The Let's Play Archive

Super Mario RPG

by Leavemywife

Part 10: Update Ten: To GrandBowyer's House We Go!

When we last left off, we had entered the Forest Maze, but hadn't actually encountered a maze yet. Normally, I'd bitch about that, but it's literally one screen away. So, let's get this show on the road.

As Genocyber informed me, there is a Hidden Chest on this screen, that I didn't get at this time; I went back later and it contained a Red Essence. Red Essences are badass, as they render one member your party invincible for a while in battle, but like all of those God-like items, I'll never use 'em for fear I'll need them in that next battle. Or I forget they exist. One of the two.

Entering this next screen, we finally encounter the maze part of the Forest Maze. Our main objective here should be to follow Geno, since he's the reason we entered this damned place to begin with.

But, instead of doing that, remember that guy back in town who told us of treasure in here? In case you don't, it's the dope who had his kid lock him out of his house. So, before I chase Geno, we're going to go left, left, straight, right, because I'll surely find something...NICE.

And while we're doing that, I'll also be engaging in wonton slaughter of all wildlife in these woods. You might be thinking that it looks like I'm heading down the wrong path here, but I'm not; his directions are to be taken literally, so you go left, then to Mario's left, then straight, then to Mario's left. I got confused by this a lot when I was younger, because I was going based on my perception of those directions as a player.

Along the way, Mallow snakes himself a level up. I'm stronger than I should be, but just wait until I tell you what I did next update. By the way, Mallow also picks up an additional +3 to Attack, and the traditional +1 to Defense.

That's a normal Mushroom in the corner, I believe. I stopped picking them up, because I had almost maxed out my inventory with the damn things.

Quick, point out the mistake I made and win yourselves a prize!

If you guessed that I went left there, instead of to Mario's right like I should have, congrats! See prize details below.*

Finally, later, after I realized the dumbass mistake I made, I finally get going the right way.

Let's find out what's in this treasure trove.

It's actually fairly worthwhile to hunt down the "V" of treasure here; there's three Flowers, a full-heal Mushroom, and a Frog Coin down here. And since it takes just a modicum of effort (and the battles are all quite easy, and even easier to avoid, if that's your style), I see no excuse in not coming over this way.

Anywho, after that quick (unless you're an idiot, like me) diversion, let's get back on track here.

Geno's got a few different animations for hanging out in front of the proper exit. In this one, it actually looks like he's trying to remember if he's taking the right path.

And here, the son of a bitch just left me behind. I had to guess where he'd gone.

At first, I thought those Mushrooms marked the right path to go, but I'm beginning to think it's just coincidence.

I know it's a bit of a walk, Geno, but come on! Besides, you're a wooden doll! What kind of voodoo magic brought you to life and gave you snot to make bubbles with!?

While it looks like I've actually caught up to him enough to actually catch him, as far as I know, it's impossible. If anyone actually knows what happens if you catch him (if anything), feel free to share.

Wait, where the hell did Geno go? I was literally on his cape-tails here. Oh, and I guess we found the jackass firing arrows into Rose Town. That mighta been the real reason we came here.

For a fun fact, a bowyer is a real-world profession. It's what you call someone who sells or makes bows, Wikipedia tells me.

Mallow has a stroke of genius here.

Speaking of strokes...This is Bowyer himself. Much like Mack, this guy is a gigantic sentient bow and arrow. That's...Certainly a villain I'd beat up.

How do they know this? Do they all share some sort of psychic link? Is Bowyer able to see through the eyes of the arrows he fires? Why am I thinking so much about this?

My reaction was roughly approximate to Mario's when I saw that face, too.

Mario takes a moment to consider their options. I wonder what our protagonist will decide.

I knew I liked this guy for a reason.

My ass, I can't. Just let me unequip the Nok Nok Shell.

: There're too many of 'em! We'll be creamed!

Huh, must be one of those new Genome created arrows. 'course, I guess that big-ass star in front of your face might kill your field of vision a bit.

Look what I found, Bowyer!

That's a serious dedication to the task at hand, Bowyer. I mean, if a flunkie of mine showed up with a big green star, I'd at least give him the time of day.


Teach you, we must, who's in charge!

I was going to make a portrait for Bowyer here, but Jesus Christ, Google only gives me results that look like an autistic chimp drew this fucker. And since he's only going to alive for about ten more minutes, fuck him.

He's on the mission from God.

Nya! NYA! Angry I am! A lesson I will teach you!

He's not ripping off a mask to do the Scorpion fatality. I think his hair is the arrows he shoots.

Now, where have I seen that face before...?

Ah, yes.

Once again, a character's expression agrees exactly with my own. I know I'd shit my pants if I saw a face of any kind do anything remotely similar to that.

If any of you mention Batman and Robin, I will close this fucking thread.

Just try me, I dare you.

Mario doesn't care. He's out here to whip some ass.

: You're gonna help, huh? Whack that weirdo... Save the guy in blue...

: I will do what I can! But...from over here!

Goddammit, Mallow, I should have known better than to actually praise you. This is what I get for giving your doughy ass a chance and telling the internet I like you.

Aim it about five feet farther next time. You missed the useless asswipe.

As much as I wish this screenshot ends exactly how it looks, alas...

Bwahahahaha! That's what you get, Mallow.

