The Let's Play Archive

Star Wars: Rebellion

by Pander

Part 14: # Days 276-294: The Beginning of the End of Bren Derlin.

DAYS 276-294

Day 278: Welcome to the HoloInterWeb!

: Haha, Threepio, check this out!

: What is it, Master Meteor?

: I found some hilarious videos on the Holonet, this thing's great!

: Dweet twirrrt! Fwoo, fweee dwoo dweeooo?

: That's a good's sorta R-rated, but also only PG-rated...

: What are you talking abou...oh dear.

: I had this plastered up on a poster in General Veer's cell. I don't think it's having the intended effect, though.

: What, may I ask, was the intended effect, Master Meteor?

: Y'know, I don't even know. It just seemed funny.

DAY 279: Unfriendly Encounters

: Commander Meteor!

: AH! It's a trap!

: No Commander, we have an update from the Engineering Department.

: Oh, goody. What retarded piece of shit will R&D grace me with this time?

: Are you going to present a ship shaped like Crapflap's misbegotten head?

: Or will it just be a flying scrotum, with a laser where you'd normally find the-

: See for yourself, Commander.

: That's a nice ship.

: On its own it cannot stand up against the firepower of an Imperial-class Star Destroyer.

: Two, however, can defeat a Victory-class Star Destroyer. They also have hangers for two fighters apiece.

: How long until we can get a good fleet going?

: We haven't the resources for it yet. We also lack shipyards. Your standing orders are to hold off on production until we develop more advanced shipyards.

: ...shit. Tough call. Keep with the original plan. There's no reason to ruin our industrial build-up for the chance to build a few ships that'll be outdated as soon as they're built.

: Sound strategizing, Commander Meteor. Where could you possibly have heard of such plans?

: The holonet. It's full of great information. I just ask questions and people give answers.

: And check out this picture I found there! It's hilario-

: I'm sorry Commander, I must return to the shipyard.

: Hmm. I wonder what his species' take on fried calamari is. Hey Threepio, you're a protocal droid, right?

: Yes, although I feel my programming has been of little use so far this rebellion. Did you have a question?

: Is it a faux pas to eat fish in front of Ackbar's people?

: You're actually interested in learning proper manners and civil behaviors? I'm astonished!

: I was just thinking, it'd be kinda funny to serve a seafood buffet when dealing with them. See if we can't entice them to a little cannibalism.

: "C'mon, eat up your retarded Earth cousins! This tuna's name was Charlie, and he couldn't live without the hunk of flesh we tore from him to make these amazing sushi rolls."

: We DO have a war to manage, Master Meteor.

: I know, it's just more boring than thinking about stuff like this.

: That sentiment fails to fill me with hope.

: Hey fellas!

: Who're you?

: Seen a deer come this way? It'll have an arrow in its thigh, should be a blood trail, but I can't seem to find it.

: He appears to be Bren Derlin, a General Mon Mothma put in charge of locating new spots for our Headquarters to travel. Here's his file.

: Huh, he hides his giant mullet pretty well in that picture.

: What's he doing in the war room?

: I told you, I tagged a dear with a three-blade broadhead and it should be dropping somewhere near here. Here, I'll give you a whistle, if you see it, blow on the whistle.

: And for God's sake, put on an orange vest, I damn near shot you! That's just unsafe!

: How exactly are you hunting deer on our headquarters, which is a metallic station that floats in space, orbiting the planet Triton, which has no native deer?

: Brought 'em with me from Yavin, along with my gear and some Milwaukee's Best.

: Why are you even in the military? Sounds like somewhere there's a backwoods cabin that's missing its redneck.

: Shoot, Empire tried taking my guns. Nuh uh, no sir. Ain't gonna happen. Lemme know if you find my deer, my shot's got green vanes on it.

: Wait, go back a second, you let deer free in this station?

: Ayup. I got my huntin' stand in Hanger 3, so be sure to wear that vest if you're comin' in.

: I think I hate that man, Threepio.

: It IS somewhat comforting to know the source of the fecal matter that had been appearing on the decks, Master Meteor.

: I had been assuming it was your's.

: Yep, confirmed. Hate.

