his dominant status over the pack's females, the younger male slinks off with his wings folded.

… Storm then tells Picard he was too harsh, that Archangel was just pushing to see what he could get away with, because he doesn't trust Picard's world and its lack of prejudice. She says the Federation's freedom from prejudice is the best thing about it, the Federation's greatest achievement. She then asks Picard to try to view Archangel's being a colossal dick from that perspective, which he finds reasonable.

They're about to continue, but Picard gets a call from Starbase 88. The X-Men have appeared on the station chapter ends on a cliffhanger. Are you surprised?

Chapter 15

The Admiral asks Picard if he knows anything about NotEarth Xhaldia. Hey, that wild guess I made back at the beginning of the read-through was right, they didn't call for help until after chapter 14!

NotEarth is a Federation ally, but not a member (thus, your dreams of us gaining Lt. Dickmonster die early. That, and the poor guy's about 60-70 years old by now). The conversation with the Admiral is… well, see for yourself.

Planet X posted:

Kashiwada went on to tell the captain about [the situation on Xhaldia]. The man hadn't lied; it was volatile, all right.

The Enterprise is the only one close enough to respond, and even though the mission is only worth 300 skill points, Picard feels the unique item drop he'll get at the end of it will be worthwhile. Plus, he's the closest ship. Picard calls Riker and has him set course to Xhaldia at Warp 9. We're then told that the Enterprise rarely exceeds Warp 5, except in emergencies.

Lt. Sovar is on the bridge and shits a figurative brick. Commander Riker offers to fill him in if things aren't classified. He's had even fewer lines than Colossus, which is pretty hilarious.

We then cut back to Chancellor Palpatine, who is discussing his decision to call in Starfleet since the small band of transformed rebels are kicking the shit out of his vast army of stormtroopers.

His conversation with minister Tollit is interrupted by minister Morna, who tells him the planet is now under attack. NotEarth apparently has an atmosphere full of radiation that blocks communication and transporters without the assistance of several communications satellites in orbit (which is really stupid, since communications with the satellites should be blocked too), and an unknown ship has been blowing up the… two or so communications satellites the NotHumans had the foresight to put in orbit.

They then ask themselves what this unknown enemy could want, and since that's a cliffhanger (and something's actually happening) the chapter ends.

Chapter 16

We then rejoin Dongs, rather than learning anything useful or exciting. He's having a conversation with his parents, but he accidentally blows his load all over his mother, killing her by accident.

Planet X posted:

"No!" he screamed.

… and realized he wasn't in his parents' house anymore. He was somewhere else. In a bed somewhere. And someone was embracing him, looking needfully into his eyes.

Corba, he thought. I'm with Corba. The beams… my hurting my mother… it was just a nightmare.

Of course, something is wrong in the real world too, but since everyone on planet NotEarth seems to have the downs, he takes forever to ask and she doesn't volunteer to tell him. He looks out the window and sees three lizardmen in power armor. Paldul contacts him and tells him to run, because they have stun weapons that aren't as completely useless as the Xhaldian seizure rifle.

Corba and Dongs then get dressed and make a run for it. She could escape pretty easily, but Dongs is a slow, clumsy, and stiff and she's in love with him so she puts herself in incredible danger to stay with him. It's actually a genuinely sweet moment and I feel like a dick because I'm trying to make fun of it.

They escape the tenements and the chapter ends because goddamn it, why would you ever fail to use a cliffhanger when one is presented to you on a silver platter?

Next Time: The X-Men offer to help, Chapter 18 is the most merciful we've encountered thus far and is three and a quarter pages long, and we finally learn who the aliens attacking the planet are and why they're here (take a wild fucking guess).