Mario gives no shits about your arrows.

Seriously, Mario is fucking fearless. Plus, he ditched Mallow.

...Okay, Mario, I don't think the thread should have claimed I was until they saw this.

Dr. Derpenstein is still firing off arrows. Geno hasn't done a Goddamn thing yet.

Geno, I saw you fire your arm off and knock a grown-ass man the fuck out. Just blast this guy in the balls and snag the star.

Well, I s'pose a Whirlwind Kick would suffice as well.

Strong you are. Hurt you, I will! But stronger am I! So long, nya!! Part, now, we must.

Mario isn't crotch-blocking that arrow. He's jumping on it.

: But... who are you?

I maintain that you deserved it.

: Huh? Don't I know you? You look... familiar!

Damn, Mallow, even the sentient doll is ignoring your ass.

Finally, the respect Mario deserves!

Insulted, I am!

You're about to be a pile of insulted...I wonder what Bowyer is made of. Do sentient bows have bones? Hmm.

Anyways, we have Geno in our party now. Geno is fucking quick, outspeeding most enemies and is by far, the fastest party member we get. His unarmed attack is rocket-blasting his arm at the enemy, which qualifies as metal in my book.

Keep in mind, Geno is three levels below our guys and has no weapon. Mallow only hits for about 15 more damage than he does, and I'm not even sure I was hitting Geno's 2x Timed Hit here.

Mario chips in during this fight with Jump, bashing Bowyer for around 90 damage each time. His regular attack was doing about 75, if I remember right.

Bowyer has a max of 720 HP, so it won't take us long to rip through his health, if all goes right.

Now 3 against one! (Jesus, I should have just made this asshole a portrait. I forgot how chatty he was.)

Fix it, I will, nya! Shoot an arrow, I shall. When a target it hits, that Button... LOCKED!

Welcome to Bowyer's gimmick; from how I saw it work, Bowyer fires an arrow at whatever button you seem to be using most. Or maybe it's random. Either way, whenever he drops an arrow into one of the buttons, you can't use that command until he locks another button.

After another crotch rocket-punch, Bowyer decides to lock our physicals.

Then electrocutes the shit out of us. Mario and Mallow took 9 and 6 damage, respectively, while Geno took 25. Granted, Geno has no armor on, but welcome to his downfall; Geno is fast as hell, hits like a truck, but sneezing on him will explode his head. His max HP here, by the by, is 45. Mallow was on healing duty for Geno in this fight.

Since physicals are locked, I decide to use Geno's sole Special at the moment; the Geno Beam. Hold "Y" for power, as it says...

...and Kamehameha that fucker, once again, right in the balls.

Bowyer has other attacks, I think, but he seemed to want to give us the Death Row special. Geno would have died here, but Mallow kept him going.

I decided to make sure I had a shot of Bowyer's Psychopath shot, and I was kind of surprised to find out I'd done nearly 500 damage to him already.

Bowyer's gimmick is really more of an inconvenience than an actual threat. I've never seen him lock the "X" button, either.

When I said I thought Bowyer had other attacks, I meant attacks that did damage. This does no damage, but tries to put a character to sleep.

Admit it, those sheep are just so .

Geno decides to end this shit after Bowyer's unsuccessful attempt to make Mallow catch 40 winks.

Flower Boxes are fucking awesome. They increase maximum FP by five points. That's 1/20th in a single shot.

: Why are you staring at me? You know I'm more than just a doll, don't you?

Mario, quit staring at my soul. It's creeping me out.

: Higher than that, I'm afraid! Do you two know anything about the "Star Road"? Completely in the dark, eh? Well, it's a big mess up there right now, and it concerns you too! You're heard of wishing upon a shooting star?

Holy shit, I forgot how much Geno talked before he joined.

I wish I could do something to jazz this up, but it really is just a couple of minutes of Geno babbling on.

Sure, it's going to be, y'know, our main mission and plot of the game. But he could at least have a slideshow ready or something.

Ah, fluffy. The polite word for fat.

: I'm here to find them all, and repair the Star Road. The broken Star Pieces... There are 7 altogether. For peace to return...we must get rid of Smithy, find the Star Pieces and repair the Star Road..

It sure as hell would be hard to say "heart1/8noteexclamationpointquestionmark" every time I want your attention.

Way ahead of you on that front, Geno.

: Now grab the star, Mario!

Booya. Two out of seven. If they're all this easy to get, Geno has no excuse for not doing this all on his own.

Hey, you fuck, that's MY line!

Things are definitely looking up!

I've got to inform Smithy!

Find the Star Pieces, and bring piece back to Mario's world.

Before we blast off, though, I'm going to take a second to look at Geno's stats. Keep in mind, he is three levels lower than Mario and Mallow. His 30 speed is fabulous, and he's faster than both our characters by half. He's got great Attack, considering he's unarmed, but those defenses...Jesus, man.

Gaz doesn't notice we've brought Geno back. Or maybe when the party actually disappears into Mario, they literally become part of his body, or disappear into some pocket dimension.

But, for now, we're going to stop here. This update was a bit longer than I anticipated it being, and had an assload more than I thought it would. But, next time, we're doing a side-dungeon and playing a new mini-game!

*You win the satisfaction of knowing you outsmarted me.