DAY 283

It was good news, but nothing unexpected. Norval II was one of the Outer Rim systems that only we had visited. It was a rich take, it had room for 13 buildings.

Only one parsec away from our headquarters, it'll make a good dumping spot later for a mass of advanced shipyards.

I've already began production of advanced construction yards on Jerijador, another system in that sector. When we develop advanced shipyards, they'll be able to quickly pump them out onto Norval II.

From there, I will build my fleet, group it together, take out Coruscant, and get laid, big-time.

DAYS 285-287: Trouble on Mon Cal

I got a communique from Mon Cal. Things were getting hot, and they were thinking something was up.

The next day, fears became reality.

Hey, it's that guy! Who got captured! What's-his-name!

Fortunately, we had a strategy for this eventuality. Run like hell. I knew there was a reason our starfighters had hyperdrive systems.

I told my guys to retreat, and they still shoot up some TIEs. I love X-wings.

Our fighters are badass, but Carrack Light Cruisers would have shredded them. They had numbers and survivability, with plenty of anti-fighter lasers. That fleet is the class of the Sluis sector, and there's nothing I can do about it except keep running.

Fortunately, my planet was well shielded, and I had plenty of infiltrators ready to sabotage them if they just hung around. They went on their merry way rather quickly. By the following day, things were back to normal.

: Boom bitch! Suck on my majestic head of hair! And these explosives!

I engaged in self-espionage on a scale not even the Patriot Act could have foreseen.

We had a great spy network in place in Mon Cal. Our space defenses were powerful. The Empire couldn't crack that nut, and did it ever piss them off.

DAY 288: Useless Progress

Another day, another misguided system near Coruscant provides 6 more refineries for me to enjoy.

: HELLO, Nywah ha ha! We have made a breakthrough!

: Karrde! Damn you, villain! Er...I mean, what's the breakthrough? I see some kind of laser tower.

: PRECISELY! Our existing planetary anti-ship lasers were inadequate. We developed a model that uses two lasers instead of one.

: Oh, good. So it doubled the firepower out of all our towers, eh?

: NO! It made them six and a quarter times stronger.

: That doesn't make much sense.

: HA! It's also cheaper to maintain!

: Well. Keep up the good work, developing insane physically-defiant laser towers I probably won't build. I'd rather build one of these.

: They look way cooler.

: EXCELLENT! I shall now depart to my lair for more unscrupulous tinkering!

: Creepy...

DAY 290: Good Ole Boys.

: Hey y'all, got any boats? I'm thinkin' 25 footer should do.

: Well, yeah. We'd been using it to hunt down probe droids over water.

: Cool, cool, that'll do. Be a good wop and have it sent over. Get someone to get my fishin' gear too. Left it in the truck.

: Insult me again and I'll leave your festering corpses for the krill. I made Pellaeon disappear. I'm dangerous.

: Sheeit, calm down there Sonny! I'll get the gear myself. Just have the boat fueled and ready to go, alright?

: Some people get awful uppity. This whole alliance is wound too tight. People gotta get out, spend some times outdoors just enjoying nature.

: Now where'd I leave that shotgun blaster...


Things were looking better economically. We had more than doubled our industry in 150 days.

Our spec ops had been keeping themselves busy.

If there was one thing I learned from famed Mercenary author Howard "Overlord" Taylor, there is no "overkill". There is only "open fire" and "I need to reload." -Rule 37 from Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates.

And thanks to the the incomprehensible success of Vanden Willard's guerilla campaign in Selonia, we had spies in place even on Imperial planets.

: Doo hoo hoo, eviscerate the proletariat! Down with the bourgeois! Classism is the bane of the workers!

Things were going just fine here at Rebel Central. For a change. No troops on Selonia means Vanden can continue his ridiculous efforts for a good while longer.

Now all I need is a fleet. In that regard, it's Imps 1, me 0.

: Artoo, what do you think we should do?

: Fweeooo, dooweeet.

: Uh, it's only 10 in the morning. I'll stick with vodka.

: Twoo, tweee dweet dwoo roll?

: Yeah, you're right. Let's go bowling. Threepio, we're going rolling!

: Please refrain from killing patrons there this time, Master Meteor.

: No promises. I roll hard.