Part 35: Days 851-890: The Battle of Coruscant.

DAYS 851-890: The Battle of Coruscant

DAY 853: Motivational Speaker.



: I've had it. I've officially had it.

: I can't think up any new insults or digs to push you to stop failing.

: R2, activate that chip I had you install into Threepio.

: Chip? What chip?

: Beepboop!

*beep*

: You there! You cephalopodic cretin! Desist from failing to develop weapons of war immediately!

: What is this?

: Oh my, I don't know, I feel positively vulgar, Admiral!

: Perhaps it is your own fault though! Try using your overly large cranium for once and I would not have to berate you thusly!

: What monstrosity have you put inside me you clattering bag of bolts?!

: Dweeeeep!

: A Stewie Chip? What nonsense are you talking about?

: Heh heh heh. I need to do this more often.

: Ackbar, get me something useful soon, or I'll develop a Mr. Bean chip and send Threepio to live with you.

DAY 855: What are they, Australian?



: I have found fools, gullible fools on Chazwa!

: They join our cause, without recognizing the full scope of our nefarious mission!

: Bwah ha ha ha!

: Outstanding, another useless system. I am so overjoyed.

: Ooo, the wretched imbecile is taking baby steps towards sarcasm, how utterly futile!

: Shut up.

: You DO realize you were the one who sent him out to those backwater hives of parasitic hicks?

: Shut up.

: Just stick in there Karrde, I guess. The more systems we have, the less hiding places they have.

: Artoo? I think I made a bad move with the Stewie Chip.

DAYS 857-858: Lesson learned.

: It's time to put our manpower to the test and rescue Skywalker, Commander.

: I'm on board. Who can we send?

: Me and about fifty infiltrators.

: Alright.



THE NEXT DAY



: Anything learned?

: Our shuttles were pinned down upon landing by legions of stormtroopers.

: We scrubbed it after losing over half our force.

: Want to try it again?

: Not really.

: Shouldn't you go back and retrieve your manhood? It's quite clear you left it there, since you don't have it now.

: Artoo?

*beep*

: I think that ran its course.

: Thank you, Master Meteor.

: Shut up.

DAY 870: Results.



: We have made progress, Commander, the Dauntless class cruiser is space-worthy.





: Well done Admiral, I knew a little motivation was all it would take.

: This cruiser is about the equivalent of a second generation Imperial Star Destroyer.

: And go to Hell, Commander.

: Later, for now I'll just sit here basking in how right I always am.

DAY 872: The Assault of Ord Mantell! (Where?)

: Commander, remember that small Imperial-controlled system in the Outer Rim?



: No.

: We're assaulting it.



: Cool.

: People are rioting, but we've got guerillas on the situation.

: Uh huh.

: Is there anyone there I could talk to who cares?

: Mmmmmm nah.

: I'm going to go get captured.

: You don't say.

: I hate my job.

: Sure.

DAY 886: Foreboding.



: We've hit Coruscant, Commander.

: This fleet is unparalleled, the most powerful assembled since the Clone Wars.

: Can we punch through the shield generators?

: Not yet, the two together are slightly too powerful.

: You have your orders then, get rid of one of them.

: No problem.

DAY 890: The Fall of Coruscant.



: Told you I could do it. No no, hold the applause, I'm blushin, kid.

: It's down? Great! Anything else I should know?

: I detected something with my force powers...



: We knew he was there.

: I just wanted to mention my amazing FORCE POWERS!

: Behold and tremble, lest I burn you with the power of my mind!

: I don't think the Force works that way.

: Oh, something else of note.




: You took a diplomat with you on the combat mission?

: Yeah, as a decoy.

: Why?

: Well, it made so little sense, we thought nobody would see it coming.

: Brilliant.

: Anyway, stand by fleet bombardment.




: The shield generator was hit, the planet's defenseless!

: Nuke every garrison, burn the lands, kill everyone!

: We'll stick to the first part.




: Oh boy.



: Twenty-seven Wookiee regiments.



: Cue the Ride of the Valkyries.

: They're underway!

Footage of the Invasion can be found here! (note a familiar starship firing at the Imperial Crest)

: We did it!



: I can't believe it! Actually I can! Situation report anyway!

: Prisons are being emptied now, Commander!

: Find Luke?

: Not yet, but we've heard reports of a fight in the throne room.



: Gah!

: You are beaten, Skywalker.

: So are you, the palace is falling around you, father. The Emperor is defeated!

: Underestimate his power at your own peril, my son.

If you will not join us, then I must kill-

: There he is, shoot him!

: Oh bloody hell.

: woop woop woop woop!

: Drat, he got away. Well, Luke?

: I'm ready to go.






: We're done here, Commander. The Emperor and Vader have wigged out. The capital is ours.

: Bravo. Send the Headquarters here. We have a new home.

: I think the war is coming to a close.

(Coming up next time: Hundreds more days!)