Part 30: Update Twenty Nine: Fuck These VinesLast time on Super Mario RPG, we did a bit of weeding and found a seed. Now, we're entering a location that I dislike immensely; it's probably the only area in this game I honestly dislike. Anyway, let's get this show on the road.
Alright, I know I said these were some ugly-ass birds, but if you look, it actually kind of looks like a dude in a bird costume. Which just raises further questions, really.
I feel obligated to make a joke about furries here and how they confuse and anger me. But, when they only have 150 HP and crap stats, it's not really a joke about how I feel they need to be crushed. These guys are also weak to Ice (I'm feeling material there about how furries don't bathe, but I don't think that's a real stereotype about them, is it?) and immune to Fire. It makes sense, because they're red. Though, because of that, these wunz shuld be fasta.
The rewards are meager, but I'm starting to become less concerned about that. Anymore, I show these screens just so you guys have a rough idea of how much experience I'm earning per fight.
But, before we climb, we have a note.
A Department of Transportation? Hey, we're going back to civilization!
We just climb up these vines and when we reach the top, Mario hops up.
And then we just jump from vine to vine. Sounds easy, right?
Maybe it's just me, but the perspective gets me every time. I constantly fuck up jumps. Therefore, I'm getting out of here as fast as I can.
It was also a huge pain in my ass to get this Frog Coin. I fucked up this jump four or five times. Then hit the Birdy on the way down.
So, we got Captain Fatass here. He's got 250 HP, with 160 Attack and 100 Defense. He has only one attack. I didn't catch a screencap of it (next update should have one), but when their turn comes up (unlikely, as they have 3 Speed), you'll see the message, "Heavy Troopa's Ready to Launch!"
Next turn, they launch themselves at you. It hurts. And their little wings flutter and it's adorable.
Next area, there's a few vines here.
But there's a Flower at the top of this vine!
And then we leap over to this blue vine.
Then over to this yellowish-bronze vine.
All for the Frog Coin.
Oh, yeah, and to continue on. I guess that's important, too.
I really wish I had more to say here, but I just do not like this area.
Blue vine, red vine, one vine, two vine.
And then I realized I was going the wrong way, after becoming extremely pissed off that I couldn't jump to the vine I needed to. I spent probably twenty minutes trying. I was so pissed at the end of it, I nearly walked away.
Back on the right track, I've now proven myself an inept LP'er.
This perspective fucks with me so badly.
This whole area does, really.
But, we're done with that now!
There's three different exits to take. The trampoline in the right ejects us entirely from the area and the trampoline on the left takes us to the city proper.
Down the hole, we encounter these two puffy fellows. They look kinda familiar, don't they? Also, odds that we're going to actually visit these hot springs later? 42:1.
But, back up. We'll return later.
This is the world map view of Nimbus Land, by the way. We're up in the sky now!
Alright, we've got more cloud-people and more of the birdman guards. Or men in birdman outfits. I honestly don't know.
This is going to sound terrible, I know, but Jesus Christ, she's wearing a dead bird! What the fuck!
It looks like a parrot from here, too. I can kind of see this goofy ass expression on its face, too. Like, it's a Flintstone's animal and it just got a crappy career.
*Squawk* "It's a living!"
Prince Mallow? Ain't that just a fun coinki-dink. Mallow's probably a fairly common name, I'd imagine. Especially up around here.
If I had the proper Photoshop skills (and if Valentina was facing the right way), there would definitely be a Scorpion reference in this picture.
...Aww, c'mon guys, it wasn't that bad of a joke. Just a little tired. Right?
Oh, fuck you guys.
I don't know why I like this little sprite so much.
Seriously, it's a very small bit of animation, but I think it speaks volumes about Valentina's character.
This does too, I guess. My gif is more of the show, don't tell principle. Or something, I don't know.
Bwahahahah! This Mallow's fat, just like ours!
Jesus, look at that tubby guy. Mallow, you ain't so bad. Uh, our Mallow. Not new Fatty McFatfat Mallow.
Y'know, sir, in some countries, speaking to your fat monarch like that will get you hanged.
I'm fairly certain that, in those countries, blatant bullshittery will also get you put down.
Even Dodo is all, "Is this nigga serious?"
I find that hard to believe, Valentina. I'm fairly certain you're the type of lady who always has something ready to fall out of her face.
Why didn't you face that way earlier, you bitch!? I could have made that shitty Photoshop!
...Wow, status really does afford you certain privileges.
Well, that's awful quick to accept it, even though you were so surprised. I'm smelling something fishy here...
"C'mon, Tons of Fun, squeeze your labyrinthine gut through the door!"
: find the rest of the Star Pieces!!
That building directly next to us is the Item Shop.
I like Nimbus Land a whole lot.
It probably has the coolest weapons for Mario, Toadstool and Mallow in it. Bowser has his and Geno's is coming up. I also finally ditch the Work Pants and upgrade everyone else's armor. I'm strong enough, guys, I guess I can live without that extra 15 Attack.
And for the next section, Toadstool and Mallow will be accompanying me. Toadstool in the middle has a purpose, unless too many of you object.
Anyways, to the left here, we have the Inn. It's our last stop for the day.
Thirty Coins ain't too bad. I can live with that.
Hell, I'll try anything once.
...Did he just tell me he's hooking me up to a wet dream machine?
So, some people say you can extrapolate some sort of meaning from your dreams. Anyone care to explain this one? Beyond the obvious that Mario is a fat bastard.
Anywho, we're done today. Sorry about the kind of lackluster update today, folks, but the next one will be more exciting. At the very least, I'll beat up a lot more things. Stay tuned!