The Let's Play Archive

Star Wars: Rebellion

by Pander

Part 28: Days 626-632: The Election That Wasn't.

DAYS 626-632: The Election That Wasn't.

DAY 632: Today's Worst Person in the Galaxy.

: Welcome to Galactic Countdown with Olber-Mann Keithobi, on this, the six hundred and thirty-second day since the declaration of Death Star Destroyed.

: We open tonight's show with an in-depth analysis of the single most confusing week for any election in history.

: Seven days ago the Commander of the Alliance Forces, Marshall "Meteor" Sully, declared his candidacy for the Presidency of the Alliance.

: The problem was, there were no elections scheduled for another two years. Mon Mothma herself set the rule that her Chief of State position was subject to vote every two years, starting immediately after Alderaan was destroyed.

: Thus, Meteor neglected to note the elections that happened a month ago, and is instead insisting on holding a new series.

: The immediate reaction by Rebels who appreciated his tactical and strategic prowess resulted in a groundswell of support for these moronic elections to be held, and thus the madness began.

: The in-fighting was swift and brutal.

: Personally, I don't see why she's qualified. Is this the Affirmative Action Alliance or something? We need more fighting patriots in charge, not doddering old women who fail to meet their recruitment goals half the time at war's start.

: I can only hope those who believe in galactic freedom have the intelligence to see through that man.

: Fate had an interesting week in store for the two combatants. Meteor stormed to an early lead in polls with his Death From Wherever strategy, targetting Imperial systems throughout the Core.

: Day 626, Meteor unveils his Special Operations Task Force 11. Despite high casualty rates throughout the past 10 Task Forces, the enthusiastic members help buoy a 5 point lead in the polls for Meteor.

: This was followed two days later by the deployment of the GruntyThrst, the latest Mon Calamari class cruiser.

: Yeah, it was all my idea, creating these things, building em. We own the spaceways now, thanks to my leadership skills.

: And His Arrogantness wasted no time in exercising his space control, sending the confusingly-named Hello Nurse Fleet to break down the TIE defenses at Yaga Minor.

: It doesn't take a military genius to know how this fight ended.

: Victory assured, Meteor harped on another aspect of his strategic dominance, as another underling brought vital information for the Rebellion.

: It's this utilization of personnel that is the hallmark of my candidacy. I can find a place for everyone, high and low, for the good of all.

: He neglected to mention the numerous complaints lodged against him by that same agent, claiming to be the subject of incredible abuse at the Commander's whims. Meteor, as always, was terse in reply to this criticism.

: If it wanted rights, it would have been born less ugly.

: It was shortly after that things unraveled. His largest platform, defense of the Alliance against the Empire, took a major hit with the invasion of Praesitlyn by the Empire's largest remaining fleet.

: And just like that, the war droids and stormtroopers held the Rebellion bastion at Praesitlyn.

: After that, the popular push for a new election cycle faded like bleached jeans. All Meteor had left were weak attacks.

: As you can see, Mon Mothma can't get the job done!

: Of course, Meteor is referring to Mothma's efforts in restoring faith in the Alliance after its citizens were scared by the Death Star Meteor himself ordered built.

: The momentary bump he received after Sarin Virgilio's successful bombing...

: ...was vaporized like Alderaan and Skor II after one bit of lying on Meteor's part was revealed.

: For the last year Meteor had been adamant that Alliance forces had been keeping tabs on Darth Vader, and assured us Vader was uninvolved, stationary on the core system of Duros.

: However, new information was brought to light with recently unsealed intelligence documents.

: That's right. Nobody has known whether or not Vader has been on Duros for the past TWO HUNDRED DAYS!

: And now, with the un-authorized elections re-cancelled, it looks like Meteor will resume his day job with guiding the Rebellion towards victory in the Galactic Struggle against the Empire. And all we can say is "Thank the Force."

: Shame on you Commander. You should have stayed in the military realm, and not subjected your dubious personal honor and terrible judgement to honest questioning.

: Marshall "Meteor" Sully, today's the galaxyyyyyy!


: I think that went quite well, Master Meteor!

: ...Fuck.