The Let's Play Archive

Star Wars: Rebellion

by Pander

Part 39: Epilogue Part One: The Heroes.

Epilogue: Where Are They Now?

The final chapter of this story is found in the brief descriptions of what fates awaited all of the Alliance's major players.

Here they are, in alphabetical order.

Adar Tallon: Opens up the galaxy's first Lambert's Cafe. Commits suicide seven months of "thrown Tallon Rolls" puns later. Often mis-remembered as the engineer behind the SS Vanden Willard.

Afyon: All he wanted in life was a medium transport, a fat wife, and a hog farm. He died on Xyquine trying to capture Vader. How he fucked up his life's ambitions so badly has become a case study in University philosophy classes.

Borsk Fey'lya: Briefly joined Garm Bel Iblis in an opposition party to the New Republic. Died shortly thereafter at the age of 23 (71 in human years).

Bren Derlin: Opened up a bait and tackle shop on Endor. Later arrested for operating an illegal "Ewok huntin'" enterprise out of said shop. Acquitted on the "They were annoyin' varmints" plea.

Carlist Rieekan: Killed by Imperial forces on Ghorman back on day 511. I actually had to go back to look that up. Like many other people, I just didn't care about him. He was forgotten quickly.

Chewbacca: Opens a used hovercar lot. His high-pressure sales pitches were things of legend.

Crix Madine: Becomes General of Allied Forces. Performs his job admirably until his capture several years later. His ad on Craigslist looking for "people to kidnap me" was discovered shortly thereafter. Whereabouts remain unknown.

Drayson: A class act, he becomes a professional John Spencer impersonator. Sadly, The West Wing is never picked up for another season. Depressed, he resumes his life as a senator in the New Republic, forever wondering "What if...?"

Garm Bel Iblis: After being offered a cabinet post, he offered a middle finger to Mon Mothma, decrying her as a dictator. He led an uneasy anti-establishment political party with Borsk Fey'lya, with a civil war forever looming over the heads of the New Republic. Also a prominent shampoo commercial participant.

Han Solo: Despite a rocky initial period, his marriage with Leia lasts the test of time, including several children. As time passes, complaints of 'being too old for this shit' grow exponentially.

Huoba Neva: Her flesh-eating exploits only grew after her death. Children would forever be warned to eat their vegetables, lest this crazy she-beast devour their skin and eyeballs. Unsuccessfully bred with Syuub Snunb. They did have children, but she consumed them. Was the first member of Meteor's proposed "Tomb of the Ugly Soldier".

Jan Dodonna: Completely forgotten with the fall of the Empire, he remains patrolling the Outer Rim, looking for neutral systems to convert. Dies alone and unmourned at 86.

Kaiya Adrimetrum: Remains in Special Forces Command, growing relentlessly bloodthirsty with time. She is eventually shot in the back by a soldier of hers who realizes she has gone rogue. This eventually makes for a stellar made-for-holo movie.

Lando Calrissian: Briefly studies the Force, mostly for purposes of enabling better gambling and whoring. Eventually opens Lando's Palace, a sprawling casino facility built on an abandoned tibanna gas refinery. Is now known as Lando the Grando.

Luke and Leia Skywalker:
-Luke wanted to build a Jedi temple on Yavin, but with its destruction he settles for Coruscant. The remnants of the Dark Side of the Force left from Anakin's rampage thirty years earlier slowly drive him to madness. Eventually departed known space, declaring that he was actually "Luuke", and he was off to find his true master Joruus. Nobody misses him much, as he and his son were found to be completely creepy.

-Leia settles down with Han after a bumpy beginning to the marriage and a rough political life. She briefly serves as President of the New Republic before retiring to a life of adventuring with her husband. Her son with Luke was always a source of galactic intrigue.

Lucas Kane: Named after Luke, Lucas Kane Skywalker had strong force powers, which he oddly called "chroma". He eventually was convicted for multiple homicides.

Mazur Ruckus: He decided to end his mercenary times and finally work the comedy clubs. He was shot to death shortly thereafter. Police cheered this episode of vigilante justice.

Mon Mothma: Engages in a difficult battle with Garm Bel Iblis for rulership of the New Republic, citing her extensive experience and readiness on day one as the deciding factors. She wins the Presidency, but resigns after getting laid for the first time and discovering the wide world she had ignored for so long. She leaves Coruscant to become a Naboo hippy.

Narra: Eventually takes over Rogue Squadron from Wedge Antilles. He is the Franklin Pierce of Rogue Squadron: Nobody ever remembers him. Dies on a regular mission unexpectedly, and replaced easily.

Orimaarko: Finds out all the horrible things Meteor said about him, and sought to kill him in vendetta. His lack of depth perception ultimately dooms him, and he crashes while attempting to dock his shuttle one day.

Page: The XO for the Eureka, Page survives on, becoming an exemplary mercenary. Can't remember the ideals he originally joined the Rebellion for, and loses concern when reminded they don't put food on the table.

Roger Jiriss: Secured a hefty pension for her extensive Special Operations work, she becomes a couch potato. Eventually becomes a celebrity member of The Biggest Loser, and later makes frequent cameos on VH1.

Sarin Virgilio: Heads his own mercenary company that works as friendly rivals with Meteor's new crew. Sarin's headcount during the war was unbeaten. Spoken of by Meteor as "The finest guy I ever sent to kill anyone, ever." These words would eventually be printed on Sarin's tombstone.

Syuub Snunb: Star of stage and screen, Syuub's physical pratfalls and gibberish speech delight children for years on end. Syuub never realizes this, assuming cameras follow him as part of a documentary about his part of the war.

Talon Karrde: Works with Lando the Grando at Lando's Palace. His focus is on the amusement part section of the casino, where Karrde's Mustache Ride delivers thrills, chills, and spills to guests. Shot by Lando on charges of cheating in a Sabaac game. Remembered for his fabulous Van Dyke.

Tura Raftican: Believing her return to the Holonews to be highly-anticipated world-wide, she ends up proven horribly wrong. Her return to doing interest stories at a local Ghorman network shattered her dreams, and she was reduced to tears on a nightly basis. When informed of her fate, Meteor gave a hearty guffah.

Vanden Willard: Work is suspended galaxy-wide on Vanden Willard day, a celebration of the life of Vanden Willard. Remembered as the greatest diplomat of the war, few understand he was completely senile, incapable of stringing together more than a few consecutive non-sensical musings at a time. Meteor never had an ill word to say of him whenever asked, however. Shattered fragments of the SS Vanden Willard careen through space to this day.

Wedge Antilles: Grand Admiral of the New Republic Fleet, Wedge Antilles lives the life of adventure and intrigue only the Solos could hope to manage. His life as a POW forever tinged his life, as he saw fit to grace Meteor with only a garbage scow to captain.

C-3P0: Dragged along with the Solos for the rest of his short existence. During one adventure, he falls into a lake, short-circuits, and explodes. Han and Leia shrug, and get on with their lives.

R2-D2: Head of the drug sub-culture at Lando's Palace. Eventually feared as head of an intergalactic drug ring.

HK-47: De-activates himself after failing to realize his immediate plans. Waits for the next lone Jedi who needs companions to find him and activate his useful negotiation-based functions.

Marshall Meteor Sully: Founds Meteor's Company with his retrofitted garbage scow Eureka with LT Page and his new crew. Makes a great deal of money before disappearing from the pages of the history books as suddenly as he had appeared. Some speculate he returned to his own galaxy. His final lasting legacy was the sucking of atmosphere out of the planet Duros with the Eureka, which was described as onlookers as "totally like what happened in that movie, Spaceballs".